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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Someone make me feel like life isn’t over after a settlement agreement. I’m so low.

13 replies

Kaaaaq · 27/05/2025 11:38

Signed a settlement agreement with my employer. I’ve been given payment in lieu of notice and a months gross pay and 20 days of holiday pay. I had been at the company a few years. I do have another job lined up for august but I just feel low. I can’t believe this has happened really. (New manager and he essentially did not take to me at all, I was pushed out). I probably could have got more money but I just wanted to leave in the end.

My mind is racing about people talking about me. I wonder if people think I’ve been fired. I feel shit this has happened. I’m worried about staring again somewhere new even though I was desperate to leave in the end.

Im rambling. Just hoping for some support.

OP posts:

HermioneWeasley · 27/05/2025 11:40

Honestly, you’re not as interesting to other people as you think you are (that’s intended to be helpful). Enjoy some time off, reset and start again.

Wirdle · 27/05/2025 11:40

Honestly people only care about themselves, you are thinking about this far more than any old colleagues.

You're obviously good at what you do to have another job lined up so quickly, onwards and upwards!

PennywisePoundFoolish · 27/05/2025 11:44

I'm sorry you're feeling low. You already have a new job lined up which speaks volumes. It's understandable the situation leading up to this has left you feeling vulnerable.

Your former colleagues will probably just be wondering if they're next on the hit list, rather than thinking badly of you.

I hope you can use the time between now and August to recover

Original poster

Kaaaaq · 27/05/2025 11:50

@HermioneWeasley @PennywisePoundFoolish @Wirdle thank you everyone. I think I’m mostly worried it will get back to my new employer as people will wonder why I’ve suddenly gone. It feels unfair as I know I wasn’t to blame a the settlement agreement speaks to that but I can’t share it due to confidentiality. I’ve never been in this situation before, I am surprised how sad it’s made me!

OP posts:

Lmnop22 · 27/05/2025 11:52

Change is always hard, especially when it’s not your choice to make the change.

But just keep remembering how much you wanted to leave by the end, how much being happy at work is absolutely essential for your mental wellbeing and focus on the challenges, new friendships, new opportunities and fresh start your new job will provide!

Someone once said to me, “what someone else thinks of me is none of my business” and I think about that a lot in these situations. I was recently left by my fiancé for someone else in our workplace and was unwittingly the focus of gossip for a while but it’s never as bad as you think it is and those you’re close enough to to care about know the truth.

Good luck!

Echobelly · 27/05/2025 11:56

Honestly, people come back from outright firing for incompetence or misconduct, and while I know this feels shitty, there's no reason anyone should raise eyebrows at it and it's great you have something lined up.

I hope you can make the best of the next two months and be in great shape to start your new role. I agree with others that no one will be thinking about why your last role ended, please try not to worry about it.

PennywisePoundFoolish · 27/05/2025 11:57

People leave jobs all the time. You'd been there a few years and it's perfectly reasonable that you decided to move on. Easy for me to say, but there's no reason to think gossip is getting back to your new employer, or if it did, they'd pay any attention to it.

It's totally understandable you feel that way; I'm assuming you've endured months of being made to feel at fault. But rationally, from the outside, it's just someone moving on in their career, and worked it so they get a couple of months off.

3luckystars · 27/05/2025 11:59

You said yourself you just wanted to go, so that tells me it must have been really hard to work in that environment. Of course you are upset today but if the boss is the issue, there might be more to follow you.

I did not know until recently how common these are.

Try to put it behind you and look forward to your new job x

peeweemermaid · 27/05/2025 12:02

Its a perfectly normal reaction to the end of a crappy period. Take a break, rest and recuperate and think of all the lovely things you can do for the next two months fully paid. Clearly, for you, the old environment/role did not work so see it as a mutually beneficial arrangement and walk away. I know thats easier to say than do, but You'll be fine and look back on this period with a smile.

FastFood · 27/05/2025 12:03

Kaaaaq · 27/05/2025 11:50

It won't.
My sister's probation period was extended, she felt like a failure and decided to quit, found another job in a company where she's absolutely thriving and is highly appreciated.
Morale of the story is that sometimes it's just not the right company or the right management.

Don't overthink it, you've got a new role lined up, that's amazing and speaks volume, you deserve to enjoy the time off now!

Backtoreality1 · 27/05/2025 12:13

I know exactly how you feel. I have been through this twice in the last four years - both due to a change in management and restructure, but it leaves you feeling utterly devastated. The second time especially was incredibly painful. Did you negotiate your reference before leaving? If so, then nothing can get back to your new employer without your consent so really don't worry about that. I am still in the same sector, but looking to move out of this now, but I have had to spend a lot of time rebuilding my confidence. I am fortunate in that I know a lot of people in my sector who have helped to support me through this. Enjoy your time until the new position starts and try not to overthink this. Life can be sh1t sometimes but you have the opportunity to grow from it.

Trumptonagain · 27/05/2025 12:18

Do they all get on with this new manager?

If not chances are they'll envy you've got out with a pay out and new job to go to.

Manager's like this will soon find their next victim.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 27/05/2025 13:02

I'd give ACAS a quick call and ask their advice . Failing that maybe your household insurance has a legal helpline included.

How did your old employer describe your departure.. If its a settlement I don't think that's a firing.. It sounds more like they paid you off and made you sign an NDA so you couldn't say anything bad about them.
(I'm assuming they made you sign an NDA from your post) If I was your new employer I'd assume that is them paying you off so readily so you don't take them to a tribunal... which sounds like they were more at fault than you.

Can you contact the old employer's HR for a written ref?
They can confirm your length of service, and your role and I believe legally They can't say anything bad in that. If going to HR and it's a big company wide department, and is above your mean manager's role, would it be worth a phonecall just saying verbally you want to make it clear you left as a career change and not fired...

The good news is that you have funds to last you until your new job starts... and literally that is such a bonus.. you are able to shake the dust of the old place from your sandals as you move on to somewhere better. You simply cannot flourish in stoney ground which is what your old place sounds like. Now you are moving to a place where you can have a fresh start.. and you have time to reset and march in with renewed confidence. Take a breather - sort out the reference with ACAS or other advice - and you will feel better.

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