Husband looking at big boobed tiktokers

Whoseaspangle · 30/05/2025 21:54

Personally I wouldn't be happy about this at all.
He is your H and took vows to you.
I would find find him perving over young women a form of betrayal.

Original poster

30somethingmum987 · 30/05/2025 21:56

@Whoseaspangle thank you for responding. Honestly that’s how I’m feeling but wasn’t sure if I was over dramatising. Thank you.

OP posts:

Emonade · 30/05/2025 21:57

30somethingmum987 · 30/05/2025 21:45

Ok longish one and first post. My phone battery was dead and I picked up husbands to browse TikTok - not unusual as we both freely use the others phone. His for you page brought up ‘evorastephanie’ (take a look on TikTok) and I’m a nosy Parker so clicked on search to see he’s been searching it frequently. I then had a look at the search history and he is definitely looking up large boobed tiktokers (I’m an e cup so not small!). Yes I definitely shouldn’t have snooped but it was a rabbit hole I found myself falling down and honestly I was so surprised because we are open with our phones etc, at least delete your search history!

My biggest upset I feel is he’s currently taking medication which he says has lowered his sex drive so we hardly ever have sex now maybe once in the last 4-5months which I’ve really struggled with but tried to be supportive but this feels so icky and has made me question my Body image. AIBU to be upset by this? I don’t know whether to mention it or just shrug it off as a man looking at boobs, equally I wouldn’t search up penis’ or look at 6 packs etc so it has definitely hurt my feelings both towards him and towards myself.

It’s so gross, and disrespectful and I would absolutely lose my shit at him. Have you told him you’ve seen it? If he’s looking at it a lot/searching a lot it is a real issue

Original poster

30somethingmum987 · 30/05/2025 21:58

@Emonade i haven’t spoken to him yet but I will be. Just needed to know if I needed a reality check or if my feelings/thoughts on it were valid. Thank you

OP posts:

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 30/05/2025 21:59

Are they the ones who bounce their breasts at the beginning of their videos?

Yanbu anyway, especially since he can't perform but can seemingly masturbate

Is he just exhausted and can't be bothered for the energy that sex involves, but still gets the urge? It's probably that rather than that he doesn't like your body xx

Original poster

30somethingmum987 · 30/05/2025 22:01

@mumofoneAlonebutokay thats the ones! Absolutely could be the case but I feel he should have been honest about that and not gone this way. I genuinely feel so ick and gross about it. Thank you for responding

OP posts:

Emonade · 30/05/2025 22:03

30somethingmum987 · 30/05/2025 22:01

@mumofoneAlonebutokay thats the ones! Absolutely could be the case but I feel he should have been honest about that and not gone this way. I genuinely feel so ick and gross about it. Thank you for responding

Edited

I’m not surprised you do, it is so grim. How do you think he will take being asked about it?

Original poster

30somethingmum987 · 30/05/2025 22:06

@Emonade knowing him probably apologetic and will say he won’t do it again etc and he probably won’t. He generally swings towards being a great husband but I hate that he’s felt the need to look and do it.

OP posts:

PermanentTemporary · 30/05/2025 22:06

Honestly... I'm sorry you're feeling this so much. Is it possible to try and just see it as a sign of his sex drive starting to recover? Could you talk to him about it? Ask him to try and engage more with you if he wants to kick-start things?

I'm saying this because I do sometimes 'use' sexual stuff to get in the mood. I stick to written stuff myself for all sorts of reasons. I'm not sure what dp would feel about this, but I regard it as part of my private sexuality and not in any way meant to reflect badly on dp or our relationship.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 30/05/2025 22:08

30somethingmum987 · 30/05/2025 22:01

@mumofoneAlonebutokay thats the ones! Absolutely could be the case but I feel he should have been honest about that and not gone this way. I genuinely feel so ick and gross about it. Thank you for responding

Edited

That's okay - I'd find it icky too tbh yanbu at all

I really think it could be that, but he just feels embarrassed about speaking about it. Life gets exhausting and maybe he doesn't like how it would sound xx

Original poster

30somethingmum987 · 30/05/2025 22:08

@PermanentTemporary thank you for another perspective. I think I’ve definitely taken it very personally due to our lack of sex life atm, it’s been hard not to. But you may be right. Worth a conversation to ask and see and if not it’s an opportunity to explain how I feel about it, thank you

OP posts:

Original poster

30somethingmum987 · 30/05/2025 22:10

@mumofoneAlonebutokay we are definitely very busy so he probably is exhausted, as am I. Definitely worth a chat before I spiral further

OP posts:

Whoseaspangle · 30/05/2025 22:20

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 30/05/2025 21:59

Are they the ones who bounce their breasts at the beginning of their videos?

