AIBU? 72 year old couple get parental rights for surrogate born baby

[OhHolyJesus]

There’s been a lot of coverage this week about this case that came before the UK family court.

A couple, both aged 72, commissioned a woman in California to have a baby for them, it seems to replace their adult son who died in his mid-twenties.

Though they say this new baby boy isn’t a replacement, they deliberately arranged for him to be born as he was conceived from a woman who donated her eggs (with all the risks that entails, and the likely payment) and the sperm of the commissioning father.

They didn’t share their plans with family but asked for friends of their adult son and a 52 year old niece in the family, to be guardians should (when?) they die.

The boy was 14 months old at the time of the court case last month so they embarked on this plan aged 70+ and no one lives forever. This toddler will likely see the deaths of one or both of his primary carers (though they have a full time nanny 5 days a week) by the time he reaches secondary school.

AIBU to think there should be age limits on surrogacy and 72 is too old?

<a class="break-all" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20250527213411/www.thetimes.com/uk/healthcare/article/couple-in-seventies-win-right-to-be-parents-of-surrogate-baby-fxzxb83v2" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://web.archive.org/web/20250527213411/www.thetimes.com/uk/healthcare/article/couple-in-seventies-win-right-to-be-parents-of-surrogate-baby-fxzxb83v2

It says it was because they're the only ones prepared to offer long term care so I can see why the court made the decision they did.

It's all the same to the baby. You're taking it from it's mother to meet the wants of adults. It doesn't know it's DNA, only what it's known it's whole existence.

You shouldn't be able to buy or give away a baby, we don't allow that in any other circumstances. And you shouldn't be able to rent the use of a woman's body.

I think it should be banned entirely. Any industry that turns a living breathing human into a product or service has no place in a civilised society.

Good to come back and see IANBU!

I also think surrogacy should be banned completely, as it is a form of human trafficking and because it exploits women and turns newborns into tradeable commodities.

The way it is said to be a way of having a family if you have fertility issues is disingenuous. It hides the truth, the truth this court case has exposed.

And aside from the moral objections to surrogacy, think if being that child.

Both parents older than your peers grandparents, if they even live until he's school age. They will never run around at the park with you, or go on Hyperia with you, or drive you to Uni or pick you up when you're drunk, and even if they pay others to do it that's not the same as family doing it. Growing up knowing you're only here to try to heal your parents grief at the death of their son who would have been old enough to be your dad. Living into young adulthood an orphan - my dad was an orphan in his mid 20s and it made a dent in him, and that was back when young adults were much more adult then they are now.

It's cruel what they've done to this child, both in taking him from his birth mother and in the childhood and adulthood they've caused for him.

Because without a court order to say that the couple can legally adopt the child, this baby is an american citizen and not officially related to them. All adoptions require court approval, even if they aren't contested.

If a couple in their 70s applied to become adoptive parents of a child awaiting adoption who was born in the uk, they would be rejected as it is not in the child's best interests to have such elderly parents. Their childhood would be seriously harmed by their significantly lower capacity, and in teenagerhood or young adulthood they will be orphaned. It would be cruel. It's incomprehensible that these reasons don't also protect a child born overseas.

Ah okay, thank you for explaining xx

They're still unreasonable.

This is also quite disturbing ‘Last year data obtained from the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service under freedom of information laws revealed that almost 300 men aged over 50 had applied to become the legal <a class="break-all" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20250530100923/www.thetimes.com/article/naive-briton-foreign-surrogate-case-2vgrhs5gv" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">father of a surrogate child over the past five years — and 43 of them were over 60.’

Deeply disturbing. But then, I oppose baby trafficking.

It’s still exploiting the woman who carries and gives birth to the baby. Surely you can understand that?

https://m.jpost.com/judaism/article-791259

What about this haredi rabbi who became a first time father at 88 with his 56 year old wife. They said she gave birth but I don't understand how it's biologically possible?!

@HonoriaBulstrode they were in court to get legal parental status for the child.

@dizzyperiods yes the majority of surrogate born children in the UK are now born abroad in commercial surrogacy arrangements as this article shows https://www.thetimes.com/uk/society/article/surrogate-buy-babies-countries-0zh7c7pvp#:~:text=“While%20commercial%20surrogacy%20practices%20are,which%20ought%20to%20be%20closed.”

Sorry @HonoriaBulstrode was meant to reply to @mumofoneAlonebutokay - they were in court to get a parental order.

The child should have been taken in to care; he’d have been better off adopted by an approved couple in their 30s or 40s than being kept by a couple who’ll likely be dead by the time he’s 15.

Surrogacy in all forms should be banned. It’s a grotesque abuse of women and children, exploitative, cruel and unethical. Surrogate pregnancies are higher risk for severe pregnancy complications. It all needs to go.

@Private2025 they probably used a “donor” egg. That’s increasingly common (worryingly, as it’s awful for the young women).

A lot of posters disagree with surrogacy do you feel the same about egg/sperm donation or is it specifically the women’s body being used for baby carrying? How do you view it as different to adoption? In both cases a baby loses its birth mother.

Yes. All forms of human trafficking should be banned and that includes sperm and egg donation.

Adoption is different because in the case of adoption a child is taken in the interests of the child, because the parent is unable or unwilling to meet its needs and as such it is better off in an adoptive environment.

The fact is that sometimes it’s just not possible to have children. Nobody disputes that that is upsetting, but that doesn’t mean that an infertile couple should be able to go to whatever means they want to to have a baby.

And before someone comes along and says “but you have no idea what it’s like…” it doesn’t matter. Just because something can be done, doesn’t mean that it should.. Sometimes nature is cruel. That’s life.

The oldest verifiable natural birth was a 59 year old, so it's possible. Or they used egg donor IVF and lied.

It's the same premise as a very, very small number of girls will start their periods at age 5 or 6, a very, very small number of women won't stop until their 60s. But it's a tiny proportion, and doesn't mean that women in their 50s are fertile as a group, or should be having babies. Because 99.99% aren't.

A lot of totally unsuitable people become parents.

I'm totally against surrogacy.

And you needed to quote the whole opening OP in order to tell us that?

They are dealing with the devastating loss of their adult son by creating a child who will lose both his parents very young.

Tragic.

Where are the dc of commercial surrogacy before the court orders are granted? Do they just arrive here with the commissioners but no documentation?

I don't agree with surrogacy full stop never mind for 70 year olds, I think it's selfish to put another woman at risk of birth injuries or severe pregnancy related issues for your own wants of having a baby, ivf for yourself is fine but not when it involves using another woman as an incubator

Surrogacy focuses on adults wants rather than a child’s needs

As this case proves well. It’s frankly wrong and cruel to create a child in these circumstances. That poor child.

Of course they do.

But when outside agencies are needed to create a life, it’s right that there should be proper regulation and enforced ethics guiding that.

Just like we don’t hand children in care over to just anyone who wants them.