To ask you to tell me about your neurodivergant teenagers and young adults?

[snorlaxismyspiritanimal]

Posting on AIBU for traffic as the SEN boards are a bit quiet.

DS is 7 and though his Paediatrician referral has been rejected, CAMHS have undertaken two classroom observations and noted;

Attention & Regulation Difficulties: Easily distracted, frequently fidgeting, struggles
to sit still, and needs prompting to stay on task. Needs attention and validation from
class teacher.
 Social Challenges: Engages in conversation but struggles with turn-taking, fairness,
and controlling impulsive reactions. Struggles with peer interactions.
 Emotional regulation difficulties: large outbursts and difficulty calming down.
 Sensory sensitivities: Frequently fiddles with objects (shoes, carpet), rocks in his
chair, and rolls under the table, which may indicate sensory-seeking tendencies

DS is an only, and as I say, 7, so some of it I'm sure is usual, however taking the assessments as objective observations, were I reading the report not knowing ds, I would be expecting some neurodivergence. D's doesn't exhibit the same extent of behaviours at home, however he is sensitive, quick to temper and does struggle with loud noises and can be a terror to get to pay attention. We manage at home well and have been told by CAMHS we are using all the techniques they would recommend already to help him feel contained and safe. He is very intelligent, creative and wonderful but does struggle with perceived injustice and self esteem.

I know in my heart that DS will ultimately be ok, that any diagnosis does not change who he is, but it would open doors of support and understanding for him, particularly as he gets older and changes school. We will be seeking re referral to paediatricians with the camhs observation as evidence and will consider utilising right to choose as there's mega waiting lists.

I'm just sad reading the report that there are clearly areas that he struggles with. And that if there is neurodivergence this will mean life could be a bit harder for him to understand and navigate than if there isn't.

Please could you tell me about your teenagers/young adults/yourself with neurodivergence and how things are? Looking for some optimism really.

Hopeful bump

You'll get such a wide variety, op, that I'm not sure it will be helpful. You've already said you know he'll be fine with support, so my advice is to focus on just that - getting him the right support.

Fwiw, both of ours are ND. Similarly bright, able, in mainstream etc. One found life significantly more difficult early on than the other (youngest likely autistic/ adhd and eldest has adhd). We understand them better now, the support is in place at home and at school. They're thriving. Will they live 'normal' lives? I'm not sure. But we're going to give them both the best chance possible. That's all you can do, really. Ensure they know they're loved with every fibre and you'll advocate for them for as long as they want/ need you to.

Not the answer to your question but if you have Netflix then Parenthood and Atypical both show families parenting autistic boys really well imo.

As PP said there's no such thing as a typical ND journey. Both mine are ND, they present differently and have different challenges (a few in common)
The key thing is figuring out your own DS. What does/doesn't work to support him, and then pushing for the external support to help.

My DS was diagnosed at 8. I knew from a very young age when we were banned from toddler groups for sons behaviour. He pushed hit and pulled children's hair but in swimming lessons, music groups and structured activities he was impeccably behaved. I put him in for dance lessons at 3 as I realised he needed structure. He is now 17 and applying for dance/drama schools!!

He was a nightmare in reception and never got invited to parties because of his behaviour. Fast forward to yr 1 and like the above as it was more structured he was the model student. He has loved school from the first day of year one and has never ever struggled going in since. He adores school.

Life was a struggle when he was little - my DH and parents couldn't cope so I was like a lone parent. I was criticized for giving in, indulging him and spoiling him. He was known as weird odd and a cry baby. Everything had to be done regimentally lunch at 12.12, bedtime 733 etc. He ruled his life by time and numbers. He also had a niche and slightly feminine interest which I let him have and still do and I was seen as making him weird.

He is now 17 thriving, loads of friends, the life and soul of the party. He doesn't gel with people his own age so most of his friends are in their 20's. He is very academic and very hard working (too much sometimes and his last parents evening he was told to maybe stop working so hard as he was becoming obsesive). He does school tours and speeches at parents evenings and has a part time job which he loves. He is hoping to go to drama or dance school in 2 years time.

Kids love him adults him - teenagers not so much. He is opininated and confident. He doesn't have a filter and speaks his mind which can get him in trouble which I do worry about in the future.

My NT DD is 20 and she is less confident and less capable than him.

We leave them overnight often and he cooks locks up at night etc rather than DD. When he was 10 I worried just like you about what life would be like for him in the future but he has found his niche and where he fits in.

I was also lucky that when he was growing up he was always happy being him and never wanted to be like everyone else - although everyone told me I should have moulded him into being like his peers. I do think some autistic children really struggle because they try to fit in and when they can't they really struggle with their mental health.

I would always say just advocate for him be on his side even if no one else is. It was very lonely very lonely for me as it was me and him against the rest of the world.

I worry more about my NT DD now than him. He wants to go to uni/drama school as far away from home as possible. He has plans to travel and see the world. He has a very black and white attitude to life so doesn't overthink which I think is why he is so confident in his abilities.

Some of the worlds greatest thinkers were or are neurodiverse. It's just a different way of being and the world is switching onto it.
DS sounds a lot like your son at 7. Except his sensory seeking behaviour included stroking other people's hair! 😳. He was ultimately diagnosed with ADHD, not autism (his sibling is autistic). DS was the calmest adolescent. He was utterly disorganised but was not challenging in any other way. I really think that lots of sport (not team sport, but running and athletics) really helped, as did twice weekly army cadets.
His educational psychologist said he scored higher than anyone she had ever tested for emotional intelligence.
At 24 he has a degree, is doing a masters, is buying his own little house, he can't sit still, has to run to burn off energy, but is a genuinely lovely lad. I wish I could have seen him now when he was at primary. I could have saved myself so much worry.