Yanbu anyway, especially since he can't perform but can seemingly masturbate

Is he just exhausted and can't be bothered for the energy that sex involves, but still gets the urge? It's probably that rather than that he doesn't like your body xx

So how does this work?
OP's H gets a free pass to perv on big breastfed women to revive his sex drive/ because he is too tired to have actual sex with his wife.
But OP is upset and has her confidence knocked because he is using other women's bodies for his sexual gratification and so probably no longer feels comfortable having sex with him.

I don't see how there any positives can come from this for their sex life.
Surely instead of looking elsewhere for his sexual stimulation he should have been talking to OP about their issues.

PermanentTemporary · 30/05/2025 22:24

I just think if you are asking a fellow human being never to seek or even to have a single sexual impulse that is not directly focused on their partner, you're asking the impossible.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 30/05/2025 22:27

Whoseaspangle · 30/05/2025 22:20

So how does this work?
OP's H gets a free pass to perv on big breastfed women to revive his sex drive/ because he is too tired to have actual sex with his wife.
But OP is upset and has her confidence knocked because he is using other women's bodies for his sexual gratification and so probably no longer feels comfortable having sex with him.

I don't see how there any positives can come from this for their sex life.
Surely instead of looking elsewhere for his sexual stimulation he should have been talking to OP about their issues.

Show quote history

I'm not justifying his behaviour? Just looking for an explanation

But I don't think its the op's body, just that he's being rubbish at communicating that he is in a space where he can't get it together enough to be intimate with his wife

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 01/06/2025 10:19

30somethingmum987 · 30/05/2025 21:45

Ok longish one and first post. My phone battery was dead and I picked up husbands to browse TikTok - not unusual as we both freely use the others phone. His for you page brought up ‘evorastephanie’ (take a look on TikTok) and I’m a nosy Parker so clicked on search to see he’s been searching it frequently. I then had a look at the search history and he is definitely looking up large boobed tiktokers (I’m an e cup so not small!). Yes I definitely shouldn’t have snooped but it was a rabbit hole I found myself falling down and honestly I was so surprised because we are open with our phones etc, at least delete your search history!

My biggest upset I feel is he’s currently taking medication which he says has lowered his sex drive so we hardly ever have sex now maybe once in the last 4-5months which I’ve really struggled with but tried to be supportive but this feels so icky and has made me question my Body image. AIBU to be upset by this? I don’t know whether to mention it or just shrug it off as a man looking at boobs, equally I wouldn’t search up penis’ or look at 6 packs etc so it has definitely hurt my feelings both towards him and towards myself.

YABU for naming the tiktoker in question. Still maybe you'll be increasing her followers...

UniqueExpert · 01/06/2025 12:23

I don't think shaming anyone for normative sexual behaviour is the way to go.

Or making victims out of partners of people who watch sexually attractive material.

I feel like I've wandered into a purity culture church.

Cherry8809 · 01/06/2025 12:50

UniqueExpert · 01/06/2025 12:23

I don't think shaming anyone for normative sexual behaviour is the way to go.

Or making victims out of partners of people who watch sexually attractive material.

I feel like I've wandered into a purity culture church.

You have - it’s Mumsnet 😂

OP, if you’re really wanting to know what he’s been watching and which profiles he’s been searching for, you can view it all under “activity centre”. Not sure if it’s a rabbit hole you want to go down, but at least then you’d know if it was just a one time occurrence.

icelolly12 · 01/06/2025 12:52

All men are pervs, some just hide it better than others

UniqueExpert · 01/06/2025 13:02

icelolly12 · 01/06/2025 12:52

All men are pervs, some just hide it better than others

I don't think you know what pervert means.

It means someone's sexual behaviour is considered strange, unnatural or unacceptable by most people.

Which doesn't mean a man liking to look at clothed boobs or any other sexual image. That's completely normal.

As is masturbation. In or out of a relationship or marriage is completely normal.

It's no more perverted for a man to look at sexual imagery than it is for a woman to.

It's normal sexual behaviour in adults.