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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sister issues.

28 replies

Lucytheluckyone · 27/05/2025 11:54

My sister is four years younger than me, we were never really close but we did get on, she used to be lovely, kind and friendly. Our relationship started to deteriorate not long after the birth of her little boy (who is a similar age to mine) mainly because of her husband. He is a horrible man with a god like complex. He appears to control her - he moved her to a very isolated area and unfortunately due to the fact she has no friends there or doesn’t work, all of her opinions are now his, which has sadly made her incredibly unlikeable. On top of that he definitely doesn’t like me, probably because I speak my mind and would tell her what I thought of him (which I never have, might I add). My sister has become consumed by politics and hates the world, she is incredibly sensitive to everything and seems miserable. She turns every conversation into a debate about world goings on and it’s exhausting.

To put it bluntly, I don’t really like her anymore. The issue is - this obviously upsets my mum who wants our little boys to have a relationship. My sister is coming home in September and my mum is desperate to do things with them both, which I understand. Trouble is I don’t want my BIL anywhere near my son (we’ve had issues in the past with the way he treats him) and if I leave him with my mum he will be there. On top of that I wonder if my sister and I should sit down and hash things out, however I’m really reluctant due to the fact I don’t like who she is now and kind of feel at peace with that? Anyone else in the same boat? I sort of feel like I would only be doing this for my mum/wider family (who are close so I don’t want tension).

OP posts:
Lucytheluckyone · 31/05/2025 08:09

IIlolamay · 30/05/2025 19:50

I realised he was like this after about five years of marriage. However, I eventually left the morning after he had me pinned against a wall by the throat. I knew then I needed to get out. Called my sister after he'd gone to work, left with her and never went back. I had a few wobbles when he was being especially nice to me but I always managed to hold off committing to go back and he always let the mask slip.

I’m really glad you managed to get out, sorry you had to go through that x

OP posts:
IIlolamay · 31/05/2025 19:51

It was a long time ago now but I recognise some of the behaviours your sister displays. It's very difficult to know if it's you or if it's him. If he's like my exH then she won't be sure if he is being nice to her, trying to trick her or is just being a complete b***d. I know it's difficult and I told no one in my family. Made excuses for the black eyes and bruises but she will realise eventually and when she does that's when she will need her family.

I hope it all works out for her and your family sooner rather than later.

SpryCat · 23/06/2025 11:02

Your mum trying to persuade you and son to visit, knowing BIL shouts at your son is awful, she wants to force you even though your son becomes a target. Stop trying to please her, she just wants everyone to pretend to be a loving and happy family. If you do go there, drop in for a little while and then leave, take your little one to soft play, so your mum can’t try to have your son stay, to get to know his cousin.

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