Hi all,
Sorry it’s a long one-
To preface- I have a 6 month old DS and due to a series of life events (involving fleeing an abusive relationship) had to move back with DP’s when he was 2 months old. I am a single mother and incredibly grateful to DP’s for having myself and DS back and am conscious that having a baby in the house does have widespread implications. That being said I don’t ask for childcare, I do everything for DS myself (of course), contribute to running costs and generally don’t take liberties. DP’s are relatively hands off grandparents but this is just a personality thing and generally we rub along fine coexisting, with the occasional frictions you might anticipate with three adults living in the same space.
A frequent point of contention, however, is DP’s dogs. I am very cautious of dogs being around babies and young children AT ALL and do not like the dogs to be remotely close to DS even when supervised. This is due to the fact that one of the dogs is deaf, has a very temperamental and reactive nature and has badly bitten a person in the past causing a big wound, growls constantly and often lunges for the other dog (doesn’t attack per se but definitely frightening and need separating). DP’s (particularly DM) are unwilling to see him as anything but a “misunderstood good boy” and despite my pleas are not as careful as I would want them to be if I have left them with DS in the past to step out of the room and use the toilet. I.e. I have found them sitting on the sofa with the baby and the dog standing on sofa overlooking baby, sitting with the baby on the floor and the dog on the sofa above the baby or walking inches away. They argue that they are in full control of the situation, I argue this is untrue as a situation can go south faster than they would be able to react and it doesn’t bear thinking about what the result of that could be. This means I now feel too uneasy leaving DS with them ever and have structured my day to mean he is never left under their supervision as I feel I can’t trust them to monitor the situation. As I have no family or friends outside of my DP’s and no contact with DS father I don’t have any other options for living arrangements.
It also means that even when we all sit together and I am interacting with DS on the floor with the dog pacing round or in my lap with dog jumping up they leave me to deal with it myself and don’t interject to call him away as they don’t see it as a big deal.
I understand that they want their dogs to have free reign of the house and I understand it is ultimately their home and they have done me a kindness allowing me back but I worry about what this may look like when he becomes more mobile. Even now if I need to leave him I have to shut him in a room with a monitor as I cannot leave the door open because the dogs are allowed all over the house. Of course I am looking to move into my own place as soon as possible but cannot guarantee when this will be.
Am I being unreasonable to be so resolute about not leaving DS under their supervision as a result or their relaxed attitude? They seem to think I am difficult and it causes many arguments
Any suggestions for what I can put in place once he is more mobile to keep him safe?