To tell MIL that as far as we are concerned SIL is dead?

[Kimi]

SIL is a bitch of the highest order, she is never happy unless she is making someone else unhappy, she is a trouble maker, she tells lies about everyone and every thing, for the past 20 years she has been a bitch to me, she is a bully and I wont be bullied by her and she hates the fact I stand up to her, she stole her husband off of someone else by telling him she was pregnant when she was not (having a baby 14 months later) I know the woman is the size of a bull elephant but 14 month . Her husband left her after his 4 afair and she blamed everyone for the brake up of the marriage but her own actions.
When DH1 and I were seperating she had to stick her nose in and add the poison (DH1 and I take no notice of her as we both know she is a sad little woman with no life) but that did not stop her, She hijacked DH1s cousins funeral as a get at me trying to stop me going and the last gem was to tell us that we should have drown our children at birth (DS1 has SN).
Any way after that little gem DH1 and I decided as far as we are concerned she is as good as dead in our eyes and we will have nothing to do with her.

Skip to now MIL is coming to visit a friend (MIL and SIL live other end of country) and SIL will be with her, MIL phoned last night to say about coming to see us, I said this is fine but we will not see SIL.
AIBU?

yanbu, wouldnt exactly word it like that but I wouldnt let her anywhere near my children. BUT get your DH to do it, then it is coming from him and you, and not just you.

not bu to not see sil, but bit ott and ridiculous to go around saying she is dead in your eyes. What do you want out of this? I'm guessing not to have to see sil again, there are easier nd more diplomatic ways of doing it.

sorry have just realised you and dh are separated, should have read that better, just say you would love mil to come without sil

not being unreasonable not to see sil; that should have read

nope yanbu

(ps...DH1? ....)

Message withdrawn

Take the moral high ground, do not say that she is dead so far as you are concerned but that "after saying your SN child should have been drowned at birth you will not be able to have her to visit, but that you (MIL) are very welcome".

YANBU to not want to see her but to say you will act as if someone is dead is being unreasonable, imo. And very pointless.

i agree with WestCountryLass - be specific and clear. no discussion. no emotion.

and DH1 ? big

DH1 ROFL!

Bit melodramtic in the language (- and hurtful to MIL - why put her in the middle?) not in the mafia are you? Take out the emotion - just say you would be deighted to see MIL but not SIL and leave it at that.

Ah, ok separated. Sorry. Still funny though - normally ex-DH.

I THINK YOU ARE NOT DOING YOURSELF ANY FAVOURS USING THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE . I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR NOT WANTING TO SEE HER THOUGH.
MAKE IT CLEAR TO MIL THAT YOU DO NOT WANT HER IN YOUR HOME

I'd agree - YANBU but the language is a bit OTT. Just something like "MIL you are welcome to visit, but after SILs comments about DC she is not welcome in my house" Then allow MIL to decide if she will visit on those terms.

YANBU, as I said on another MIL thread, I no longer have any contact with MIL, FIL or 2 SILs. I do, however have a great relationship with 2 BILs and their wives. No reason why it should be all or nothing. You are perfectly within your rights to choose with whom you have a relationship.

DH1 (still married but not living together, and getting on much better then in years) has also told his mother he will pick her up, we would love to see her but there is no way no how his "sister" is welcome or ever will be again.

Waves at chequers

No. Like before. You are an adult. You can see who you want to see. As can your dh. Mine still sees his vile family, as does my child. They just do it not in my house.

ANBU!!!!!!

what a bitch!!!

DH1 has no more desire to see her then I do, and I will die before I let her near my children.

I have no problem with the rest of DHs family, they are welcome in our homes and to see our children.

MIL said SIL had been/was poorly boo bloody hoo, I don't give a toss tbh I know its evil but she could drop dead in front of me and I would just step over her, No doubt she will try to make a scean when DH and I go to get MIL.