Cat allergies and asthma

Enderwhere · 2025-05-30T23:10:52+00:00

DS has asthma and a lot of allergies to the usual things, cat in particular seem to really set off his asthma. his dads partner is moving into his house soon and bringing her cat- I'm really worried about DS's asthma- it's currently somewhat under control but previously he has a lot of stays in hospital with asthma attacks. He gets wheezy when he's around cats and that's usually only for an hour or two visiting relatives. will regularly (every other weekend) being around cats mean that he will become less allergic? he does take anti hestamines already but they only help so much. Is there anything else I can do to help him/lessen the effects? I have anxiety so maybe I am over thinking this but it's making me feel sick worrying he's going to have an asthma attack when he's at his dads now

RafaistheKingofClay · 31/05/2025 00:13

Regularly being around them is unlikely to make him less allergic.

This seems massively irresponsible on the part of his Dad.

Totallytoti · 31/05/2025 00:14

WTH is his dad allowing this?! I would make a big issue of it, given he could have an attack!

Hoardasurass · 31/05/2025 00:19

No his allergy to cats is unlikely to lessen and could get worse. Also it won't just be at his dad's house that he's around the cats hairs as they will come home to your house on his clothes.
You need to have a serious discussion with his dad about this as if his allergy is bad enough to trigger asthma attacks that could hospitalise him then his dad should not be allowing his gf to bring cats into the house, either that or your ds can never visit his house again

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 31/05/2025 00:21

Yeah, his dad is being very selfish and unreasonable.

Even if the cat is put outside when ds is there, the cat hair etc will set off his asthma

I was the same as a kid, with a bunch of allergies. And asthma attack as a kid is terrifying. And even the non threatening symptoms, difficulty breathing, itchy skin, runny eyes and coughing are bloody unpleasant. I feel really ticked off on your ds behalf.

I still have all of the allergies now, at 33. I take fexofenedine 180mg daily and ive been able to get a cat.

I was on the fexofenedine for maybe 2 years before getting her x

Edit, before her, my experience of cats had been visiting step dad's friends for a weekend and being ill the whole time. He was also a selfish prick.

Earlymornyawn · 31/05/2025 00:28

Agree with all other posters.
I have a cat allergy, which means i get swollen, streaming eyes, non stop sneezing, pain in sinus etc. Then I had to move in with a relative who had 3 cats. I ended up in hospital having developed asthma due to the high exposure to allergens.
No, exposure to allergens did not make my allergy lessen, it made it distinctly worse. I had never had an asthma attack before.
Please protect your son, as you well know asthma can be life threatening. You need to speak to the father and tell him that his child won’t be able to visit if there are cats living in the house, it’s totally irresponsible.

Original poster

Enderwhere · 31/05/2025 01:01

His dad acted as though I was being totally unreasonable to be concerned when I mentioned it to him- to the point where he is basically claiming ds isn't even allergic to cats (he is!)
he's not easy to talk to actually he refuses to discuss anything important regarding the kids with me and just starts making weird threats so no idea how to approach this properly with him.

OP posts:

Oakcupboard · 31/05/2025 01:06

You are not being unreasonable, I had a similar situation with my DC and ex’s new wife’s pet. After much back and forth, pleading and being ignored it ended up with my DC being blue lighted to hospital.

edit to say I seen your last update, verbatim my ex was the same - denied it. Even after the hospital stay had to get bloods done to prove the allergy to him 🙈 of course I was painted as the jealous ex 🙄

Saggyoldclothbody · 31/05/2025 01:18

To answer your question about what else you could do if the cat moves in; DP is allergic to my cats. As well as taking antihistamines. daily, we have an air purifiers in the living room and bedroom that run 24/7. There is also a product called Petalcleanse which you rub on the cat’s fur to minimise the allergy (it’s generally an allergy to the proteins in their saliva rather than to their fur). There’s a room spray too.

AffableApple · 31/05/2025 01:24

He's very likely to have an asthma attack.

Your ex is a selfish arse

I'm sorry to be blunt, but he can't stay there.

