To think that friends are people you choose, and family isn’t, so you shouldn’t feel guilty about cutting toxic people out of your life, even if they’re family?

[SharpTealFox]

I’ve always believed that we have the right to remove people who bring negativity or harm into our lives, regardless of whether they’re family or not. Sure, there’s a sense of obligation with family, but if they’re toxic, is it really worth holding onto that relationship?

You should be able to cut anyone toxic from your life

Agreed Op

Agreed 👍

I think that has always been the case. Estrangement in families is as old as time now with our constant means of communication people are fully aware they are actually estranged in a way that perhaps people in the past were not aware. Grey rocking has always been a thing too. In big families a decent amount of grey rocking and estrangement is how you put up with enmeshed codependents and the narcissistic folk where they exist and those folk are as old as time too.

With you all the way OP. The only reason I have anything to do with my sibling is because of nieces and mother (and I’d probably be much lower contact with her too if I could)

Totally agree. And there is no sense of obligation with family - they are just people, like anyone else.
One's obligation is to the people who are important in life - could be friends or family, but it's the quality of the relationship that matter, not simple biology.

The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb 🙌

YANBU op, and anyone who disagrees has never had a toxic family member to deal with.

My mum always found the worst in any situation and could suck the joy out of every positive thing in my life. I went NC and was ostracized by most of her family who had never seen this side of her - I was her daughter, how could I possibly reject her. Until she started to slip with them and they began to see chinks of what I'd been putting up with.

We did make an uneasy truce in the end but my boundaries were tough to maintain.

The least I do is basically do not engage them, especially because we still have family gatherings every now and then with our wider family. But the ones I consider toxic I just don't put my energy into them whatsoever. I don't talk to them, don't engage with on social media, nada. Your peace of mind matters and those who care about you will respect that. x

I don't feel in the least bit guilty at cutting out my sister from my life.

Her drama continues and she drags my parents into it regularly who in turn try and drag me in. But I switch off, and remind them she is nothing to do with me.

My life is better for not having her in it!

I’m NC with my siblings. It causes me lots of sadness . I have stressful dreams about them repeating their behaviours.

It is not a decision anybody takes lightly.
They were toxic. If if feeling brave I might post about it one day.

My life improved immeasurably when I went NC with a sibling. I encounter them now only at weddings and funerals, where I will be distant but polite, won’t get dragged into any of their crap.

Life is too short to be dealing with serious toxicity and I’m not living in Eastenders where it’s all about faaaaaaaamily.

I think the idea that's perpetuated that you must keep people in your life who don't treat you very well or who you don't even like, just because a random combination of people shagged or joined families, completely weird. I'm supposed to keep in contact with my horrible cousin and put up with her nasty comments because... my grandparents had sex multiple times and produced my aunt as well as my father, who then went on to marry someone and produce my cousin? Very weird concept when you think about it.

I really like that quote😁

Same! It’s the real original saying as far as I know, and was twisted to the opposite meaning (probably by some narc toxic family members throughout history 😂)

Crappy people are everywhere, and almost all of them are somebody's family. No, you don't have to let anyone else mistreat you - whoever they are.