to think 3 nights a week is too much?

[exasperatedflatmate]

It's a flatshare one.
Flatmate has a newish man (along with a number of friends with benefits) and he has started staying over 3 nights a week, and using the flat as a workspace. AIBU to think this is too much and is taking the p+++? He lives out of town so flatmate doesnt stay at his.
When I asked whether it was tricky that he had work in London but didnt live here he said 'I can always crash at places like this'. Hmmmm..

Flatmate also has a couple of other boys on the go who occasionally stay over too.

It's not the staying over which is bothering me per se. It's more the treating our space as a We Work space, and the fact I didn't sign up to have a third flatmate!

What is 'normal' in these situations and what is unreasonable?

I don't think it would be unreasonable to say that you don't want them using it as a workspace, they can go and find a coffee shop etc to work from.

As to the staying over, I think that you need to decide what is reasonable between you. eg is it ok every night? Do you have certain nights when no-one stays? I would find it hard to have a different man in the kitchen every morning in my own flat, but that is really something you have to decide between you.
It feels like she has people stay over A LOT

I think it's fine if he uses her room to work from but not the communal living space, that feels cheeky.

ETA I don't think you can really dictate how many nights a week your flat mate has visitors (or at least that isn't the type of environment I would want to live in). It's her room, she can use it how she wishes but I think she needs to make sure her visitors don't encroach on your enjoyment of the communal space.

“I can always crash at places like this.”

He’s probably got a couple of other women on the go to, free places to stay and to work from, he’s got it made, hasn’t he! (I know your flatmate has other guys she’s seeing too, but it’s just a bit gross to me for him to out it like that. Just a bed for the night, tick, a shag, tick, free place to shower and work, tick).

YANBU and you need to be blunt with your flatmate: you didn't sign up for having a third party stranger using your flat as his office. It stops now.

No this is bullshit from your flatmate. She can shag whoever and whenever as that's her business but if your shared space and peace is being invaded, your bills going up and you're waiting for your turn in the bathroom it is very much your business. I would say can we both agree two overnights a week max and they leave with you.

I would be saying he can’t stay in the house unless she is with him and
no to the communal work space and a max of 2/3 overnights a week

Thank you all. I feel very much that a couple of nights is fine. But he ought to go and work elsewhere. I often work in cafes and it's fine!

He sounds like a cf. Hard no to him being there when she is out. And I’d say 2 nights MAX for overnight guests and I wouldn’t even be happy with that tbh. It’s an extra person in your space, using heating, water, electricity, and you’re playing gooseberry.

Your flatmate is taking the piss having other random men staying over too and there’s a clear security risk if these are guys she’s just picking up. I’d be looking for a new flat share.

I think you’re going to need to raise this with her and say you don’t think it’s appropriate and they should get a place together (ha, fat chance with her other fwbs!) I’d be very unhappy with this, having signed up to live with one other person. Is he contributing to the internet/electricity/gas/water bills/council tax? Bet he isn’t!

If he stays over 3 nights a week he is living at yours for almost 2 weeks a month.... almost half a month! Absolutely no way. When I lived in London, I paid £900 BEFORE bills pcm for a room. You can't just freeload off people. If someone had their boyfriend over on weekends but alternated by them going to the bf's every other weekend, for example, it is a bit more reasonable but that's not happening here. If he is staying over 3 nights every week he has to contribute financially, whether it's buying groceries, or paying actual money towards bills/rent. As for the working there during the day... what an absolute cocklodger in the making. He can get stuffed. I had a similar situation with a friend/flatmate who went into a rage when I told her how I felt. One day I came home and she had moved all of her stuff out without telling me and blocked me, leaving me with loads of bills etc. People are CF.