To be intimidated by boyfriend's long marriage?

[User1573]

I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months , we are very in love , yet I feel intimidated/jealous of his relationship with his ex, they were together in total 25 years and have children together.
He never mentions her but anytime he talks about his past, I always think, oh, that's when he was with her and it puts a dampner on everything. I'm jealous that he was with her for so long and then I think how can he love me in the same way, we have only been together 6 months.
I love him and don't want to lose him.
AIBU? Yes you are being irrational to be jealous of someone who he is no longer with.
Or YANBU it is normal to feel jealous of such a long shared history.

then I think how can he love me in the same way,

He never will. You need to accept he's a different person than he was 25 yrs ago. If you can't do that, you're not ready to be in a relationship.

I get you OP. My DP is older than me and had a much longer relationship (marriage) and way more baggage than I do. It’s then become the situation that I’m expected to put up with things he wouldn’t like to have to deal with himself.

I'm the only GF my DP hasn't been engaged to and we don't officially live together, but he did with his last partner. I've had to really work hard to identify what bothers me. I'm slowly reasoning it out. We've been together five years. Identify your needs and make sure that they are being met, you aren't compromising and he isn't future faking.

Would you be happier if he'd only had a string of short-term relationships? Or has never been in a relationship at all?

DH (9 years older than me) was previously married and had been with his ex 15 years. She was his first everything, love, sex, living together, children etc etc.

I felt just like you and was quite insecure. I’d try and give myself a talking to as we all have pasts, but it took a while for the feeling to pass, which it did.

It then came back when we had DD, as while she was my first child, she was his 4th. I compared myself to the ex all the time and was convinced DH secretly wanted to get back with her.

again the feelings passed and we have now been together now for almost 33 years.

she on the other hand has had a series of failed relationships and currently lives alone . We actually get on fine and I sometimes wonder what it was about her, I was so intimidated by.

I was my ex for 10+ years. We still get on and I still love him in a brotherly way - I want the best for him, don’t mind seeing him occasionally, definitely don’t wanna shag him.

Would feel sad if my partner was unsettled by it because there’s absolutely nothing threatening there bar shared experiences and a mutual respect.

you’re the future - look to that and all the new experiences you’ll have.

How did the relationship start? Did he cheat on her with you? In whcih case id avoid as he will be messed up and could be using you if he was caught.
My friend got strung along by a guy who claimed to be in love with her . Promised her he'd never go back to his ex.
A year later they decided to try again. Be careful unless he had a decent bit of time between both his ex and you

Who split with who or was it amicable.

You've been with him for 6 months. I've had food moulding in my fridge for longer. You think you love him, but realistically, you don't even know him.

They were together for 25 years. They have divorce, for whatever reason, and the relationship is over. She will always be in his life forever. Theresno escaping it. There're kids and there will be weddings, birthdays, grandchildren ect. You need to find your own place in his life.

Don't compare yourself to her. Don't compare your relationship with him to hers. It's not a competition. They have history and im sure lots of happy memories. They also have hurt, anger, disappointment, resentment and trauma.

Your bf wouldn't be who he is today without his life experiences including his past relationships.