My sister and brother go on holiday each year with their families and have never mentioned or suggested we go. AIBU
Background: I was single until my late 30s, was very close to my sister, her husband and kids, I called up, brought the kids out to give her a break (and also as I loved spending time with them), babysat, took annual leave when they were sick to help out.
When I met and married a man who had kids and we went onto a child of our own, she never once offered a single hour of practical support to me. I was hurt by that, but more so by her lack of interest in my kids. She makes a token visit once or twice a year, always to me, never asks us up, my child doesn't know what her house looks like. I asked her kids down for days and sleepovers, she came down once and left them for 3 hours. The relationship I valued so much as an aunt to her kids didn't seem to be valued by my sister or her husband and I really really missed them.
In the first few years of my married life. I asked her to holiday with us, she was under financial pressure and we were not holidaying abroad at that stage, sent her Air bnbs etc, it didn't materialise.
We went from being very close and involved to once I became a mum, very limited contact. She gets on well with my husband who is very easygoing and not the problem!
She has for the last few years holidayed abroad with my brother. I would have no problem with this if she showed interest in catching up otherwise but it is very hurtful that she wants to spend a few weeks every year with his family, while seeing so little of mine. The trip is never mentioned until months after it is booked. If she even acknowledged it and said Look love you but just prefer to holiday with X, Id have no problem. It is the silence that is the killer.
My kids ask why we arent invited, my friends and some of her friends have asked me why we dont go with them and I know my parents feel for me & the kids especially as one of them innocently asked why we never go with them in front of my Mum and Dad - but I keep them out of it, and brush it off.
I wont ever say anything to my sister, you can't make someone want to be a part of your kids lives. I know there will always be an emotional distance between us now, but wonder if anyone else has faced something similar with a sibling and has advice?
Re my brother, I don't expect him to ask me, we are not close so he doesn't factor in. I just want to have the positive outlook on it that I can take to manage the hurt and also the hurt of my kids who genuinely love their cousins. I guess at the heart of it, I couldn't imagine telling some of my nieces and nephews I would holiday with some of the others and not think about asking them!
I remind myself that I am very close to another sibling that I have great friends and while it took me a while to get to know them, have really lovely and kind in-laws who are so inclusive. We are regularly asked away with friends. I love all the kids involved very much and keep the focus on them. This situation won't change so I need to manage it, as it does hurt every year. AIBU to feel hurt?