About disability carer’s allowance

[Hansiyaram]

I am a well-educated woman, currently a full-time, unpaid caregiver and mother of three children. One of my children has additional needs and receives disability benefits (around £340 per month), which are credited into my account, but I have never accessed the account myself. My husband handles all financial matters and restricts my access to our finances. I have no financial independence.
Although I have been given an ATM card, it is topped up with only a small, controlled amount of money just enough for basic grocery shopping. I have no access to the main household income or savings, and I cannot manage or view any of our financial information. My husband earns a high income and works from home full-time which is causing even more discomfort( like he sits in the living room and expects children not to make noise)
Despite this, I am solely responsible for all parenting and household duties. These include:

• Grocery shopping and errands
• Managing the children’s activities and appointments
• Driving them to and from various places (my husband does not drive or hold a licence)
• Cooking, kitchen cleaning, laundry, tidying, and other domestic tasks
• Cleaning and maintaining the home, including mowing the lawn

I am currently looking for job opportunities, but the demands of caregiving and lack of support at home make this extremely challenging. I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. My husband shows strong narcissistic traits including manipulation, emotional neglect, control, and lack of empathy. He insists we are not entitled to any benefits, including Carer’s Allowance, because of his income and tax position, but I believe this may not be accurate. I am reaching out to understand my rights and entitlements legally, financially, and emotionally. I would like to know:

• Whether I am eligible for Carer’s Allowance or other financial support as a full-time carer, based on my own income and situation, not my husband’s
• What other benefits or resources I may be entitled to
• Whether my circumstances may be considered a form of financial or coercive control

• What support services or organisations are available to help someone in my position regain financial independence and emotional safety
• How I can move forward toward employment and long-term security, while still managing my responsibilities at home

I feel trapped, isolated, and overwhelmed, with no mental peace or support. I want to create a safe and independent life for myself and my children, and I am seeking guidance on how to begin that journey

You are being financially abused and controlled. Well done for trying to get away from this man.

Have you spoken to Women's Aid? They may be able to help.

Not to sound too harsh but this is not a relationship you should be in. You should have equal access to any and all financial issues. This is abuse. Financial abuse. You do so much and don't need to be given limited access to money. This is most definitely a partner/husband issue.

Hi OP. I'm sorry that you are in this situation.

Do you have a bank account in your name only, and do you have access to it - ie a debit card, online banking, etc? Does he have access to it at all ie does he know the card PIN, online banking passwords etc?

It's crucial that you have a bank account in your name only that you can access and he can't. If he would not allow this or would be angry about it, would you be able to set it up without his knowledge?

You're absolutely right that you can claim carer's allowance - since you're not in paid work and you care for a child on DLA (assuming they get middle or higher rate care). You should claim it and get it paid into your own bank account.

It sounds as if your husband is emotionally and financially abusive, and I would encourage you to talk to a domestic abuse organisation about your situation - they can give you support and advice. Try the national domestic abuse helpline and/or your local women's aid or equivalent:
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/womens-aid-directory/

If you decide to end the relationship (and no judgement if you don't feel ready, but I hope you will in future) there will be support and resources available to you. You will be entitled to benefits, housing if you have to leave without anywhere to go due to his abuse, and possibly legal aid too.

No, I haven’t spoken to Women’s Aid yet. I’m currently in the process of gathering information and understanding my rights. For a long time, I was very naive and overly submissive, but I’ve reached a point where I want to focus on myself, my wellbeing, and building a more independent and secure future. I’ve started taking small but important steps to move forward.

He’s abusive. You’re entitled to carers allowance if you care for someone on mid or higher rate DLA for 35 hours a week. Check entitled to website. But I wouldn’t be surprised seriously consider gathering financial evidence where you can and leaving him. He sounds like a grade a arsehole.

Carers allowance is not means tested, so yes, you are entitled to it. It will be easy to obtain as your child is receiving disability benefits and you are not working.
its approx £80 a week.

You are absolutely in an abusive relationship.
You need to get out.
Please contact Women's Aid.
Yes you are entitled to Carer's Allowance. Your husband's income is NOT taken into account if the DLA is in your name. They DO ask for your DH's NI number on the form to check that he is not claiming it, so if you can't find a payslip/don't know his NI number you might have to wait til you can separate (worth ringing them as they may be able to get round that..they are usually pretty helpful)

But also... you need to get the DLA into an account in your name only. Open a basic bank account, then contact DLA and have the money sent to the new account...that bit is easy.
You need to get away from this man. There are a number of benefits you may well be entitled to. But get away from him, file for divorce and then take him to the cleaners.

Do you claim Child Benefit, I wonder?
If he's a high earner he'd have to pay it all back, but if you separate from him then you can certainly claim it without him having to pay it back.

You say you're in the process of gathering information. Here are some links that should be useful:

https://survivingeconomicabuse.org/i-need-help/banking/how-banks-can-help/

https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/criminal-law-information/leaving-an-abusive-relationship-what-are-my-legal-options/

(lots of other helpful info and advice on these websites, and they have helplines too)

Also consider whether he is monitoring your online activity etc - lots of helpful points to consider here: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/cover-your-tracks-online/