Hi all
Ive been with DP almost 3 years. We are engaged and wedding is next July.
He lives around 1.5 hours from his mum, so not too far, and he sees them now and again (I would say once every 4-6 weeks due to DP's mum's work schedule).
They seem to have a very turbulent relationship, that I am a bit scared I will be dragged into once we are married.
DP mum has been a single mum since DP was 10 yr old to 4 SEN kids, so I do have a lot of respect for that fact. DP also respects his mum for this, and has told me as such (he has no contact with his dad, who hasn't bothered with him since).
Anyway, DP and his mum have quite intense arguments and fall out often, and its not something I am really used to. They have went months beforehand, not even speaking. He says his mum has narcisstic tendencies that he's noticing as he gets older.
Some examples below:
- DP mum was annoyed DP hadn't visited her in a couple of months, but DP had been busy with holidays, and work and moving house. She said he doesnt have his priorities straight, didnt listen to his side and said he obviously didnt care now for his family. They didnt speak for around 3-4 months
- DP informs his mum of our wedding plans, to which she has opinions on the money we are spending and asks why we are doing it. Most of our budgets are being put towards activities etc to accomodate SEN kids at our wedding, so DP was obviously annoyed. DP is now not divulging any details about said wedding to his mum
- DP was invited to his cousins wedding, but his mum hadn't told him as she had assumed the invite was for her only. By time DP had been informed, the wedding fell over his moving weekend (landlord needed keys back that day etc and moving services booked etc). Apparently he didnt care about his family because he cant go. This caused another argument
- DP and I got sick on holiday and we had put it down to food poisoning as the symptoms fit and we had ate some shellfish on a boat (which didnt seem cooked the best!) DP mum argues with him that we may not have food poisoning, and asked why he thinks this. This went back and forth for ages - despite a doctor seeing us and confirming. Not even a "hope you feel better soon" etc. DP now not speaking to his mum again
Once we are married, I know there will be more involvement with the in laws. At the moment, I tend to stay out of all the arguments they have but still support DP at home.
Would I be unreasonable to still adopt this attitude into marriage etc?
DP says he's keeping me out of family group chats etc to protect me from "his mums nonsense" but realistically once kids come along etc, is this really the best way to go?