AIBU to think this is normal…

[SarahScone]

Shameless post for traffic (posted in parenting but few replies).

Baby ds 6 months old and screams whenever his dad is holding/looking after him. I am primary carer. Generally ok if he can’t see me (although can be on edge) but if he gets a glimpse of me he turns into the anti-Christ.

DH thinks it’s not normal and is worried there is something wrong. Am I being unreasonable to think this is fairly usual behaviour for a 6 month old? (for info, he was doing it a lot from around 2-5 months but then stopped doing it for about 6 weeks - a blessed relief - but has recently picked back up again.)
Any solidarity for DH also appreciated as its miserable for him and he’s feeling stressed about it.

My DS was a Covid baby and once the restrictions eased and he was given to anyone that wasn’t me, he would scream his lungs out. It was worse whilst I was breastfeeding too because he just wanted me constantly and for something my then DP couldn’t give him.

I think it’s fairly normal, although a slightly extreme reaction to someone who is around a lot. I would encourage just carrying on with having your DH hold him, be alone with him, play with him as you hold him etc etc so he gets more and more used to him and he will grow out of it in time.

Must be very upsetting for your DH though and I feel for him until the phase is over!

Yeah it’s a phase. I used to wait for DH to get home, hand him the screaming baby, and go hide in another room with the door closed. They all get used to it.

Absolutely normal.

I don’t know. I had Four and none of them reacted in this way to be fair.
Is DH quite tense when he has the baby they do pick up on that

And that’s why you need to leave them alone to get on with it @Profpuddingotherwise it can become a self-perpetuating problem.

Neither of my dcs had this issue with DH. We were lucky as he has had 4+ months off work with both dcs so didn't have to rush back to work after 2 weeks. It helped hugely with bonding and he has always had a close relationship with the dcs.

I’m not sure I agree with that. It seems to be in the same category of them being forced to self soothe.
They never do, It’s just painful for everyone to watch

It’s really not like leaving a baby alone to cry! It’s leaving a baby with its other caring loving parent. Not remotely similar.

To be honest, does it matter if it's normal or not? Your baby won't shape up just because it's behaving abnormally. FWIW I think it is pretty normal although different babies will exhibit different levels of preference for their primary carer. Your DH needs to hunker down and spend the time getting through the crying so the baby is more familiar with him.

@Icanttakethisanymore agree that it makes not a jot of difference as to whether it is normal in terms of baby’s behaviour. But it would make a difference to DH if he could feel less worried about it.

Thanks everyone for your responses ☺️

This, exactly. They’ll figure it out.

Yes it is normal separation anxiety, the solution is DH should spend more time with the child with you not around.

If you have been re-appearing and taking over, that has only encouraged the wailing and gnashing of teeth.

It’s not anything like self-soothing or CIO 🙄

The child is learning to get comfortable with another primary carer.
This is super common, and it happens for some even when they go to nursery as well.

Thanks everyone.

Some conflicting responses around leaving them to it, or playing all together and getting him happier with DH while I’m there. Any further thoughts?
My inclination would be to stay and ease him in gently but that might just be because I’m soft.