Am I being unfair?

[someonehastoberight]

So I work TTO and dh works 4.5 days with a lunchtime finish on a Friday (compressed hours) we have a young son and I also have chronic pain. School holidays are tough on me.

During TT dh gets Friday afternoon to himself he usually goes to the gym/takes dog out for a walk. In the past in the holidays he would still expect that free time which bugged me slightly but I accepted it, now because I’m struggling more I expect him to factor me and ds into his plans. So today I asked him about this afternoon and he said he was thinking of going to the gym so I asked if he could help for some of the afternoon with ds so I could rest. He agreed he would and we said we would discuss it at lunch time . When he came down after work he was in his gym clothes and had packed his gym bag. This annoyed me because he’s assumed he’s going to the gym without discussing it. But he claims if I needed him to have ds he just wouldn’t go to the gym. I feel like by getting ready he’s making it harder to discuss what the afternoon will look like as I can’t really say actually can you take ds out. Am I being sensitive?

Why does he not want to make the most out of spending time when you’re both off together as a family? Did he not take any leave this week?

In which case the MUM in this scenario should be the one going to the gym as SHE is the one parenting while her husband “helps” occasionally when asked

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head using the term ‘it’s the assumption’ I think many fathers just assume that the mothers are constantly the default parent and they can do as they please!

Many would though. Especially on MN. But there you go

I was going to ask how long he'd be at the gym, but see from updates he'll be home by 2.30. That's practically the full afternoon at home - I don't see anything wrong with what he did.

He was off Monday as BH, he went to the gym in the morning, I asked him to take dc out for a couple hours so I could rest in the afternoon which he did.

Is he not parenting too (Helps occasionally)? I havent seen evidence that he isnt, just that the OP is struggling and feels the DH going to the gym is causing an issue.

So if he is parenting as much as he can, working FT and going to the gym, is he still being unreasonable?

Does the MUM and any point mention that she would like to go to the gym?

@Tessasandersonhe does parent of course and if I want to do something (like the gym) I will check with him and plan ahead if he’s ok. But it’s the fact that he will just go out and assume I’m doing the kids that annoys me . When he finishes work at 1 I wouldn’t stick my head round the door and say right see you later I’m off out.

So where's your ten year old son in all this, is he not also wanting time with dad? And your two older daughters, can they not entertain their brothers for a bit too, or are they already moved out?

Other dc are obviously not a concern/involved in this situation otherwise I would have said so on the op.

But is that not him sticking to his routine? Surely if its a routine that normally works its not him assuming anything. Its how it happens.

Assuming would be him changing the routine and not even bothering to check with you because he thinks you will automatically do the childcare. There is a difference in my eyes.

I asked if he could help for some of the afternoon with ds

DS's dad?

If its his child; its called parenting; he's not helping you with DS, he's parenting. Remind him he's a parent.

maybe? I see it as holidays are different but I get your point. He doesn’t do this on a weekend maybe that’s why.