I may struggle to get my point across without explaining in full but we’ll be here all day.
i moved out - well i was pushed out of our marital home after my husband ended the marriage along with our DC and dog. He changed the locks that day so I couldn’t get back in.
I always thought he was an angry and scary man but had no idea that it was control till my Doctor pointed it out.
since finding out he has another woman who he must have been seeing long before I moved out - probably still together which I can’t prove but they have known and spoken to each other for years (He claims she was just a client), it’s like my spell has been broken and I’m piecing together all the things he did and said to me.
He has always been exceptionally good at the way he word and phrases things, particularly in text so I have “no proof” of the control but at the same time he knew I feared him so the way he worded things spoke to me in ways it may not speak to others.
Today I took a propanol - first one since I moved out and told him a few truths (via text obviously). Can not believe I managed to do that.
He hates it when someone speaks back to him especially a woman.
obviously he worded things very cleverly and did what he does best by making it sound like it was all in my head and he’s adamant I have “someone helping me”. I have VERY few people in my like - because of him!
We have a child together and I am allowing him to see them. I’ve actually NEVER told him not to come to my house he expects me to do all the driving as he’s without for now which I have been except for one time when I wasn’t feeling well.
As I have set boundaries (just for the next visit at least) he’s making it sound like I’m using our child. That I’m bean mean and spiteful. But he doesn’t see and I fear he never will how he actually controls situations.
He keeps telling me he’s skint and that’s why he cannot help me financially but his job earns him and average of a grand a week paid daily and after tax so he’s either having the worst couples of months he’s ever had at work ever or it’s yet again another one of his bulls**ting stories as he likes to remind me I kept the savings. (The savings weren’t much - he could earn that in a month and it was ALL used to make our house liveable).
my question is (sorry it took so long) - should I at this point stand my ground or should I do what I do best around his and just please him for an easy life?
There is way more to this story and his character but like I say I would be here all day.
I just don’t want to make the mistake of letting my bitterness get in the way of my DC childhood. But equally don’t want my DC to see me being a pushover/mug. Child is only 6 but has witnessed many times dad shouting/screaming at me and me unable to fight back. I’m not sure if they understood as they’re disabled but is still able to see/hear/remember.