To ask how you got your young children to play by themselves?

[SkatusBoardus]

1st child aged 9 - always very good at playing by himself. Quite self sufficient in play (maybe unusually so?) but never did any of the small world of imaginative play, at all. Played by himself for 15-20 min stretches in his preschool year. Asked for help if he needed it e.g. with tricky Lego problem or something fiddly but knew what he wanted to play with and generally got on with it. Happy days.

2nd child aged 4 - totally incapable of independent play at home. No issues at school or nursery so far as I know but of course there's always other kids around to play with I guess. At home, just whinges, sulks or lies on the floor pretending to be asleep if I say he needs to play by himself for a bit. Has free access to plenty of toys including older brothers bits & pieces too but struggles to find anything to occupy himself unless I set it all up, get down on the floor & play along with him. Being in the same room is not enough, I have to e.g. build the Lego model along with him, or do the jigsaw with him etc. tantrums if older brother has had enough of playing with him and wants to do something else on his own. Loves acting out stories or programmes e.g. today we have been playing Swashbuckle re-enacting the cbeebies show but there's only so much imaginative play I can stomach!

He's lost about 90 mins of play today just lying on the floor in a sulk because I said I wasn't able to play at various times (cooking, housework, just sitting with a cuppa etc)

How do I help him to learn to play independently a bit?
Sounds a ridiculous problem but I honestly don't know how to go about it!

Yes I had one who just wanted my attention all the time. No solutions I’m afraid. On the plus side we’re still really close and she’s an adult,

Get the child to help you with chores. If he doesn’t want to play alone, he can help sort laundry and sweep the kitchen floor and do jobs alongside you. You might have to invent simple jobs but it can work.

Watching with interest!

Mine is slightly younger (3+1/4) but always only wants to play one to one. It's very hard when I need to shower, do housework, cook, etc. So I end up putting the tv on. I worry he gets so much screen time because of this, but sometimes I just need it!

My 7 year old is like this. I was too as a child. Just can’t do it. It’s not particularly an issue, I just didn’t play very much. Neither does he. He will read and read and read and read. As did I when I was young.
Would a good book entertain?

I've fallen into this trap and it really hasn't helped because as well as whining "play with me" over & over now he also whines for TV! And says he can't think of anything to play with except "watching something?" said in a really whingy time of voice.
I'm cutting back hard on the TV now, it's only going on while I'm cooking dinner in the evening/afters school.

He can't really read yet, he's only in reception. And doesn't particularly like reading (again, very unlike older brother!) But am hopeful that once he's reading independently he'll get the bug.

Every child is different..some play independently others don't..nothing you doing right or wrong as a parent...I'd get the one not independently playing to help you around the house ...

I mean - I don’t think this is something you can ‘train’ is it? My eldest always needed an audience - they’ve always been into drama/shows so needed ‘participating people’ whereas my youngest was independent since they could walk - happy to spend hours on Lego or reading by themselves.

So, sounds like your eldest is an introvert - he doesn't need other people to be able to enjoy/divert himself. And your youngest is an extrovert - he needs input from other humans for his play.

Neither is wrong, or worse. You just find one more inconvenient.

Agree with pp, this is just how your kids are wired and there isn't really much you can do to change them. Agree trying to get them to help out with the chores you need to do - I know it will take twice as long, but at least it will get done eventually!

They are who they are. I have twins – one happily plays by herself for hours, the other needs constant interaction. Nothing you can do really.

It's personalities @SkatusBoardus that's all!

I have a 5 year old who really struggles with independent play. He's like your ds, loves role pl and snsll world, making set ups and acting out stories and I guess that's more interactive than drawing or building?

One thing we have success with is Playmobil - it's been a bit of a process but he will now be content if someone is kind of just "with him" or pops in and out while he happily spends AGES swapping the hats, accessories, weapons between different characters, transfering all the pirate treasures painstakingly between different chests and setting them all up. Then he'll ask us to actually play with him but he often goes back to "tinkering" with it all after not very long, so I get a bit of a rest 🤣

This and all the similar replies.

They are wired the way they are.
Some dc happily settle to play. Others don't.
Offering them choice of "helping" you means they are getting your attentions and getting to be with you if that's what they are after.
If they don't, then they've still had a choice.

I think it might have been an Instagram story but I saw something a long the lines of: stop trying to distract your kids for you to do life for they want to be involved (I’ve worded it really badly) but if you’re cooking dinner get them involved.

They want to build a Lego tower? Grand, they can crack on. They want to hang out? Peel the potatoes.

Some children are simply very socially driven.

My eldest is. He wants to do something with others - a board game etc. My youngest will colour or draw, or do crafts independently.

You do have to persevere a bit - boredom breeds creativity, and ignore the whinging a bit. I used to set a timer with an age appropriate time and give choices, eg say "right so you can do the lego, or the magnatiles or something else of your choice, by yourself for x mins. Then i'll come and play go fish."

The single biggest thing that helped with my eldest was his sister getting old enough to play with him. Now they just play together. Its brilliant.

Turn off all.electronics.

Then ignore them.

Thats the only way mine play.

Other thing I do is give them chores to do that I know they wouldn't want to do. Then they run off and keep themselves busy. But it takes time. They need to learn how to occupy themselves. So it might not work the first time. But keep going.