I feel haggard at 35. Sliding face and spare tire . Is this normal ?

[Doomygloomy]

I had two babies . One at 31 the other at 33. I’m 35. Sleep is limited . I don’t have time to look after myself but have a basic skin care routine.
Spare tire around the middle due to snacking on children’s carp and two c sections.
I’ve never felt beautiful or great but I feel shit. I dread my reflection. I have two VERY deep smile lines which make me look sad and old . They are all i can see. I had some Botox which was good for my frown and forehead but obviously it hasn’t addressed the deep set lines which make me feel and look miserable.
I’ve been getting spots too lately !

I hate who I see in the mirror. I’ve started to not want to go out. I dread putting make up on as it never looks right anymore. My clothes are tight. I know I sound shallow and pathetic but I hate my appearance and want to crawl away. I’m only 35. For me the worst part is the deep smile lines which make me look old and haggard.

Is it usual to realize you’re suddenly getting old . I feel like I’m getting old prematurely. What’s the point of buying new clothes when my face is awful?

I’m trying to lose the spare tire, and I’ve ordered some Bobby brown make up as I think the less is more look might work.
I don’t know what to do ???? I feel so young to feel so old!

tips ? Advice ? Help ? Anything .

Hey OP! i'm also 35 with a baby. Do you use retinol? it's great for fine lines and texture. I don't think it's about your age, you're young and potentially just not able to see the good things because you're so exhausted.

I'm doing some kyra pro walking workouts on youtube to reduce my c section stomach. They're great!

Give yourself a break! You’re still in the thick of it, parenting-wise, and you probably haven’t slept properly for years. Of course you feel like shit! But I’m sure you look a hundred times better than you think you do - and in twenty years, you’ll look back on this stage of your life and be amazed that you thought you looked old.

Your deep smile lines come from having smiled - that’s got to be a good thing. Your children would rather have a parent who looks like she’s enjoying life than one with youthful skin.

If you keep telling yourself that there’s no point in having nice clothes because you look shit, then you’ll end up in a vicious cycle. Buy yourself something nice and focus on the good stuff in the mirror. Drink plenty of water. Eat plenty of veg.

I completely understand how you feel! Don't worry you are not alone! I'm 34 and I've got 4 kids between the ages of 12 and 5 and I gave up after my 4th coz of this feeling horrible and hating everything about myself. I've not wore make up or nice clothes or had my haircut in 5 years, I literally just wear baggy clothes all the time. I'm so self conscious I go out as little as possible. I was always quite slim and had big babies for my size so I ended up with a hole in my stomach muscles and excess skin on my stomach. So my body looks horrendous. I'm so depressed about myself. I take the pill coz I didn't want anymore children after my 4th so ive always got spots which I didn't even really get as a teenager. To top it all off I've had a few health issues over the past few years aswell. Knowing how shit we feel and horrible it is I wish I could take this feeling away from you!

Hi OP, I’m in a similar position as you at 36. No advice to give but you are not alone.

Yes I am the same- kids aged me years almost instantly. I think its very normal. I try to accept the spare tyre as me, and see that it is unimportant to my babies. I'm still me, and we all age as we go along.

I'm sure you're lovely, OP. You're not wrong for feeling self-conscious though. Beauty standards are ruthless and the changes pregnancy, labour, breastfeeding and parenting cause to your mental and physical health aren't discussed often enough. I'm not a parent myself but I see some lovely comments already and I'm sure some more mothers will be able to empathise more closely. Sending you lots of love, and remember to take time to do things that make you feel good.

Fwiw, I'm 27 and have frown lines. I was going to get botox, but I'd need to keep going back and essentially have to pay a subscription service to prevent wrinkles.. we get older and we get wrinkles and lines. It's not the end of the world! We're so much more than our appearances. This isn't me bashing you for getting botox, if it makes you feel better that's your choice and I was very close to making that choice myself. That doesn't make me a better person because I came to a different conclusion but please be gentle on yourself. Your body carried two beautiful babies, you are wonderful with or without wrinkles 🤗

Try skin boosters, like Sunekos, Profhilo or Teoxane Redensity 1.

They’re injectable forms of hyaluronic acid, sometimes mixed with other things like amino acids.