LunaShadow · 31/05/2025 01:26

Saggyoldclothbody · 31/05/2025 01:18

To answer your question about what else you could do if the cat moves in; DP is allergic to my cats. As well as taking antihistamines. daily, we have an air purifiers in the living room and bedroom that run 24/7. There is also a product called Petalcleanse which you rub on the cat’s fur to minimise the allergy (it’s generally an allergy to the proteins in their saliva rather than to their fur). There’s a room spray too.

I was going to put this! Also make sure the cat is kept out of your son’s bedroom or stats downstairs etc. As mentioned, it’s usually a cat salvia allergy.

I am allergic to cats - not as severely as your DS - and being around cats has reduced it. But that’s 24/7. When I go away, I get sniffly and itchy for a day coming back.

is it a massive issue if this means DS never goes to Dads again? Dad is very inconsiderate not to want to discuss or reassure you steps are being taken. Can you speak to the partner?

CloudyPortal · 31/05/2025 01:37

I'd get him allergy tested. The gp can refer him, it's a blood test and they can do dogs at the same time.
It will give you a grading so ex takes it more seriously. Our DDs allergy is bad to cats and dogs (we already knew it was to dogs but didn't know it was to cats, so tested her rather than trialling how long she took for an asthma attack).
She's 14 and can go around to friends houses with pets briefly but can't sleep over their houses. She was at a friend's house for an hour today who has a cat and came home with red blotches on her face where she had accidentally itched and was coughing for a while after.
I think some people underestimate pet allergies. They can be mild but they can also be severe especially with asthma contributing to the reaction. Once the dander is in the house avoiding the actual pet doesn't help the reaction much.

Littlemisscapable · 31/05/2025 01:43

Yes get him tested so you can really understand the nature of the allergy. Our ds is anaphylatic to nuts and randomly is really really allergic to cats. We asked consultant if he could become anaphylatic to cats as his reaction was so severe and she said she couldn't rule it out and to minimise contact with cats completely. Therefore your sons dad is being utterly unreasonable! You just don't know how he will react and will they treat him appropriately. I would be very concerned.

Zanina · 31/05/2025 01:49

Try to get him tested through allergy clinic. Maybe also tell social services about this? If anyone else with some wisdom could advise whether telling social services would help. How old is your child? Could they refuse to go to dads?

Original poster

Enderwhere · 31/05/2025 01:58

He's 11, i will tell his dad he can't stay if the cat is going to be living there. DS is going to be really upset to not be able to go to his dads and I know it's going to be me getting the blame and made out to be crazy

OP posts:

shipofools · 31/05/2025 02:33

Enderwhere · 31/05/2025 01:58

He's 11, i will tell his dad he can't stay if the cat is going to be living there. DS is going to be really upset to not be able to go to his dads and I know it's going to be me getting the blame and made out to be crazy

It's shit for you, but better that than having him die of an asthma attack.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 31/05/2025 03:31

Saggyoldclothbody · 31/05/2025 01:18

To answer your question about what else you could do if the cat moves in; DP is allergic to my cats. As well as taking antihistamines. daily, we have an air purifiers in the living room and bedroom that run 24/7. There is also a product called Petalcleanse which you rub on the cat’s fur to minimise the allergy (it’s generally an allergy to the proteins in their saliva rather than to their fur). There’s a room spray too.

None of this worked for my severe cat allergies.

I’d need steroids. Anti histamines don’t even touch the sides.

toomuchfaff · 31/05/2025 07:56

Dads shouting loud and clear what his priorities are... nice

Father of the year right here.

Endofyear · 31/05/2025 08:17

I have a cat allergy and can't spend more than a few hours in a house with cats without feeling awful. I think you're right to say your son can't stay there, it could trigger a serious asthma attack. Your ex is being really irresponsible and is not prioritising his son's health 😔

Zedania73 · 31/05/2025 08:26

You are not being unreasonable. I love cats so much it hurts, and the thought of having to give mine up terrifies me, but a child's health ALWAYS comes first. Even more so when they are already suffering because their parents are separated. It might help the situation to acknowledge that it must be very difficult for the woman to give her cat up, but that sadly there is no other way. A dad should also prioritise his child, even over a new partner.

Zanina · 31/05/2025 09:46

What is his relationship like with your son? Im wondering if that is the aim - to push your son away / move away from responsibility. He moves a cat and cat lady in, son gets sick / no longer able to stay but he can't he seen as the bad guy so you take the fall before your son gets sick, or your son gets sick and his father say oh well nothing can be done. I wonder if the cat lady knows that her partners son has asthma etc. So many questions!

