Flakey friends or am I to blame?

[Cookievvs]

Last Friday when half term began. A friend I’ve known since DD aged 10 is going through a hard time and wanted to meet. I rearranged my hairdresser and told DD and DS were meeting them after school both kids were so excited. We were meeting at 4pm and 2pm I sent her a text saying looking forward to seeing you later and Is 4pm still good. She messages back saying she can’t today now. I usually feel disappointed but that day I was really annoyed and said she should have let me know earlier.

5pm she messages saying she feels bad and let’s meet! By this time I was already home and kids were disappointed as my DD considers her her best friend but they always let us down. I even paid for the child and her sibling to attend DD party and they never showed up, not even letting me know.

the thing is how long can I keep excusing her behaviour as she’s having a hard time? She always seems to have some drama going on and I don’t know if I want people like this in my life anymore.

So many times I have sat waiting for her and she doesn’t even let me know her plans have changed. I find this so disrespectful.

Is it time to just let these kind of friendships fizzle away and just meet if it’s convenient for me? Every time I drive nearer to her to make things easier but she still doesn’t make the effort.

I wouldn’t engage with her further, leave the ball in her park.

Yes I'd stop trying to meet up. She won't change.

It is disrespectful. She’s basically saying that her time is more important than yours. I’d only make pretty loose plans with her going forward, on terms that suit you and ensure you’re not inconvenienced if she flakes on you. And lesson learned about cancelling something to see her/spending money on her - just don’t do that again! Sounds harsh, but you need to stand up for yourself and put yourself first here.

The key is 'always some drama', sadly.

I just feel like telling her I won’t meet her again as she keeps messing up my Fridays (the only day I don’t work). i know her response will be she was ready to meet at 5pm but I refused! What can I say to this please?

she’ll contact me again in a couple of weeks as usual to make plans then cancel again most likely

Some people create drama rather than being the victims of it, like expecting you to drop everything when she changes her mind.

Don’t change plans for flakey people. In future, only agree to see her if it’s no hassle to you at all. Don’t go cancelling your hairdresser, or paying in advance for her kids. Last minute plans are best if you actually want to see her at all.

Suggest committing to regular therapy might be a better way of dealing with whatever she’s going through, and that, in future, if she wants to see you, you have a free hours between 4 and 5 at your house, but will be going out then.

I would be upfront and say I’m busy for the next few Fridays, and not break my plans. she wants you waiting around for to be let down. Your worth more than that

Im done with flakes op I just dont make plans now. They either cancel or no reply. I just thought lately friendship should not be this hard. A pattern too not just one off.

5pm she messages saying she feels bad and let’s meet!

'No, we are home now. I cancelled the hairdresser to meet you!'