AIBU about an ungrateful sister

[Cottoncandy1983]

Hi everyone,

I'll give a bit of background first.

I'm the youngest of five children and my mum brought us all up on her own

The eldest sister and I always got on quite well and never had any problems.

Anyway when she was about 21 she moved out to live with her boyfriend. Everything was good and going great until she decided to cheat on this very nice guy and came back home.

Home she came, tired me out of my bedroom and stayed here for a year or two.

She met someone else and moved out again. She pur a note through the door saying "mum if you don't want me back, leave my stuff outside". My mum didn't leave her stuff outside which meant she wanted her home but my sister then called the police to get her stuff. My mum was heartbroken.

This relationship didn't last very long so yet again back with a sob story and was pregnant. This time my mum was turfed out her bedroom because it was bigger.

She was here until my nephew was about 4 months old and got a council flat very nearby.

Off she went again and all was good.

Then one day, out of the blue she got quite nasty with my mum, made nasty comments that her son only had one and that was her etc and this really hurt my mum.

She stormed out and we never heard from her for two years.

I got quite ill and my mum decided to contact her for advice as she was into medical stuff. We got talking again and found out that she was with one of my mum's friends and they had got married!!!

Never invited her own mother or me but a sister she supposedly couldn't stand.

We forgot and forgave and time went on. She had another baby and all was good. Until she decided to have an affair with the husbands married best friend.

Eventually she left her husband and 15 year old daughter and came back to live with us for the third time.

She got a job, things were ok and eight years later she decided she was moving out to start a new job.

Off she went again and we saw her for our birthdays. She then decided to inform us that she was now with the married best friend of her husband's and was living with him.

We haven't heard from her since, my mum never even got a thank you for letting her stay. My mum spoilt her rotten, lunches made for her to take to work, washing done and ironed, she name it and she never lifted a finger here.

The thing that bothered me the most is that she walked all over my mum and she knew my mum would forgive her anything. When she left for the third time, she left my room in an absolute state with her junk and didn't take a single belonging. I've been left to clear out every dirty disgusting thing. (I've added a before and after pic)

Anyway, AIBU for not wanting anything more to do with her. She is btw 55 and I am 41.

Any advice would be appreciated, thank you ☺️

What your Mum has decided to accept, is between them. It doesn't sound as though you gave a relationship with her, anyway. I would talk to your Mum, if she wants to come back, she doesn't get your room. Your Mum doesn't need you making unnecessary trouble, she's too old for all of it. Just let things plod on as they are. If, in the future, your Sister is about to become homeless, she'll be entitled to over 55 housing and needs directing to the Council.

Your DM is an adult - it's up to her what behaviour she accepts from your sister.
At 41, you are also an adult - you choose to live with your DM - if you don't like it, move out.

Unless your mum decides to toughen up and stop letting your sister walk all over her, your sister's behaviour will continue. You need to get some distance and get on with your own life. You can't control what others do. The only thing you control is your own response.

You're 41 and still living at home with your mother? Time to move out and put some distance between you and the situation. You don't have to continue contact with your sister if you don't want to. You are free to see who you want or not.

Your sisters life sounds very chaotic.
Most mothers tolerate a lot from their children because they love them unconditionally, which is probably why your mum puts up with it.

YANBU for not wanting anything more to do with her as that is your choice, but the chances are high that your mum will have her back living with you if past patterns are anything to go from. And that you can’t avoid unless you move out.

I think you are over invested in all of this because you still live at home.
I assumed you and your sibling were much younger than you are.

Hi, thank you everyone for reading and replying to my post.

I'm the youngest of five, my mum lost a baby 7 years before I was born.

I'm still at home because I've been ill with marfans syndrome and a heart condition since I was 16 and my mum has been my carer.

I feel now that I'm older that it's my turn to look after my mum while I can.

It seems that this last stunt that my sister has pulled has affected my mum more than she realises. She won't eat, every meal she says she has a stomach ache so hardly touches it, she doesn't bath, wash her hair, go in the garden, nothing at all excepts sits in her chair all day until she goes to bed.

She's lost a lot of weight because of not eating and gets extremely angry every day over the way she's been treated by all my siblings, I'm the only one in her life.

She's been a very good mum to them, always been there emotionally so I don't understand any of it.