Only single friend in group - increasingly pissed off with comments

[JessCil]

I regularly socialise with a group of about 6/7 friends - all have partners aside from me. This doesn’t bother me, most of us have been single at different times and my most recent relationship ended amicably about 1.5 years ago.

However, I am struggling a bit with the dynamic and it’s usually when we are out socialising as a group with my friends’ partners also there.

It is a couple of them in particular and it is like they are taking pity on me because I’m single. I feel like the ‘jokes’ have increasingly crossed the line.

We always do a secret santa and one of them got me a vibrator last year (opened in front of the group, I laughed it off but was hurt).

Last night, one of them overheard my conversation with a friend about how I’ve felt a bit down in recent weeks (work issues mainly). They chipped in and said I should get on the apps and a night with a ‘well endowed’ man would cheer me up.

I just find it tiring now, I don’t want to pull away from seeing my friends but it’s getting to the point where I may be better off not socialising when partners are there?

Ohhh this is why I stopped seeing one side of my family. “have you got yourself a wee boyfriend yet?” and constant constant jibes about being long term single. The faux wide eyed “concern”. Never once asked about my extremely successful career or anything else in my life.

I’m not single anymore, but I still don’t see them becuase I cba. For some reason being a single woman in your thirties is viewed as some sort of problem, a bit of a joke if you will, and it also seems to become everyone else’s business. I don’t have any advice, but just solidarity. It’s really bloody irritating.

I had this at work, from a previous boss. She’s been happily married for three decades, and was ‘concerned’ about my lack of partner status, despite the fact that I had said multiple times, this is my choice, has been for the past X ye@sr, and I have no intention of looking for someone. She would keep digging into her phone to ask her friends if they knew any single blokes, pointing out people at work I might be interested in, it was exhausting. I felt that I was continually needing to defend my choice.

in the end I took her aside, and told her that she she was causing me a lot of distress by her behaviour, and that whilst I knew it might come from a concern for me, I was happy as I was, and she needed to knock it off. She apologised, and stopped. We’re still friends,no longer colleagues.

This is a nice story. Nice to hear that it can sometimes come from genuine (if misguided) concern, rather than someone just being a dick.

I think it just sucks that people think you can't be happy if you don't have a man in your life. It's so weird and such a dated view. We have so much more in our lives now. Careers, pets, hobbies, friends, whatever. And yet if you don't have a man, somehow you are failing? Oh I just hate it. I hope one day people realise how daft it is, and how sexist.

I find this behaviour by them very odd. I’ve had comments in the past about being single but this was like a good ten years ago and would think they’ve probably matured by then. I either just tell them to stop making these “jokes” or you start making some anti couple jokes…. Petty, absolutely. But you can only be pushed so far. Fair game in my opinion. Hopefully they’ll get the point.

It’s because they aren’t getting any 😂