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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to move

25 replies

wwhatto · 29/05/2025 20:13

Me and DP are mid-late 20s and have been in our first home for a few years now. Bought our home before having kids but now have 2, a newborn and toddler.
we have a 3 bed terrace which is a decent size but not really quite big enough. Our mortgage is quite low and very affordable for us.
Im currently a SAHM but want to go to uni in a few years (after saving up to afford it) to retrain to get a good career and earn a decent wage (what I consider decent anyway)
DP currently earns around 30k.
Our fixed term ends in 4 years and I’ve mentioned wanting to move home by then, depending on me being in work/how much I’m earning but DP says we should stay in our home as the bills are affordable and I should go to uni while we can afford it. If we were to move we’d need to double our current mortgage. Tight but doable.
I want to give my kids a good life/better home in maybe a nicer area (we live near a city centre) but I don’t want to wait too long and risk moving my kids schools when they’re getting close to finishing primary school. The thought of moving them schools makes me feel incredibly guilty and like we need to move now!
AIBU to want to move in the next 4 years and go through uni with a higher mortgage?
should I do what DP thinks and we should stay here until I’ve gone through uni, however long that might take?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 29/05/2025 20:17

I’m with your DH
your plan is a bit vague - if you’re go back to work / study you’ll need some form of childcare which is a cost, breakfast and afterschool clubs cost
your DH is a pretty low earner - what career are you looking at going into?
a three year uni course and then entry level job isn’t going to bring in mega bucks immediately
and FWIW, secondary is key not primary

Original poster
wwhatto · 29/05/2025 20:20

Thanks for your reply! My DPs work is flexible so he’s home during the day and works evenings. My toddler just goes to nursery for the funded hours so our childcare costs aren’t an issue.
im looking to do a postgrad course so it’s 2 years and 2 days a week and would see me start at band 6 if I were to go into the nhs which is what my plan would be

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 29/05/2025 20:21

wwhatto · 29/05/2025 20:20

Thanks for your reply! My DPs work is flexible so he’s home during the day and works evenings. My toddler just goes to nursery for the funded hours so our childcare costs aren’t an issue.
im looking to do a postgrad course so it’s 2 years and 2 days a week and would see me start at band 6 if I were to go into the nhs which is what my plan would be

So what’s the plan for the baby’s childcare?
if you started the course now you’d be done in two years? And band 6 is how much per year?

Zanatdy · 29/05/2025 20:22

I guess either scrap the idea of Uni and get back to work sooner rather than later, or stay put. It is a big risk to increase the mortgage so much whilst you’re a SAHM. I guess you need to decide what you want more, a bigger house, or chance to go to uni and earn more in the long run (and move at that point when you’re earning). I’m with your DH.

HenDoNot · 29/05/2025 20:31

You say you’re not going to uni for a few years.

Are you planning on working in the meantime until then? If not, who exactly is “saving” for you to go to uni and paying the extra mortgage payments that you want to take on?

CarlettaMonGoria · 29/05/2025 20:31

I am with your Dh too. You are putting all your eggs in one basket on his solo wage and your plans include retraining and going back to uni which I think is great I would stay with where you are now and look again once you are in work, earning and then the mortgage calculation might be better on two wages rather than the one.

You might move when your children are close to finishing primary anyway for secondary schools.

Shit, just realised you said DP and not DH, why would you risk this without the security of marriage?

Lmnop22 · 29/05/2025 20:39

Would you still have capacity to save for a postgrad degree (presumably from DP‘s wage since you’re not working) and pay a higher mortgage though?

How far would that set back your saving goals and realistically mean you could start your postgrad qualification and contribute to the household income?

Original poster
wwhatto · 29/05/2025 20:45

I’ll be going back to work when my youngest is 1 so I will be earning from that and saving from that. It’ll take my 2-3 years to save enough to cover the uni fees and I would carry on working through uni to contribute to the bills. Me and DP are engaged we just haven’t set a date yet

OP posts:
Original poster
wwhatto · 29/05/2025 20:47

rubyslippers · 29/05/2025 20:21

So what’s the plan for the baby’s childcare?
if you started the course now you’d be done in two years? And band 6 is how much per year?

Show quote history

The course is 2 days a week and DP is home during the day for childcare and I’d need 2-3 years to save enough to cover the fees and band 6 is around £38k but would rise with experience

OP posts:
Original poster
wwhatto · 29/05/2025 20:48

HenDoNot · 29/05/2025 20:31

You say you’re not going to uni for a few years.

Are you planning on working in the meantime until then? If not, who exactly is “saving” for you to go to uni and paying the extra mortgage payments that you want to take on?

