To not want to be to friendly with neighbours?

[aliciaflowers]

I live next door to a lovely woman, she is probably in her 20s, I’m in my 30s.

We alternate collecting each others bins and water the others plants if one person is away.

The same neighbour is very good friends with her other neighbour and the two often have late night chats on the door step, go to each others for tea etc.

My neighbour has invited me to go round for a cuppa but I am abit hesitant as in the past I have fallen out very badly with neighbours which started of with me being invited for a cuppa.

In the end the police had to intervene as DH was being harassed and stalked by this elderly couple which all started of with us being too nice and friendly.

It does seem the neighbours fall out often here as the neighbour my neighbour is good friends with has fallen out with another neighbour (all women) so I don’t really want to be getting involved in drama
on my own doorstep hence why I would rather keep it how it is.

I have made it clear that I would be available in an emergency if anyone needed help.

Am I being ignorant to feel like this and keep them
at arms length?

YANBU.
You can be courteous/friendly/helpful when required, but no need to become too friendly if you don't feel the need/want.

I agree with your attitude . Friendly and polite but firmly nothing over the threshold . That way there can't be any dramatic fall out .

Sounds smart to me.

I wouldn’t see accepting one tea invitation as leading to anything more than basic an neighbourliness myself, but if you don’t want to, be busy.

Ive never understood why people think they should get friendly with neighbours anyway. Be polite, yes, and help out if there is an emergency in the street . But cups of tea with people just because they live next door . Why ? I always think you wouldnt go and have a cup of tea with someone you randomly bumped into in the street, so why have cups of tea with someone you randomly find yourself living next door to. You just go in and out of doors next to each other. That's it. Yes, of course, if there's some practical issue you have to take care of between you be polite and sort it. But you'd do that in any situation in life anyway. If you do find that you live next to someone you end up really liking that's nice, but it's not an obligation.

I don't go overfriendly and always vaccinate them against bothering me too much by stopping then right in the middle of their street speeches to me, saying: bye, body, going to work

Bye, busy

"All falling-outs start with friendliness so to avoid falling-outs I won't be friendly" is upside-down logic and an exhausting way to go through life.

You don't have to have cups of tea with anyone you don't want to but they're not like a gateway drug to drama.

Sadly all too often friendships between neighbours, end up with a falling out because people think, 'they're our friends, they won't mind us building a huge conservatory/extension, using their drive for our extra car, etc.', but while they may be friends, the other neighbour feels that expecting them to put up with a huge extension which blocks their light, or parking on their drive without asking permission, simply because they're friends, is a step too far. This is when the shit hits the fan. So by all means be pleasant, chat to a neighbour in the street for a few minutes, but getting any closer is a huge risk, which could end up with you feeling unhappy in your own home.

My advice therefore is to keep things as they are, but don't get any closer OP.

Honestly over the years I have learnt to be polite and speak to them when your around them - but keep them at distance. At some point you are likely to fall out with them over something minor. I am in the process of moving after 30+ years of living in the same house - next door neighbours have moaned at alsorts of things - dogs - children - parking in front of their house (yeah they own the road). I have put up with cannabis - daughters radio in the garden - their dog savaging my friends cat - chucking their Lleyandi shite over the fence when its their greenery - the list goes on. They will never move - I pass the mantle on to my buyers who are very much younger and may take a different approach