Original poster

Enderwhere · 31/05/2025 10:02

Zanina · 31/05/2025 09:46

What is his relationship like with your son? Im wondering if that is the aim - to push your son away / move away from responsibility. He moves a cat and cat lady in, son gets sick / no longer able to stay but he can't he seen as the bad guy so you take the fall before your son gets sick, or your son gets sick and his father say oh well nothing can be done. I wonder if the cat lady knows that her partners son has asthma etc. So many questions!

his relationship with both the kids is a bit.. like he thinks of them as not his responsibility more like he's an uncle or older brother. I'm constantly Having to have it out with him about making sure they go to their clubs etc and to supervise them properly because he lets ds have a pc in the bedroom with no restrictions so just unsupervised internet access entirely.
Partly I do feel like he doesn't care if he doesn't have the kids, but wants to paint the narrative that I would be keeping them from him because I'm evil and spiteful or whatever.
anyway I have told him ds can't go, he's supposed to pay his child maintenance today and he is refusing to because I am "keeping his children from him" (I am not!) so I can tell he's not going to be cooperative about this at all.

OP posts:

Hoardasurass · 31/05/2025 12:24

Enderwhere · 31/05/2025 10:02

his relationship with both the kids is a bit.. like he thinks of them as not his responsibility more like he's an uncle or older brother. I'm constantly Having to have it out with him about making sure they go to their clubs etc and to supervise them properly because he lets ds have a pc in the bedroom with no restrictions so just unsupervised internet access entirely.
Partly I do feel like he doesn't care if he doesn't have the kids, but wants to paint the narrative that I would be keeping them from him because I'm evil and spiteful or whatever.
anyway I have told him ds can't go, he's supposed to pay his child maintenance today and he is refusing to because I am "keeping his children from him" (I am not!) so I can tell he's not going to be cooperative about this at all.

Show quote history

Contact the CMS ASAP you should also update your claim to say that your ds will be staying 0 nights per year with his father. I'm sure an increase in his child maintenence will focus his mind back onto your child's health and away from his own libido.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 31/05/2025 13:45

I’m badly allergic to cats and there’s no way I’d be able to spend a weekend in a cat house even if the cat is kept out of my bedroom. It would be unbearable and by the first night I’d be struggling to breathe. That’s with taking 180mg of fexofenadine and having reliever inhalers on the go. Your poor son.

Letstheriveranswer · 31/05/2025 14:27

Saggyoldclothbody · 31/05/2025 01:18

To answer your question about what else you could do if the cat moves in; DP is allergic to my cats. As well as taking antihistamines. daily, we have an air purifiers in the living room and bedroom that run 24/7. There is also a product called Petalcleanse which you rub on the cat’s fur to minimise the allergy (it’s generally an allergy to the proteins in their saliva rather than to their fur). There’s a room spray too.

If his father isn't bothered enough to not have a cat move in, and is in denial about the allergy, he is unlikely to reliably use all of those things.

And even so, it won't stop an allergy that is severe enough to involve breathing issues.

Letstheriveranswer · 31/05/2025 14:38

I am allergic to cats and get asthma within a few minutes just from sitting within a couple of metres of a cat owner in a public place!

I have visited friends with cats, I take antihistamines, use an inhaler, walk in their front door, straight through the house and into the garden and my chest is still closing up by the time I've got to the garden. It is no joke. I also then have asthma and have to take antihistamines for another couple of days afterwards

I also asked at one stage about desensitisation but was told that because the allergy gave me asthma it was too dangerous to try it.

There is a medication you can take for a few days ahead of time to stop the lungs being so reactive but side effects can be (and for me are) sudden depressive thoughts so that's not a viable option.

I would get a referral to the allergy clinic as at least it is on his file then and if his dad goes to court you have the evidence.

You are doing the right thing, you can't mess about with asthma. Maybe he can see his dad in the park for an afternoon at the weekends. Being more exposed to cats with an asthmatic reaction is more likely to make him more allergic, not less.

Some people do desensitise themselves but that's more when they just get itchy eyes and a runny nose.

I am sorry.