Partner body odour causing issues

[weepat]

Partner of 10+ years always manly smelling. Must shower thoroughly every 24 hours.
Particularly obvious If wearing sports tops. He knows this .
He has retired early ,not for medical reasons & doesn't think he needs to shower everyday as " not working up a sweat" & that a wash will suffice.

I tried to gently say please shower every day. I see people noticing the odour.
Direct comments cause arguments.
I am considering moving to spare room as no longer willing to share bed. He is offended
Any suggestions on how to improve the situation?

How can he be offended about you moving beds when you’ve told him the reason and he’s downright refused to take a very simple step to fix it?!

Showering every day is something I expect every adult and particularly every adult man must do to prevent BO whether they work in a sweaty job or not!

Totally bizarre that he isn’t embarrassed by your mentioning of it and others noticing it and equally keen to fix the issue…..

Isn't this one of those "Only your best friend would tell you this, and I'm your best friend, so........" moments? You have to tell him. He might not care if he's a bit whiffy, but you do, and if he loves you, he should care how you feel.

Say that women have a more sensitive sense of smell than men, so even if he can’t smell himself others definitely WILL be able to.

Sounds awful OP… I’d really struggle to be anywhere near him I think.

First, he might need a physical. Some odors can be indicative of illness. Or he could be eating things that make him reek.

If it's just hygiene related smell, I would get the ick myself. He's deliberately inflicting his self imposed stench on you because he's dirty and stinks. I'd tell him so every time he got near me. He gets offended? That stench is from bacteria. Wait until he gets a staph infection.

Peppermint lip balm with a bit close to the nose can cover a lot of nasty smells.

Wear a mask around him when he stinks.

Make him do all his own laundry.

Tell him YOU’RE offended that he doesn’t love or respect you enough to maintain basic hygiene!

Seriously I’m not even hyper vigilant about showering myself (e.g. will happily skip a day in winter when I’m working from home and not exercising) but if my partner told me I smelled I would be mortified and apologetic. The fact that other people are noticing the odour and he doesn’t care is not just gross, but humiliating for you. I would refuse to go anywhere with him, let alone share the same bed…

I have refused to go places when he isn't washed. This when the arguments happen.
I to will not shower in the morning on a day off, but if I go out later I shower before leaving. He will tell me I don't shower every morning if we argue.
It's the bed sharing that's becoming the main issue as I don't want him touching me when he smells.
He says if I move to the other room it's embarrassing as partners share a bed.
My answer is who will know apart from us. That's easily solved by being cleaner.
I have smelly feet & wash feet on return from work & sometimes before bed too. He thinks that's overkill. I just think it's respectful & hygienic.

Good idea on the health issue. He does have diabetes so possibly from that? I will investigate .
I do use laundry sanitiser as the armpits of his clothes do smell if just washed normally. The sanitizer does help remove the odour.

I feel your pain. Give him deodorant.
He's retired can his friends help you ? Doesn't sound like a happy relationship . How's your sex life?
My partner is smelly too. Type 2 diabetes.

He could be as offended as he liked id say you are a soapy B and if you don’t shower and use deodorant you can move out because I won’t live with a soap dodger.

Type 2 diabetes possibly that's causing the issue. It was my suggestion a few months after we met to get checked which may explain the manly smell he lways had.
But he always knew that. Its just not washing now. I'm.wondering if retirement has caused depression?
Sex life is becoming rare occurrence verging or non existent, so moving to other room doesn't bother me so much.
I will just buy batteries. How sad!!

Sounds like a smelly herbert. Get him to do his own bloody washing. Don't hide his smelliness from him or make it your job to sort him out.

I find it so odd that some couples can't be honest about this sort of thing. My DH and I will just say "you're a bit smelly" and we will go have a shower.

There's no drama or malice to it.

I feel like if you can't have a conversation about something as little as this without it escalating then that speaks to bigger issues.

Edit: My DH has type 2 diabetes also. He can get a bit of BO, but only if he hasn't showered that day and isn't using a good antiperspirant (which is the same as me tbf).
I haven't noticed diabetes making him smell in general and I am sensitive to smells.

Is he using soap or just shower gel/body wash? He needs to use ordinary old fashioned soap to get properly clean.

Could it be the sports clothes making it worse?

Some fabrics hold onto odours when they’re old and have been used a lot. They make fresh sweatiness even stinkier and washing them doesn’t necessarily help much.

He also really, really needs to shower. I feel for you!