Hello all. My first ever post! :) I would be extremely grateful if you could share your experience and perspective regarding the challenging situation I am currently facing. I will do my best to be concise.
I am the primary carer for my nearly four-year-old child, who lives with me full-time. My ex-partner and I have co-parented since our separation, agreeing from the outset that they would have access every other weekend. Initially, my ex was renting small properties that they felt were unsuitable for overnight stays, so they would spend time with our child during the day but return them to me at night. This arrangement worked well, and I always encouraged them to spend as much time together as possible, even beyond the agreed-upon schedule.
Around nine months ago, my ex moved into a one-bedroom flat, hoping to find a more suitable living situation to accommodate our child for overnight stays. At first, there were no issues. I would occasionally visit with our child, sharing meals if invited, primarily because our child longed for both parents to be together. Even though this was not an ideal setup, I felt it was the least I could do to support our child’s emotional well-being.
However, my ex and I agreed to cease contact in person to avoid disagreements in front of our child. Subsequently, my ex requested to begin having our child stay overnight on the agreed-upon weekends, mirroring the arrangement I had implemented in my own home when our child was born, I conducted a thorough safety assessment—securing sharp edges, installing child locks on windows, and ensuring all safety precautions were in place.
In my ex’s flat, they purchased some aftermarket products to improve safety. However, one significant issue remains: there is a balcony on the second floor, with a hard concrete floor below that poses a severe risk in the event of a fall. The built-in key-operated lock on the balcony door is broken, and I believe it needs to be properly repaired or replaced. At the very least, a secure, screw-fixed, key-operated lock should be installed by a qualified professional. Our child is at an age where they are curious and capable of opening things, and the risk of them opening the balcony door is very real.
My ex has refused to contact the landlord to report this broken lock, even though I have explained that this is likely an oversight from the initial tenancy and that she has a legal obligation to report it. Not only does this pose a security risk for burglary, but it also presents an immediate danger to our child. Given that my ex lives alone, there are inevitably times when they are in another room, making it impossible to supervise the door at all times.
I find it particularly frustrating because the landlord has already demonstrated a willingness to address maintenance issues in the flat. For instance, when there was an unpleasant odour due to an issue with the hot water tank, the landlord authorised a complete replacement of the unit. Similarly, when the fridge freezer stopped working properly, the landlord promptly replaced it. Given that the landlord has been responsive in these other instances, I cannot understand why my ex would refuse to report this clearly significant safety concern.
Instead of properly addressing the issue, my ex has purchased a £9.99 aftermarket plastic device to secure the balcony door. However, this device relies on adhesive strips and comes with disclaimers that it should not be relied upon for child safety without adult supervision. Multiple online reviews note that this device often fails within hours or days, or that children can easily figure out how to open it. In fact, some reviewers mention that children even younger than ours were able to remove it within minutes.
All I am asking is whether I have grounds to insist that the broken lock be properly repaired or replaced. Unfortunately, this has become a standoff: my ex now says they will not discuss it further and intends to resume overnight contact at their flat. They argue that it is their parental right to spend time with our child—which I fully support and have always encouraged, often being the one to initiate these visits myself. My phone records clearly document this.
I want to be very clear that I am not insisting on these safety measures to deprive my ex of their time with our child. In fact, I am desperate to have a little bit of respite and time for myself, as I am a full-on parent, living my life entirely for our child. Most evenings, I am so physically exhausted that I flake out shortly after our child goes to sleep around seven or eight o’clock. I have no time for myself, but I don’t mind this because I truly love my life as it is. I just believe it’s fair that I have a day off from time to time—so although my ex is claiming that I am using the issue with the plastic devices as an excuse to stop them having overnight contact, that is simply not the case.
I have consistently said that until the lock is safely repaired, they should not take our child to the flat. This dispute has been ongoing for six months. Initially, my ex acknowledged that the lock was unsafe and agreed not to take our child there until it was resolved. The only issue now is that they believe the stick-on device is sufficient, whereas I firmly believe it is not.
Recently, my ex has threatened to involve a solicitor and social services, claiming that I am withholding access. To pre-empt this, I anonymously called social services last Friday to explain the situation. They advised that it was not a safeguarding concern they would actively pursue, but I am unsure whether this was a genuine assessment or simply an attempt to pass the matter back to the parents.
From the outset, I have made it very clear—via email—that these stick-on devices are not appropriate for securing a balcony door and that a proper, screw-fixed lock must be installed. My ex did not even clean the glass properly with an alcohol-based solvent before applying the device, which further compromises its effectiveness.
This ongoing dispute has become a significant source of stress. I have explained to my ex that as a full-time parent, I simply do not have the time to engage in endless emails and arguments. Every moment I spend fighting this battle is time I cannot spend caring for our child, which is unfair to them.
I do not know where to turn or who might be able to help me ensure our child’s safety. Any advice or support would be deeply appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this—I truly cannot express how much your guidance would mean to me.