Single mum working 40hrs any advice ?

[tea125]

Hello I am a single mum with a just turned 3 year old. I am a one man army who works 40 hours and does extra stuff on the weekend to elevate my career for me and LO. my child goes to pre school in the day but after they are finished I have to work with them.

When my LO was 1 and I went back to work I could cope as it felt more temporary. But now it feels like an ongoing cycle of school run, raising a toddler, household cores, work ect. The thought of waking up in the morning and doing the day feels overwhelming, I don’t get to relax until I close my eyes. I can’t ask family for a break as I use them as extra child care when working.

I feel maxed out overwhelmed it’s like everyone friends/family want a piece of me that I haven’t got to give. I’ve started having panic attacks at least once a week. I know my life could be far worse but I don’t feel good or happy I just want this ongoing cycle to end. Even positive occasions I should be excited about feel overwhelming and an hassle to do

I don’t know if this is just life or if I should be concerned. Would be great to get advice, feeling quite low at the moment

also I can’t afford to not work

The main problem is that single or lone parents are expected to keep up like a two parent family. Society in general does not make any exceptions.
I was a lone parent for 12 years.
Strong boundaries and self care are an absolute must.
Do not be afraid of saying No, l don't have time.
I tried to keep up appearances and please everyone in the beginning, l soon learnt from it.
I used to say to myself l can do my best, but l can't do it all. Prioritise what absolutely does need doing and kind of turn a blind eye to everything else, your health and well being will thank you for it.
Superwoman never won any medals.
I know it's really hard but try to carve out a little time for you.
I planted a beautiful garden over the years that brings me a lot of joy and contentment. Even if l could only spend a few minutes on it a week.
You have to be really kind to yourself and know that your doing the work of two on one wage.
It will and does get easier.
My children are young adults now and thriving, one good parent is enough.

Could you afford to increase the hours at pre school using government free hours etc so you could use family to give you a bit of a break rather than exhaust their goodwill just covering working hours?

I know it’s very expensive but I am a single mum of a 5 year old and a 1 year old and I have my 5 year old breakfast and after school clubs every day and my daughter in full time nursery. Both go in from 07:30 - 6. It’s full on for them to do such long hours but it’s literally the only way I can do my job full time!

Ditto the above posts from @Lmnop22 and @Runlikesomeoneleftgateopen I would add that another thing you could do is find in your community other trustworthy single parents with children of a similar age and form a "group playgroup." With 3-year-olds, you will not be able to host many at once, but maybe 2 or 3, and you take turns on the weekend hosting each other's children, giving the other parents a break for 2 or 3 hours. It is a free way to carve out time for yourself for self-care that serves that purpose, but also provides a socializing effect for your children, and helps them build new friendships that eventually might translate beyond toddlerhood.

Of course, as your child gets older, you can continue this concept with sports leagues, carpooling while your kids are at practice, etc.

Write a journal with your thoughts on your phone every day. I find it helpful as you don’t really have anyone to talk to as a single parent.
Batch cook to save time. As your 3 year old gets older get them involved in cooking so it’s something you can do together and have as a joint thing.
I agree with previous posters that there is no extra allowance given to single parents.
My uni friends write things in the group chat like they are exhausted that their husbands are working away for one night. No understanding that single parents so it day in day out.
I have teens now and they have turned out amazing. I am very proud of them and myself but I understand how hard it is. I also agree about trying to build up a network of single parent friends so you can lean on each other.