WIBU to call out my MIL's behaviour?

[Fedup187]

Will try to keep this brief. My son (12) went round my MILs and FILs for the evening whilst my husband and I attended a work event. My son ate his dinner there. MIL got him to eat some roast chicken and a couple of roast potatoes. When we picked him up there was a big show about him eating this. You need to know at this stage, he's very fussy and struggles with food textures, lovely boy other than this, no issues, good as gold. But... I do my best food wise. So he will have weetabix and raisins for brekkie or toast and butter, a ham or chicken sandwich for lunch with veggie sticks and then plain pizza or chicken and pasta for tea with salad and a corn cob and a glass of smoothie. Then grapes for dessert. I've tried and tried to vary this and his main meal choice does change at times but we've reached a point where this is what he will eat! He also has a good quality multi vitamin each day and rice cakes, the occasional biscuit etc. but is a healthy weight, growing well, good teeth etc. Anyway, what hurt me is this. My son overheard his nan (MIL) whispering to grandad (my FIL) "his mother never feeds him anything nutritional" as if him eating those roast potatoes was the height of nutrition 🤣 she hasn't got a clue about what is healthy and not and is a massive feeder, spending her whole time offering junk to anyone who visits and thinking it's 'healthy' e.g cereal bars. I was really hurt by this comment and now don't see her in the same light. Such misogyny, of course it's not my husband's fault, it's mine as the woman! My h says to ignore but I feel prickly around her now and she will wonder why. Very two faced as she's nice as pie to your face so seen her in a new light! I won't say anything, what's the point, but needed to get this out and see if I'm wrong to be upset.

It always smarts a bit when you find out somebody believes something negative about you which isn’t true, but ultimately you know what DS eats and that it’s a balance between nutrition and what he’ll eat, and that’s all that matters. MIL believing something different doesn’t change that. She whispered something about your diet out of your earshot, you’re posting about what she eats on MN where she can’t see it. Just call it even at this point.

Equally, are you sure DS isn’t just giving snippets into what he eats to his grandparents? My goddaughter came over for the day this week. When her mum asked her conversationally what we’d had to eat, she said “a raspberry Cornetto, and crumble.” She didn’t mention the lunchtime omelette, or the chicken curry for dinner.

Some people just don't understand about the issues around food with children and the struggles that come with it. You are doing your best and it sounds like a healthy daily food consumption anyway , all food groups are in there, along with his multi vitamin plus he's a healthy weight and growing well. I would absolutely bring this up to her , educate her and set it right , so she can't be whispering in anyone's ears again or judging. Then your son will start to think the problem is on you or something isn't right with his diet, you are right to feel very prickly. Definitely set it straight with her

Ignore her. if you have a go she still won’t see your perspective and you will be the bad guy. The likelihood is that your son felt pressured to eat things he’s is uncomfortable eating which isn’t ideal, given her unhealthy attitudes around food I’d try to avoid him eating at hers going forward.

No I could not bottle it up. I would have to say something! You’re right, roast potatoes aren’t the height of nutrition, and why is up to you to feed him not his dad? Nah that comment would bubble away with me, she’s disrespected you

Actually ignoring fussy eaters and just encouraging them to eat food in a different environment with a different person is often a good thing and can be helpful.

I had a friend's daughter round who my friend cooks separate meals for as she is apparently so fussy. I don't do separate meals and just cooked pasta with home made tomato/veg sauce and served the kids. She just ate it and asked for seconds. My friend was shocked as apparently she doesn't eat pasta!

Just ignore her comment as it was harsh, but perhaps you are coming across as being a little restrictive with what your son eats which is where the comment came from?

As long as my extremely fussy child eats at grandparents it is up them what they feed them or what my child eats, no need to have any conversations about it

Just ignore it and be happy that your son actually tried something different to what he normally eats. She hasn’t got a clue how hard it is to manage your son’s food on a daily basis.

On a positive note, I have a family member who was just like your son when it came to food. Once he had a girlfriend and didn’t want to look different in front of her, he started adding loads of foods he’d never had before to his diet. You’d never know he was a picky eater now.

Now that your son has tried chicken and roast potatoes and more importantly eaten them! Add them to his diet at home. I know her comments are infuriating but see it as a positive. You could even work with her and get her to add other things to your son’s diet when he’s with her.

Honestly it is not two-faced to have some negative opinions about someone. Nobody is a saint

And I would question what you are feeding your son

I think the vast majority of people would be very shocked and hurt if they knew what was said about them between a married couple who believed their conversation was private. Can you hand on heart say you've never once said something to your DH, your mother, sister or best friend about someone that the person wouldn't have liked? You already know that you and your MiL are not on the same page when it comes to food. As a grown up you should know that people say stuff about others to their nearest and dearest. You've just had the misfortune of hearing something not intended for your ears. So no, I'd not "call it out". I'd forget it and move on. The time to speak up is if the comment or similar is made to you.

So, she thinks you aren’t the best with food, and tells her H. You think she’s a misogynist and tell MN.

I’m not sure why you think you have the moral high ground?