MN judges those who want to be Mum first, career second

[HulinSings]

Is it just me - or is the general view on here that you should prioritise your career after having a baby and daring to go back part time is frowned upon?

It's not judging to point out thst downsizing your career makes you vulnerable and doing it when not married is very very risky.

Here we go again 🤣

Just came to say exactly this. I don't see people on here "judging" - I see concern for women's career/life prospects.

On the contrary, I think keeping your career and working part time is generally seen as the best option.

Well I'm.on MN and have been for years and was p/t for 10 years. Best decision ever made. Now f/t. Who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks!

YABU. I don't think I've seen anyone frowned upon for working full time after having a baby. Except when the relationship is really bad and posters are advising the mother to get into a better financial situation in order to be able to split up.

MN reflects society. Society judges women, child free, sahm, full time working Mum who use nursery. It doesn’t matter what women do or don’t they will be judged. Best just to say fuck it and do what is right for you and your family.

TAAT.
Mumsnet is judgmental about everything.
Case closed.

Part time isn’t an issue, it’s a good compromise. The main point is to not make yourself reliant on a man, especially if not married.

You are right it seems the consensus on here is anyone having kids before career is a useless waste of space.

I see it advised on here very often to go p/t once becoming a parent, so no. I don’t agree.

I do think part time has a negative on many careers and lifestyles that aren’t often considered, but that’s not a judgement,

Exactly. It’s a decision that weakens your position in all kinds of ways, and makes you unwisely dependent on another person.

Despite some of my other posts, I think this is fine - if it’s what the woman wants.

Often it’s foisted on her as the only choice as the man won’t consider compromising his career. Often she’s unmarried and her financial position becomes precarious.

I’d actually advocate this being part of mandatory pre marriage counselling and that everyone should have that counselling on moving in together - where the couple decide in the abstract what they would want to do about careers if they have children, and that all marriages should come with a pre nup so everyone knows how assets would be divided on a break up. And then women (and men) can choose if marriage and children in that context suits them or not.

Yes.

You are judged for working out of the home
You are judged for not working out of the home
You are judged for home cooking all your meals
You are judged for having a takeaway
You are judged if you're fat
You are judged if you're thin

The list goes on...

It judges everyone, every decision any of us makes.

MN is just people. People judge women for all kinds of things all the time.

Yes I agree it does this. I honestly feel like we have all been brainwashed by our capitalistic societies to think if we are not 'productive ' workers we are losers. Yes, there are always economic issues, but fgs I love being a mum at home with my own children. Why should I feel guilty about that?

Before we had DS we talked through in extreme detail exactly how we were going to continue our working lives with a child, who would do childcare drop off and pick ups, how we could both make things more flexible, how to cover illnesses etc. When we were discussing whether to have a child, I made it very clear I would never, under any circumstances, contemplate being a SAHP, so that, if our child turned out to have needs incompatible with childcare and school, that would be his role, and he should think about if he still wanted a child in those circumstances.

You sound lovely 😂

I'm not judgy about moment who want to be mother's first but I'm very judgy about cases where both the mother and father of the child, don't properly protect the stay at home parent when they make these choices - I.e. married where beneficial, joint names on houses, where there is equally access to money etc.

Being a SAHP can be a fantastic choice but I don't like it when it puts a person in a vulnerable position.

I also am judgy where a woman decides that her desire to have a child trumps everything and she gives like thought to that child's father and the impact that man will have on the child. I'm not talking about situations that don't work out buy if you decide you are doing to be the third baby moma a man has in 3 years and he doesn't see the other two children - it's a stupid decision and unfair on the child.

If that's judgy, then I'm judgy.

I don’t think it is conclusive in any way on here. You hear both views all the time.