Hunny go get get that man, or dont?

rubyslippers · 30/05/2025 14:21

Your relationship is not healthy in any way
he’s been emotionally unfaithful / texting
you moved in quickly
unresolved trauma
i would be looking at getting out - you’re dissatisfied and have no kids so why not?
you’re not happy but if you leave, I would look at investing serious time and energy into yourself / you’re trauma and how to have healthy relationships

MauraLabingi · 30/05/2025 14:22

I'm not clear what you're asking exactly. But to take your points in order:

It is possible to share the burden of kids with shared parental leave and childcare from age 1, if you want to. If your husband doesn't agree, don't have kids.

You say you've forgiven him for cheating but obviously haven't because if you had you wouldn't have brought it up. Either forgive him, get therapy, or leave him.

You want to sleep around in Ibiza if I've understood that right? Well you can if you want, but then your marriage will be over. Pick one.

Not enough sex for your needs. Talk to your husband, ask him what's stopping him. If medical, he needs to go to the doctor and should be adult enough to do this. If something else, depends what it is as to what you do. If you don't know why he doesn't want sex you can only guess which won't help. Communicate.

ChandrilanDiscoDroid · 30/05/2025 14:25

This pretty much sounds like it's not a marriage, it's a dysfunctional trauma response. He's unfaithful, you don't have sex, you don't love him, you don't want the same things. You don't have kids, so just... end it. Preferably, and get some counselling on the side. End it cleanly and respectfully before you fuck somebody else and your marriage ends as a shit storm of lies and hurt.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 30/05/2025 14:58

Why on earth did you get married?

He cheated on you multiple times over multiple years, and you're dying to sleep around. What exactly about the relationship made you both think "Yes, I want to lock this in for life"

Get a divorce, it'll be the best thing for both of you.

givemushypeasachance · 30/05/2025 15:07

You say you're "happy now" - do you actually love him? Love and trust him and want to spend the next potentially 50 years with him and no one else? Do you enjoy his company? Do you have similar interests? Can you talk about anything with him? Do you want to (potentially) have children with him and raise them together?

Original poster

SpoonyMember · 30/05/2025 15:23

I do love him absolutely, i just want to be loved unconditionally and have that attention from him (which ive tried to communicate but he's always to busy), never had these feelings before or ever even looked at anyone else while we've been together, i think this trip has just given me perspective that this relationship is built on toxic energy and i've begun to wonder whether i'll wake up one day down the road and he's played away again if he was willing to do it at my lowest. I really thought i'd got over this but clearly i'm very confused... i really struggle with putting everyone elses needs before my own. Sorry this whole post is very confusing probably matches how i'm feeling right now. There just seems to have been a massive switch for me mentally

OP posts:

DontTouchRoach · 30/05/2025 15:34

This whole relationship is a shit show.

twattydogshavetwattypeople · 30/05/2025 16:02

Do you have a specific other man in mind whom you are planning to 'get'? You do know it's not compulsory to have one, right?

Olika · 30/05/2025 16:06

To be frank I think it’s better you go your separate ways while you still young so you can enjoy being single and free to do whatever you want before you settle and have kids with the right person. By the sound of it your current husband isn’t that.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 30/05/2025 16:07

Why have you changed the thread title and posted this again?

Mulledjuice · 30/05/2025 16:18

It's not realistic to think that in a lifetime of marriage you'll never fancy anyone else or wonder what it would be like to be with someone else.

It's also quite a tall order to trust someone who was willing to cheat on you multiple times when you were low and supposed to be in the most infatuated loved-up period of a relationship.

Personally I'm not sure unconditional love is a realistic expectation of 2 unrelated adults. It's what a parent feels for a child.

You don't have children and you don't mention any money worries, health worries or caring responsibilities. If he won't engage in conversation with you about the fact you're physically and emotionally unsatisfied in the relationship why would you have children with him? Why would you stay together?

I know you won't feel it but you are so young. You have your life ahead of you. Is this the best you want for yourself?

HotCrossBunplease · 30/05/2025 16:24

What on earth does your thread title have to do with what you posted?

You have had sex twice in the 6 months you have been married. The stuff you are writing reads like Chat GPT went mad on self help books. No idea why on earth you got married but suggest you get out fast and start again.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 30/05/2025 16:57

Oh girl, life is too short for this

You quite literally want to be at the club, where you should be at 27 (perhaps even at 33, me)

Leave him, be honest and say you're too young for the life you thought you wanted.

Don't be guilted into staying! Best of luck ❤️

Huhuhuhu39272 · 30/05/2025 17:09

SpoonyMember · 30/05/2025 14:15

AIBU, yes, yes i am. But hopefully someone will tell me i'm not crazy to feel like this LOL.
husband and i have been married 6months (no kids) i've just turned 27, however i'm beginning to panic that i'm at a different stage he's taking about kids but doesnt realise that my life will change completely, career, social, we have no family close by and i fear i'd be in the trenches alone. Anyway thats another story.
We've been together 6 years, i mived in after 6 months during covid and was desperate for security after some deep personal trauma... during the first 3 years i found out he'd been extremely flirty texting and sexting a few different girls (at the time i was at such a low i felt i couldnt leave -preface we are happy now) & i'm not stupid i do believe that of course it was more than that however i chose to forgive and get on with it at the time...
fast forward to now hes 32 & i'm 27, ive just been to ibiza for a weekend and had the best time ever but its reawakened a side of me that i'd put to bed when all the personal trauma kicked off and thats that i love a party and love to be wanted, i've come home feeling like it'd have been nice to have enjoyed it as a single girl (please no judgement i feel awful - obviously i didnt act on it but i wanted to)...
am i a horrible person to want attention and to be wanted, i often feel like ive had to teach my husband to love me... also 6 months married and had sex twice and its not for want of trying on my part.. so theres something wrong somewhere
please help or atleast let me know i'm not a horrible person for feeling this way... maybe i am but would love some perspective, advice, please help....

Jesus where do I start?

The man’s a slime, talks to girls all the time (sorry, truth bomb incoming) and is now keen on baby trapping you. You’re not listening to your gut, at all..

Huhuhuhu39272 · 30/05/2025 17:11

Oh and the low sex…guy got cheat/porn addict written all over him 🤷‍♀️