Lady asking for money/food outside shop - AIBU?

[Fandango52]

When I was out food shopping earlier, a lady stood outside the shop with a pram said she’d escaped domestic violence and asked if I could give her any money for her electricity meter.

Unfortunately I didn’t have any money on me, and I was happy to help and wanted to help, so I asked if I could get her any food. She said some other people had already got food for her, but she asked if I could buy her some cornflakes.

I bought the cornflakes, but when I came out again, I couldn’t see her anywhere, so I went back inside the shop and got a refund for the cornflakes. I then left the shop to go home and noticed her on the other side of the shop, but she didn’t see me.

On the walk home, I was wondering if I should’ve searched more for her? I feel bad, as I was happy to buy her the cornflakes and they were what she’d asked her, but I thought she’d gone when I went out to give them to her.

AIBU to have returned the cornflakes and then gone home when I couldn’t see her?

Was this in Shoreditch? I met a woman twice ( a fortnight apart) on the same street with almost the exact same story

See my post.

i see we met the same woman. Actually gave her cash the first time as felt bad for her 🤦‍♀️ was with different people the second time and they wanted to but I told them she was a scammer!!

I used to live in a suburb of London as a young woman and got into the habit of giving money and having a chat to a homeless man who sat outside our local Tesco Metro. From where he sat he had a clear view up and down the high street, including of me as I walked home and turned the corner into my road. This went on for a few months.

One evening it was quiet and there weren’t many people around. I said hello to him and walked the short distance home, only to find a man waiting around the corner. He mugged me for my handbag and got into a waiting car. I wasn’t hurt, although I did fall over in the tussle, but it was a huge shock.

The police came around and showed me photos of likely individuals, I presume known muggers. Guess who was the first photo? The ‘homeless’ man who was sitting outside Tesco Metro. The first thing that the police officer said was: ‘You haven’t been giving him money have you?’ He shook his head in a fatherly way when I admitted that I had.

I will never know if the two situations were connected but it certainly made me think differently about giving money to street beggars.

My guess is that she didn’t really want cornflakes or she would have waited for you. So no you weren’t unreasonable to give up.
There was a woman near where I used to live who was always hanging around asking for 10 for her electricity meter. I offered to help her get assistance from social services or a voluntary body and she refused. Also refused food , nappies and baby food. Said her children were at home in the dark and cold and she only needed to feed the meter. I think she wanted drug money, apparently you could get a couple of pills for a tenner.

Why would you feel bad? It’s her who left - because she didn’t want cornflakes. Not because she’s bereft of cornflakes and somehow you let her down by not searching for her. It’s lucky you didn’t have cash because it wouldn’t have gone on what she said. Sorry but you sound very nice but naive. Give some money to a homeless charity instead and don’t get sucked in by fibs like this and then be needlessly guilting yourself.

I'm surprised that supermarkets are refunding people for food. What do they do with it as surely they can sell it due to risk of contamination?

I should think they can if it’s in a sealed packet and has only just been bought.

She didn't want cornflakes. She wanted money.

I can't believe people are so gullible. If you want to support victims of domestic violence, donate to a charity like Refuge.

Don’t give money, support charities providing support eg domestic violence shelters

A man used to hang around near our local shops asking for money for a taxi to the hospital because his wife was in labour there. Someone pointed out she must have been in labour for the whole of last year!

from a closed box and inner closed packet?!

anyway, she wouldn’t have cared about the cornflakes, she wanted cash, and not for the electric meter. So she had gone to find another mark.

Homeless charity or food bank. It can feel really mean to walk past someone sitting on the street, especially in bad weather. However, for those in genuine need there is organised support. I give directly to those charities now.

I had a man with a hospital wristband tell me he had just been discharged and needed money for a train fare home.
i gave him a few pounds, saw him there the next day still asking.
that was a few years ago and the last time i gave money like that

And our point is that you shouldn't feel guilty because it's likely she wasn't even destitute and didn't need the cornflakes

It was also to stop you feeling guilty about saying no in the future

But just because they didn't have a collection box in store didn't mean you couldn't donate the box to a food bank, there are usually collection points in various places.

A place I used to work at took on some agency temps. One guy I recognised and couldn't work out where. I wasn't on my own, a few colleagues recognised him too but nobody could quite place him.

A colleague trained him and it emerged that he was bragging about his properties in Thailand and how he and his wife had a very lucrative business there and how he had a flat in a well known in our area block of council flats.

The reason we knew his face was he sold the Big Issue outside a (relatively expensive) branch of chain hairdressers in town. A close friend was a stylist there so I asked him about it and he said "Oh yes he gets enough money from begging and selling the big issue then he comes in and gets his hair cut and coloured by my". My friend was the style director there and to get a cut and colour with him even back then was £££.
When we realised who he was people were disgusted because a lot of them regularly gave this guy extra money thinking he was homeless. He was actually let go for making disgusting comments about women in the office.

I know you don't need to be homeless to sell the Big Issue but to my mind if you have a home and a business then you're taking an income from someone who doesn't have those privileges.
I don't give money to people in the streets any more because of him and I also stopped giving money to charities too once I learned that they only need to give 9% of all monies raised to the actual cause and that the remaining 91% can be soaked up in admin costs 🙄
I do donate regularly to food banks though because there's an outside chance it will get to people who need it (but I've known food banks to be abused by people who genuinely don't need it too!)

This happened to me in Edinburgh, I fell for it the first time. Gave her cash and then she asked again a week later. I politely declined as helped out before, she didn’t blink straight onto next passer by. She was there every week for months. I used to see her regularly in supermarket too. Oh no I’ve lost my wallet can you spare a couple of quid so I can get milk.

OP it’s really likely she’s a professional.

But the fact you were asking about feeling bad because you had said you would give her something and didn’t makes the ‘don’t give to professional beggars’ points more relevant. Why would you feel bad for not giving something to a person who essentially begs for a living?

I couldn’t see her anywhere

Dont feel guilty, she’d have waited for you if she wanted it.