Really struggling with potty training, help!

[shoelady2]

Dd turned 3 at the beginning of April. We have had two attempts at potty training - one when she was about 2.5 and one just after her third birthday - which we had to abandon as she was just so distressed by it all. Constant accidents and borderline hysterics. She would occasionally sit on the toilet but never did anything.

We tried all the usual stuff - reward charts, nice pants, training pants with characters on. She just won’t have it. Nursery have also tried incentives to support this and she’s the same there. She’s generally very good at communicating and understanding, no developmental delays but this is one thing she just refuses to do.

Im now getting conscious of her age and the fact she’s one of the only kids in her peer group not trained. Accidents and mess I can deal with but the sheer upset and distress is awful and I haven’t wanted to force it. Even trying to leave her with nothing on her bottom half for an hour before bed leads to hysterics and screaming for a nappy.

I’ve been waiting for the time when she’s ‘ready’ but I’m not sure if or when this will happen. Does anyone have any tips?

I live in Germany and here it's totally normal for 3-4 year olds to not yet be out of nappies because there's a culture of waiting for the child to take the lead. I think since your daughter already has negative experiences associated with potty training, this might be your only option

Sorry to hear your struggling I was lucky with my daughter but with my son was a different situation.
I would suggest with it being warm is to take the nappy off outside have a few potty around and ask every 5 minutes or so do u need a wee etc and when they sit on the potty reward them x

The more you worry and stress they will pick up on it too x make it a game maybe when you go toilet they go to their toilet ? X

What is it that makes her upset? The accident or the not having a nappy on before there’s even an accident?

All I would say is try every few weeks, in as low key and casual way possible and sooner or later she will just get it.

And remember that it happens in its own time, I was tearing my hair out recently with my 5.5 year old DS because he was still in nappies overnight or it was a wet bed every single night. So I bought a pack of nappies and every time the packet was done, I removed them and gave it a week. And one of those weeks he was just suddenly dry! Now he’s not had an accident since and that was 2 months ago.

Anything you can use as an incentive such as a potty she likes, those steps you can get up to the toilet if she wants to use those may also encourage her to at least sit there for some time and once she realises she doesn’t need a nappy to go into it should be easier.

I definitely wouldn't do the only bare bottom time just before bed when she's tired already. Get up for the day, take off the nighttime nappy and say that from today wees and poos go in the potty/toilet. Stay right with her - as soon as she gets agitated say that a wee wee might want to come out and to stop it going on the floor we need to sit on the potty. And then let her think. With a younger child I'd plop them on as soon as they started weeing and say "wees go in the potty" but as she's older I'd let her make the link herself between starting to wee and needing to get to the potty or she'll fight you on it. But nappies in the day are done, no more back and forth.

Nothing to add but DS was also 3 at the start of April and we’ve had 2 failed attempts!

Thanks for the advice. She is upset at not having a nappy on as she knows that means wees on the toilet/potty so she cries for one. The last time I also noticed she was withholding and didn’t poo for two days until she had a nappy back on.

What about keeping nappy on and getting her to sit on potty and rewarding her ?

i also live in Germany and none of my kindergarten class who are 3-4 are in nappies!! Germanys parenting is actual more traditional and leaving them until they’re ready is a myth. My son trained at 22 months in 3 days. I think OP has left it abit late and now her daughter is so used to the nappy that she’s got a little bit of a fear of the potty.

OP I wouldn’t usually recommend waiting as I believe in early potty training but in this case I would probably take a short break but leave the potty out in the bathroom. Maybe pretend to put her teddies on the toilet for the next few weeks and let her come around to the idea slowly. Make it really fun but don’t attempt to put her on for around 2 weeks and then offer it to her again. Good luck.

I used to bribe mine with chocolate buttons 🤷‍♀️ worked a treat