To not go now?

[Liveandletlive73]

I have a small group of friends consisting of 4 of us. I am the only person in the group with children. A few weeks ago it was decided that we would go out for some drinks or a meal with partners this coming Saturday. Now the weekend is approaching, I mentioned in the group chat we have that I would need to know what time we were planning to meet so I could arrange childcare for DC as I currently have a parent in hospital. This was sent on Tuesday, since then they have all read the message and not a single reply. AIBU to not go now? It’s annoyed me that not only do they not understand I need to arrange childcare a few days in advance as people have their own lives, but they also ignored the fact that I said I have an unwell parent in hospital. I wanted to go more as to not isolate myself from the group being the only one who has children however now I don’t care

I'd give them another nudge before just not going all. Depends how much you want to go I suppose.

Maybe reach out to the one who's likely to have organised and ask them directly what time you're meeting although if its lunch or dinner then you do roughly know timings anyway

Well if there’s no time there must be no booking, do you regularly leave it up to others to arrange?
A more constructive message would have been to suggest a time and place, often these very open ended messages get ignored when they’re sent in group settings as everyone is assuming someone else will reply.

Is the booking down to one person, who makes a decision? Or is it a group negotiation?

If it's a group thing, then sometimes people get stuck thinking someone else will decide/reply. If you only asked "what time" but didn't suggest a time, then you may not have helped get things going.

I agree though, bad not to respond re your parent

You sound stroppy and immature, sorry. Why don't you just ring one of them and sort out what time you're meeting?

It's likely everyone is waiting for someone else to respond. Take control of it yourself "I've booked a table at xx at 7pm, see you all then!"

It's also only been 2 days, people are busy and have their own stuff going on

Why can’t you make the suggestion as to when to meet? Say let's meet at 7.30 ‘ .

It would be ridiculous to cut off your nose to spite your face.

Doesn’t it take 2 minutes to reply to a message? It’s more so the fact that I mentioned I have an ill parent in hospital and it’s been aired.

re to another reply, it was vaguely mentioned we could either do day drinks or go for some food, and I wasn’t the person who organised it and as people are travelling I don’t want to assume a time that is best for me and not others hence why I asked the organiser

I agree with others. Be the one to suggest a time and place to get the ball rolling. Do you actually like these people, though? It sounds as if you’ve gone from ‘I’m only going to this thing to stop myself being isolated because I’m the only sponge with a child’ to ‘Fuck you all’ very quickly.

Of course it's bad form for friends not to acknowledge you saying you have a parent in hospital.

"Its only been 2 days" "people are busy". They've all read the message. It's not hard to respond

I'm not good at sincere messages, so there has been times I've thought, I'll reply to that when I've more time and then forget. Can you phone or directly message the organiser, outside the group chat? Perhaps the others don't know what time they are getting there yet. That is the plus side of not having children.

No she doesn't. She sounds like a parent who needs to sort childcare for 2 days time and doesn't know what time to sort it for. How does that make her immature

This, why didn't you say, how's 7pm for meeting up? Need to plan my childcare.
You see it all the time on here, people stropping and complaining about nights/days out and they're NEVER the planners or organisers and expect others to arrange things for them, then moan when its not perfect!

Because I didn’t suggest and it as per I’ve previously posted, others are travelling so it would be more selfish to assume a time that is best for me and rather let everyone suggest a time then make a final decision

Some people are organisers, many are not. I'm one who's not. They've probably read it and thought 'someone else will reply' until you've had children you don't appreciate the organising that anything involves; as for your ill parent, that's a bit shitty. Don't take it personally.

Just suggest a time and ask if it works for others - you’ve got the pressing need to get it pinned down and it’s far easier for people to say “6pm works for me” or “actually, could we do earlier, like 4?” It doesn’t matter that you weren’t the one who suggested a get-together, it sounds like this is a small friend group meetup not the type of thing that has one designated organizer. One friend already got the ball rolling by suggesting a date so you pick it up and suggest a time.

The thing is, the others might all be thinking "well I'm travelling, but I'm flexible, let XYZ say a time as it probably matters more to them."

As PP suggested, if you do want to go, message back and say "I need to sort childcare out today. Is 7pm good for everyone, or does someone want to suggest a different time?" That gives people a starting point to work from

Sponge? I don’t know where that came from! Should have read ‘I’m the only ONE with a child.’😱

But you’re the only one who needs to know a firm time now, because of arranging childcare. So be the one to say so, and say ‘Shall we say 7 pm? Could people confirm they’re ok with this because I need to arrange a babysitter now?’