Going away on Father’s Day with DC means ex won’t be able to see DC

[monstermunch6]

I have recently split from DC’s father as he was abusive, nasty, lazy and just awful to be around.

He does zero parenting and just likes to come and see DC to take pictures to post on social media.

Since DC I haven’t been able to do anything whilst he his life has carried on as usual.

This weekend he has gone away clubbing with his equally horrible brother.

My parents have asked to take me and DC away for Father’s Day and I have agreed.

Ex has a massive issue with this.

I don’t know why as he works 7 days a week (he is currently on annual leave) and has no consideration for me or my life so I am putting my foot down as I have told him he won’t be able to see DC on Father’s Day as we are going away.

I do everything for DC, so my issue is why should I change my plans on Father’s Day but the other times he puts everything else first?

AIBU?

So if he wouldn't normally see the DC at the weekend then I don't think YABU.
If however he would normally have them Saturday or Sunday for example and you are going away the whole weekend and didn't really discuss this, then YABU.

He works 7 days a week and some weekends he claims he is to tired to visit but has enegy to go clubbing.

This is a 42 year old man by the way.
He went out last weekend when he said he would help and again this weekend.

Is he working 7 days a week to provide for you all?

Then maybe i'd cut him slack on that and being tired. Can he cut his hours so he actually can be present?

But being abusive and nasty is unacceptable and I'm glad you left

I think that if you want to coparent with this man, id explain kindly that, father's day has been booked but you're happy to recreate it for him when he's free x

Sounds like you have a very loose arrangement with him where he can ‘visit’ or not. Suggest your response to him should be written asking him if be would like to put any formal arrangements of shared responsibility in place, if so, how many days etc.

Presume he is paying the correct amount if the kids live with you 100%?

Until he is able to sustain a more structured parenting approach, he has minimal say in what happens when.

What’s your schedule for childcare?

If it’s ad hoc and he didn’t have Sunday planned as one of his days and you have the opportunity to go away to celebrate your father then YANBU.

If you have a routine which includes this Sunday as his day and/or an ad hoc routine but had agreed he could have Sunday, then YABU.

I’m not saying you are doing this, but try not to spite him by depriving him of days he might want to the potential detriment of your DC’s relationship with their dad just because you think he’s a waste of space.