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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Moving house and relationship

31 replies

ARippleInTheAir · 01/06/2025 08:54

Ok so this is sort of two separate issues but it has been making me reevaluate my relationship quite a bit. Firstly and most majorly, me and my partner are planning on moving, still looking for a suitable house to rent. I live in a fairly nice area in terns of low crime rate, it is student-y, but I’d prefer that to high crime. He lives closer to work currently but the area is a bit renown for crime, economic stagnation and overall less public transport/walk-friendly areas. He is pushing for us to move there solely because it is closer to his work, where I live, it is about a 35 min drive. I also work but mostly from home (bear in mind he could work from home but chooses not to). AIBU for being stubborn and wanting to stay in my area? My son is 12 too so him moving school is not something I want to do lightly. I just feel like my partner is putting himself first all to reduce what is only a 35 min drive that he does 4 days a week as he only works 4 days. I can be a bit blunt and I say that the area is horrible which makes him angry, which then annoys me more because he for some reason attaches this area to his identity and gets passionate about it.

secondly a bit more TMI, he has been suffering from a period of ED which I have been supporting him through, it is due to a situation of trauma he experienced. It has been about 8 months now, and I’ve suggested we get professional help but he’s very adamant against it which has left me silently frustrated. We’ve been together 2 years now and I wonder if it really is a good decision to move in and continue everything. Outside of these two issues we do get on very well

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 01/06/2025 10:24

'I have a mum tum, getting older, have some extra body fat'

that is NOT why he has ED issues !!!

spinningisthebest · 01/06/2025 11:29

Please don’t move. My dad did this to me and my brother and it was a disaster for my brother. Friendship groups had formed and excluded him. He and I hated the area we moved to and was frightened by aggression on the public transport. I have never forgiven my father for moving us for similar reason to suit himself and my mother for enabling it. It was awful. And from what you have said the relationship isn’t great so you could find yourself on your own in a shit area with an unhappy son. Teenage years are hard enough without being moved for no reason.

Eenameenadeeka · 01/06/2025 11:39

No way, it would be crazy to move your son's school for a boyfriend. Focus on your son, and if the boyfriend isn't willing to compromise I'd let him go...

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 01/06/2025 11:42

Soon your dc will be wanting freedom to wander round shops with their mates. Would you prefer that to be your current area or where the man - child wants to live? And he isn't even a decent shag... Ditch today... Imo.

Jellyrols · 01/06/2025 13:15

Moving school and area is hard, but so much harder for boys.
Boys are notorious for sticking with old groups.
There is nothing harder that witnessing your child feeling isolated and excluded.
It can do life long damage.
Not a chance I would do it.
I have several friends who stayed put while their husbands commuted, rather than disrepute their happy children. They NEVER regretted it, even though it was hard.

ARippleInTheAir · 01/06/2025 16:50

Thanks all, I was already not going to go ahead and move to a different area, but wanted to make sure it wasn’t me being the one who was being over the top, but seeing what you’ve all said I know I’m right for this.

as for the ED, I don’t know… it is such a difficult subject to bring up to him and I’m just frustrated. I do feel a bit helpless

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