Yes I’m planning on going back to work after my may leave is over so would be saving from my wage

OP posts:
MidnightPatrol · 29/05/2025 21:01

I think we need some numbers here.

How much equity do you have in your home, how much will the home you want cost?

How much do you earn collectively and how much can you borrow?

If you’re going to not work for two years and he have to cover all costs on one income, that might be difficult - a bigger mortgage does sound risky.

Shinyandnew1 · 29/05/2025 21:12

The course is 2 days a week and DP is home during the day for childcare and I’d need 2-3 years to save enough to cover the fees and band 6 is around £38k but would rise with experience

What does your job (the one you are starting when your youngest is one) pay a month and much do you need to save for the course?

Will your partner be able to look after two children whilst he works whilst you are also at work/doing the course?

Vaxtable · 29/05/2025 21:15

I am with your dp. Do uni whilst the kids are young do now and then get on with your career. Then move in a few years

LeonaStep · 29/05/2025 21:18

MidnightPatrol · 29/05/2025 21:01

I think we need some numbers here.

How much equity do you have in your home, how much will the home you want cost?

How much do you earn collectively and how much can you borrow?

If you’re going to not work for two years and he have to cover all costs on one income, that might be difficult - a bigger mortgage does sound risky.

This - impossible to comment without knowing the figures @wwhatto

Original poster
wwhatto · 29/05/2025 21:18

MidnightPatrol · 29/05/2025 21:01

I think we need some numbers here.

How much equity do you have in your home, how much will the home you want cost?

How much do you earn collectively and how much can you borrow?

If you’re going to not work for two years and he have to cover all costs on one income, that might be difficult - a bigger mortgage does sound risky.

We have approx 35k equity and would be looking at homes up to 250k based on a combined income of 50k which includes my salary when I go back to work. Our current monthly mortgage payment is half of what we would be paying if we went for a 250k house

OP posts:
GRex · 29/05/2025 21:25

Compromise is always the best way. Get your fees on loan, start studying now, move in 2 years when you graduate.

Original poster
wwhatto · 29/05/2025 21:30

GRex · 29/05/2025 21:25

Compromise is always the best way. Get your fees on loan, start studying now, move in 2 years when you graduate.

I hadn’t even considered getting a loan to cover the extra fees. Not sure if I’d be accepted as I’d be getting a postgrad loan too, unfortunately the postgrad loan doesn’t quite cover course fees

OP posts:
ViciousCurrentBun · 29/05/2025 21:31

You have enough bedrooms for everyone, I think you should stick with your current house.

Lmnop22 · 29/05/2025 21:31

If you can work and do the postgrad course and keep earning all the way through, don’t plan on having any more children and thereby incur more childcare costs and more maternity leave and the new mortgage is based on affordability with your current lower earning position than the one you’ll end up in post qualifications then go for it and move!

My son started reception last September and he’s made such lovely friends I would hate to move him. He went to a lovely pre school in another city but we had to move due to unforseeable circumstances and it was heartbreaking to watch him leave his friends so I understand if you didn’t want to wait all the way until secondary school starts to move why it makes sense to move prior to primary school starting.

PeapodMcgee · 29/05/2025 21:36

Are you sure there will be a position available for you, where you want to be? Lots of recruitment restrictions in NHS at the moment.

Theyreeatingthedogs · 29/05/2025 21:36

I'm with your DH. From the numbers given so far it would be crazy to move. Not even sure you'd get a big enough mortgage. Your house is big enough for 2 adults and 2 children with 3 beds.

Shinyandnew1 · 29/05/2025 21:43

combined income of 50k which includes my salary when I go back to work.

Will you not have any childcare costs at all when you go back to work? How much will you be earning and also saving for your course?

AndSoFinally · 30/05/2025 11:55

Are you already working in the NHS and want to do a course to up your grade? If so, look at what might be available through work. Lots of my colleagues have done a masters or a prescribing course funded by the NHS so there might be something there.

I would wait. What if there isn't a job for in your area when you qualify? You'd have to move again.

Get everything in place while you can definitely afford it and move later once you know where you are

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 30/05/2025 13:20

It’s always a better decision to choose security over comfort. Having a large mortgage along with rising costs and unstable inflation will cancel out the pleasure of a new home. Plus moving is expensive!!!

Original poster
wwhatto · 30/05/2025 13:29

Thanks everyone for your input! It’s really helped hearing what others think. I think we are best off staying put for now. I think it all boils down to feeling guilty for not being able to provide more for my kids, even though it’s mostly material stuff that I mean, bigger house, nicer area, etc. I want to move to a nicer area with a bigger house so my children can grow up there but at the same time I don’t want to put us under financial strain and in the long run, I’m probably better off going to uni while our bills are affordable. Sorry for the ramble, thanks again everyone!

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