I swear by them, and my mom recently had 3 sessions which has almost erased the smokers lines around her mouth.

Smile lin3s are beautiful...mrleans you have smiled. So much nicer than fillers etc.

Sorry for typos.

Thank you all for your time and kind responses. I feel such comfort to not be alone.
I know small changes like moving more and eating healthier ( like I used to ) will make me feel so much better physically and mentally. I’ve felt so down I’ve stopped doing my hair and make up and like a post said - this becomes a cycle and I will feel even worse.
I will make an effort . For me. Because I want to. Little changes ! Maybe I’m coming out of the trenches of the small children and I’ve acknowledged that I’m not happy. So I now can view this as an exciting project to make myself feel better !
Thank you everyone xx

Look there is no need for this. None whatsoever.

15 minutes before bed to do very basic skincare will help you both physically and mentally. A hot flannel on your face, followed by moisturiser is lovely. Treat yourself to a nice shampoo (doesn’t have to be very expensive, but it’ll be a boost) and take the time to properly blow-dry your hair.

A gradual tanner (Dove is brilliant and cheap), shape your eyebrows and make sure your hair is nice = transformative.

These little bits will help until you have the space and time to properly lose weight/focus on yourself. Don’t overthink your clothes - it’s coming into the summer - go get yourself some nice dresses (I even love those TikTok ones), a denim jacket and a pair of white trainers.

All can be fixed. I love Botox/Tret etc. but baby steps. Tan your face and get on with it. 🩷

Botox won't help smile lines but filler would

Completely agree

Watch some Dr Andrea Dray on youtube. SPF, SPF, SPF, reapply often and wear large sunhats and clothes that cover the skin. She is a dermatologist and she practices what she preaches. If you sit in the sun, no sof or do not reapply or no proper clothing then yeah your skin will start to show this. Also smoking is a big no no.

I am 38 2 under 4 and having more - hopefully. And my body has changed dramatically in these 4 years. For me I stopped caring and try to live as healthy as possible i stay active with the kids I cook every day or batch cook healthy meals.
It helps my DH adores my new body good and bad. Some women can bounce back, some can't. And unless you can afford private trainers and daily gym and have a nanny it is hard to priorities and impossible for some.

Hi OP, it's because you're in the thick of it. I'm 34 and mine at nearly 6 and 3. This year I decided I was going to really make an effort for myself because I was coming out of the fog! I have finally got to the point I get an uninterrupted nights sleep most nights.

Started with proper skincare - supplements, factor 50, regular face masks. Prioritised healthier eating and did coach to 5k. Got a haircut. My goodness, I feel like a new woman after 6 months, so much more like myself.

I am a bit more wrinkled but that will stay, I've decided to do without Botox/filler.

I just wanted to say, the old you is still in there! It's just the intense stage of parenting that you're at. Once you can do more for you, you'll get your spark back!

I remember what it is like with young children. Is your husband pulling his weight or is it all down to you? Tiredness, exhaustion and being pulled in different directions can really affect how one feels and looks.

I am twice your age and yes, my face has been sliding for a while… but I’m still fit and healthy. My personal advice would be to focus on fitness and health, and the looking good bit will pretty much follow. So…….

• Eat a healthy Mediterranean diet - mostly vegetables, lean proteins etc
• Exercise daily, both cardio and weights (try Growingannanas and Caroline Girvan)
• Do stuff that adds depth to your life and nurtures the soul

My best tips

• drink 2-3 L water a day
• use some strong skin care, retinols, azeliac acids etc look them up for getting a glow
• less is more re makeup I find foundation and eye shadows etc just sits in my creases I just use bronzer now and no base mascara brows gloss etc
• dress for your shape
• try to move everyday 30 mins brisk pram walk

Diet - when my youngest turned 4 I went on a diet and stopped eating crisps, pizza, chips etc and replaced with avocados, nuts, fruit, veg, lean meat and salmon, greens - it will make ur skin look miles better and help with weight loss :)

They call it beauty sleep for a reason ! As a very busy working mother you are probably not getting enough. Sleep is an essential need and you are not going to look or feel better physically or mentally until you are getting enough. Make it a priority. I know that is easy to say.