If you had 10 more years to live?

Chiseltip · 29/05/2025 13:52

Sorry OP, that must be a challenge, I'm not sure I could be as pragmatic as you.

I think I would just enjoy the small things that make up our days. We all live such a small little life, but we all think it's so much bigger than it really is.

Nicaveron · 29/05/2025 13:53

itsallsohard · 29/05/2025 13:24

I'm 59, with two grown sons. I've just been given a diagnosis that means I will certainly be dead in at most 10 years. Not totally unexpected.
I don't know what I want to do with these 10 years. I've had a good life already so I don't quite see the point of more travel. I work a do-gooder job that I hate and was planning to quit, but can't stand being idle, and I might as well be of some use to someone.
I'm working on basics (wills etc). But how do I fill the time?

So sorry to hear of your prognosis.
Have you shared this with your family. If so, I think I’d want to spend quality time with my family. Maybe some family holidays - building memories for the family.
I hope you can plan some meaningful events and that you can enjoy those years.

Acclim · 29/05/2025 13:59

Love to you OP hope things might pan out much better than you think ❤️

GentleIron · 29/05/2025 14:12

I'm so sorry this is unfolding in your life. I've just watched a loved one live to the end of their prognosis, having made such good use of their time, and approach death with a sense of completion and no loose ends. They had significantly less time, and were older than you will be, but what I observed was:
•they cultivated a sense of gratitude for small mercies and appreciation of beauty in ordinariness
•they leaned into the natural world; the garden, outdoor spaces, the seasons, TV shows, some environmental causes
•they really tended their relationships and friendships
•they made sure to have their fill of enjoyment: things they found funny, tasty, entertaining and engaging -lots of it
•like you, they put their personal affairs in order as a matter of priority, and told family exactly what to expect
•this person had a spiritual practice in which death features easily and practically; they spent time honing the aspects of their practice which would prepare them for making the transition from relative health to deterioration, and from life to death
Wishing you all the best, OP.

BeMintFatball · 29/05/2025 14:13

OP I’m the same age as you . First thing I would do is dump the job and anything else that doesn’t give you joy.
You are as fit as you’ll ever be today. Any events or experiences you want but never got round to , make plans to do them as soon as possible.

Joeydoesntsharefood25 · 29/05/2025 14:22

Im sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I would make a bucket list. Focus on things that bring you joy, improve your health as much as possible so your last decade has as much energy and vitality as possible. Spend your time wisely with people you love and that love you, learn about things that interest you, maybe learn an instrument or a new language. Let go of anger and resentment. I wish you many blessings.

Sunnyday321 · 29/05/2025 14:25

I would just bring more things into my life I enjoy .
It doesn't mean you have to run around the world one last time
It might mean having a coffee outside every time it's sunny.
Or taking a short walk every day , or starting up that hobby you've always meant to try .
Just take time for yourself and have the people that mean the most around you when you can .

drivinmecrazy · 29/05/2025 14:26

Might sound counterintuitive but give yourself time to digest your prognosis .
nothing has to be decided today or next week.
I have kind of a similar situation, no prognosis but a realistic idea of future outcome.

sometimes I feel completely overwhelmed by the enormity of it all, but have to metaphorically kick myself that I’m not dead yet.

sorry I’ve not been much help 🌺

MercyChant66 · 29/05/2025 14:31

GentleIron · 29/05/2025 14:12

I'm so sorry this is unfolding in your life. I've just watched a loved one live to the end of their prognosis, having made such good use of their time, and approach death with a sense of completion and no loose ends. They had significantly less time, and were older than you will be, but what I observed was:
•they cultivated a sense of gratitude for small mercies and appreciation of beauty in ordinariness
•they leaned into the natural world; the garden, outdoor spaces, the seasons, TV shows, some environmental causes
•they really tended their relationships and friendships
•they made sure to have their fill of enjoyment: things they found funny, tasty, entertaining and engaging -lots of it
•like you, they put their personal affairs in order as a matter of priority, and told family exactly what to expect
•this person had a spiritual practice in which death features easily and practically; they spent time honing the aspects of their practice which would prepare them for making the transition from relative health to deterioration, and from life to death
Wishing you all the best, OP.

