Cricket (or general hobby widows) how do you cope? AIBU to be fed up?

[Goddessoftheearth]

DH played a lot of cricket in his younger years, but as a good Dad has been about as DSC and our DS have been growing up. He’s now playing again, and because DS is now into it, has set up a junior division at the local club too.

Saturdays are now basically him and DS setting off at 9.30ish for an hour and half for junior training, he then pops back home to pick up his equipment and disappears for the rest of the day. Usually gets back at 7ish - can be later, especially with an away game. And that’s every Saturday until early September…

It also impacts our social life as although I am more than capable of catering and setting up an evening BBQ for friends at ours, I don’t know when he will be back. Equally, if we get invited somewhere, I have to go alone until he shows up.

I am feeling really resentful and fed up and we are only a month into the season. I’m trying to plan things for a Saturday myself, but if he’s later back, by the time he gets home I’m like an unexploded volcano and the slightest thing will set me off. I’m also tetchy, sarcastic and just plain mean in the mornings before he leaves.

I hate behaving this way and it’s - obviously- putting a real strain on our relationship which has always been strong. I think I’m struggling with a sort of mid life crisis at the moment where I’m not particularly happy with work/ the way I look/ where I am in my life/ what my purpose is in life and so that may be a part of it. I’ve tried explaining it to him (I tend to need to write it so I’ve emailed how I’m feeling as otherwise I find it difficult to articulate just how I do feel) and he says he understands and appreciates how hard it is, but nothing changes.

So AIBU - it’s good for him to have a hobby, he works hard (main breadwinner) and so I should get a grip and calm down.

or

YANBU - the majority of every Saturday of the summer spent on his hobby is excessive.

I’m feeling really miserable right now and like a thoroughly horrible person.

Everyone who says 'its only one day a week, have some you time'- it's not nice to be excluded and alone, for months and months on a Saturday.
You have all persuaded OP she is being selfish, and she is NOT. Just because she is menopausal does not mean she is being unreasonable.
He could VERY EASILY say he wasn't available for selection 1 Saturday in 4.

If he cares about his relationship he needs to make some relationship time, and they need to do something regularly that includes the OP.

I wouldn't see myself as "excluded and alone" just because my DH did a hobby all day once a week for half the year.

They have five evenings and Sundays to go out and do something as a couple or a family, as well as all the Saturdays where there's no cricket going on.

Yes I agree with this. It would be easy for her DH to keep 1 in 4 Saturdays free to spend time together. And make an effort on Sundays. And encourage / support OP to pursue her own interest in horses.

I don't have any solutions but I do get it, OP.

My DH has a lot of volunteering and work commitments that mean it's just me and the kids 3 weekends out of 4, and 4 nights out of 7, and it's very lonely.

YABU but I’m likely biased as I love cricket and like a pp I’d just go along with a picnic and a book . Have you looked for a volunteering opportunity near you with horses @Goddessoftheearth , lots of rescues , RDA groups etc like help .

Most clubs have fixtures on Saturdays and Sundays, and at the height of summer they'll play midweek evening fixtures as well. It's highly likely DH is already excusing himself from a good number of matches.

Not being unreasonable at all. Women are too often expected to sit in the background doing all the boring stuff and holding down the fort whilst men go gallivanting off to fulfill their ambitions. I very rarely see women (particularly mothers) able to dedicate the sort of time and energy their partners do to their personal interests and when they do they're all too often criticised for refusing to martyr themselves and adhere to the status quo.

Does it occur to people that the OP might not enjoy sitting reading a book in the sun with a glass of wine next to a cricket pitch? Especially considering it's not going to beautifully sunny that often.

Thanks for all the supportive, positive and helpful comments. I am aware that I need to focus on myself more, and I have now addressed this with DH - he understands that I need something for me now as well. I think it’s easy as a mum to automatically put yourself bottom of the list without really realising you have.

There is no midweek cricket, but there is the odd Sunday game. DH does do a number of evenings out for work things too, so for the poster who said we have 5 nights a week to do things, he is often out midweek to networking and drinks events. Obviously this is something he needs to do (he does enjoy it too as he gets to go to some pretty amazing places!). Sundays are to do all of the chores (outside of housework) that don’t get done on a Saturday due to cricket.

I have taken a good look at myself and am really trying to sort out what I can do to make myself generally happier, not withstanding a Saturday hobby that can work around 13 year old DS on away days where he doesn’t accompany my DH. Sadly he is allergic to horses so definitely no horse stuff on these days!

Join the women's team...

Help out at the bar/bacon sandwiches/drinks
Learn to score.

Or that the club play in the local park with a shed for a clubhouse with one stinky toilet and no bar. Not all cricket clubs are made equal. There’s no lovely pavilion here. If my DH still played I wouldn’t be sat in there all day watching.