Pulling back from in-laws

[Max222]

Have been married 23 years, FIL is a nasty bully.
MIL is ok but can be a bit of a stirrer with my DH and his Brother.

BiL is a full narcissist and his wife enables him.

Over the years we have always hosted, birthdays, Christmas etc. Last Christmas BIL was particularly rude and I've just had enough.

My relationship with DH isn't great and I'm sick of hosting them and putting a smile on my face.

AIBU to pull back from socialising with them? I don't particularly want them at my house and I don't like going to in-laws because (although they are stinking rich) their house is filthy.

Now my children are older they can make arrangements to see grandparents. Half of me feels sorry as they are both elderly now and I should be helping them out. But the way I have been treated and spoken about by them makes me not want to be around them.

Feeling a bit torn

Please don’t feel guilty about stepping back from helping a bully. You owe the ILs nothing, even if they were lovely, it’s not your responsibility and anything you do should be because you are happy to do so.

Focus on your relationship with your DH. Is that worth fixing? Can you two be happy again, and what would his reaction be to your stepping back?

It may be worth finding a counsellor to sort through your own thoughts; perhaps bringing DH into that if you feel you want to.

I have done similar. I don't regret it. It does make life a bit harder for my husband I suspect, but I find them all so annoying. It's quite freeing!

Same. After putting up with my in laws for 20 plus years, with very little help (but gave criticism), I’ve pulled back over last couple of years. I think they realise, but haven’t said anything. It’s sad, but I just don’t have the time or energy to maintain a relationship with them.

Half of me feels sorry as they are both elderly now and I should be helping them out
why? Surely that should be in your DH?

You have no obligation to help in-laws who have always been unpleasant to you just because they are getting older. You've hosted them for years and are fed up. I don't blame you.

If anyone has responsibility for helping you in-laws, it's your DH, not you. Pull right back and let him deal with his family.

Yes it should and he does. I do feel sorry for MIL stuck with that bully. But I just can't bring myself to spend time with them.

DH, BIL &SIL went out the other night with their cousin and his wife. Normally I would begrudgingly join them. But I didn't go, just told DH I didn't fancy it, was such a good feeling!

Do it op!! 23 year's around rude people and no medal at the end.

It's weird that we have these expectations on ourselves and from society that we fall in love with someone and then have to just accept nasty behaviour.

No we don't.