OP, I'm around the same age as you and GentleIron's post really resonates with me. I'm so sorry that you've had this diagnosis but I hope that this time will allow you to focus on what and who is important. If you can leave work and it's not giving you anything meaningful, then do that as soon as possible. You'll develop an instinct for people and experiences that enrich your life and you'll gravitate to them. I understand your need to be helpful and make a contribution and you could do this by volunteering. But you can also use some of your time to help your family come to terms with what lies ahead. I hope this doesn't sound trite but I find that crafts/being creative gives me a sense of purpose (and keeps my hands busy while watching TV) - if that's your thing, maybe making something for your family to keep would feel productive? It's lovely to want to do some good but this is also your time now and I wish you the very, very best 💕

SilverWingDove · 29/05/2025 14:37

I am in a very similar situation to you OP and what I have decided to do is try to be fully present in every moment of every day. Of course I try to spend as much time as possible with people I'm most fond of but outside of that it doesn't really matter what I do, so long as I am experiencing it fully. I feel that is what life is for now.

BarbaricYawp · 29/05/2025 15:59

Simple pleasures. Walking in the woods or on a beach at low tide. Time with friends, family and animals. A cup of tea in the garden at sunrise. Talking late into the evening around a firepit. Candles, flowers, good food, laughter. Reading, writing, creating. Singing with others. Your list will be different from mine, but simple pleasures rather than great experiences are where it's at imo.

And dump anything or anyone that drains you. Never was the phrase life is too short more apt.

I'm sorry you're at this point. I've just had an unexpected diagnosis that has focused the mind too. Wishing you well. x

ZeldaFighter · 29/05/2025 16:11

I'm sorry to hear this, OP, and I wish you all the best.

My mum passed away in her 40s when I was a teenager and recently I had the opportunity to chat to a 90 year old man, who had lived in our village all his life. It was fascinating to hear stories of my home and real life decades before I was born so....

Could you spend some of your time passing on your stories and knowledge?
Doing a family tree with your knowledge of your grandparents and even great grandparents?
Writing down or doing video blogs of how life was for you?
Labelling photo albums with dates, people and places?

I also recently came across some things I'd kept from my Grandma's home after she passed. They'd been left in a box in the garage. My Grandma had painted a tiny China plaque with my name in her calligraphy handwriting. It's beautiful and thoughtful and I sobbed like a baby to see it. It's now on my kitchen windowsill to see every day. Could you do something like this for your loved ones?

Wishing you all the best

NovemberMorn · 29/05/2025 16:15

Spend as much time as you can with the people who make you happy.
Do the things you enjoy, if you have a bucket list, start on that.

Good luck and God bless. x

BarbaricYawp · 30/05/2025 17:45

The family tree idea is brilliant. When I traced mine using online resources I found that it was easy to get at the data for the most part, but what I would have liked to have known more about was the qualitative stuff, the stories, what was the name of that person/place again, who's the child in this photo, etc. But by then my father had died and my mother had dementia, so there was no opportunity to ask. My kids are too young and immortal to be interested in that stuff yet, so I really want to create some kind of document or dossier they can mine for information one day, even if I'm long gone by then.

DilemmaDelilah · 30/05/2025 17:54

I'm in much the same situation. I'm just carrying on as normal, as much as I can, but I have also started clearing out the clutter in my home, the loft, the shed etc. Not keeping stuff just for the sake of it. Making sure my will is up to date, my papers are in order, that kind of thing.

I may have ten years, I may have 5, but I know I won't feel like doing the useful stuff towards the end so knowing I have everything in order now means I don't have to worry about it later.

I have retired a couple of years early, so that I can spend time with my husband and family rather than at work. Otherwise life goes on as normal at the moment.

Acclim · 30/05/2025 18:08

DilemmaDelilah · 30/05/2025 17:54

I'm in much the same situation. I'm just carrying on as normal, as much as I can, but I have also started clearing out the clutter in my home, the loft, the shed etc. Not keeping stuff just for the sake of it. Making sure my will is up to date, my papers are in order, that kind of thing.

I may have ten years, I may have 5, but I know I won't feel like doing the useful stuff towards the end so knowing I have everything in order now means I don't have to worry about it later.

I have retired a couple of years early, so that I can spend time with my husband and family rather than at work. Otherwise life goes on as normal at the moment.

Hope things pan out better than you think ❤️

Original poster

itsallsohard · 02/06/2025 12:26

This is all very helpful, thank you. I do know it will take time to process the news. Meanwhile maybe I can distract myself by making a bucket list ... which definitely includes making memories with my family

OP posts: