Ex and sick DD

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Am I being unreasonable?

My ex did not see or speak to his children for 2 weeks recently as he was unwell. During that period, he sent me multiple long messages listing his symptoms and how it was unbearable and he couldn’t get out of bed. He usually sees them 2-4 times a week.

The following week (week just gone) 4 year old was ill with D&V. She couldn’t eat or get off of the sofa for 2-3 days and missed out on a fun half term. By Friday she was still under the weather but the vomiting had stopped so she went to her dad’s on the Saturday. He decided it was a good idea to have a water fight with her and take her to the park. 5am Sunday morning she was crying in agony with a bad stomach, and will now have to miss a party she’d really been looking forward to. In my opinion she needed rest and calm yesterday, not constant running around and getting overexcited. Not saying she had a resurgence because of this, but it certainly didn’t help.

asking for opinions before I bring this up.

Well yes he’s an idiot. Did you make it clear on handover how unwell she had been and that she needed to rest?

There's a few different things going on here. If ex was too ill to do any childcare for 2 weeks then that's one thing, maybe he was messaging you how he was feeling because he felt bad not having the kids? Or was he expecting sympathy/for you to drop shopping round etc? Did he have the same tummy bug DD had, did he come and see the kids too soon and give it to her?

If your DD was still feeling delicate on Saturday then I agree her dad should've had a quiet day with her, not including a water fight and lots of running about. That was daft of him.

I'd have kept her away from a kids party today regardless of how well she was feeling. If she's only just clear of a nasty D&V bug I would not risk spreading that one around a kids party. Where there'd also be a lot more sugar, charging about and excitement.

Yes, he was aware as I was keeping him updated as it was happening and we discussed it on Friday evening. I didn’t think I would need to explain to him that she shouldn’t be overdoing it…

if she wasn't fully recovered, surely she shouldn't have been going to a children's party anyway?

If she had gone, presumably she'd be running around in much the same way as she was with her father just previously. So she would have become ill again. Only this time, the risk was that she might have passed whatever it was she still wasn't fully over to other kids at the party.

I’m not really sure why he was telling me tbh, but he didnt seem particularly bothered about not having the kids. As far as I can tell it was a different viral illness that he had, although it did cross my mind that maybe it was Covid and they both had it with different symptoms.

And about the party - yes, maybe, just thought she would have been ok by Sunday as she would have been well over 48 hours free of it if it wasn’t for this morning.

Reply to any future whiny poor me messages ‘oh if you’re well enough to be communicating you should have a chat to the kids, hang on I’ll go get them. And FaceTime him.

To be fair if she struggled with a water fight at the park surely she would have struggled at a party with running round and there being food there

I'm not sure how running around on Saturday and having a water fight would cause a bad stomach. I can understand her being left very tured and washed out, butI'm wondering if he gave her something too rich and heavy to eat when her stomach was still unsettled from the d&v, as that seems the more likely issue to me.

I can imagine as he hadn't seen her for 2 weeks and if they were racing around at the park it was ice creams and treats. Is he prone to feeding them junk food, because I think that's the more likely issue. I know if I have d&v I need to keep a light diet for a few days after it stops or I suffer.

I don't know OP, kids often tend to bounce back really quickly from that sort of thing. Agree with PP it's probably more to do with the food he gave her than a park trip and a water fight, which don't sound excessive amounts of exercise for someone who stopped vomiting 48 hours ago. I wouldn't mention it to him.

Thanks all. Have decided not to bring it up and just stress next time there’s an illness that the kids need R&R when they’re getting better.