“Boundaries” dramas

[SayonaraZara]

Rita and Sue are going to an event their friends are already attending. Rita is planning to buy a ticket for the first day and Sue was planning similar but now thinks she would prefer the second day due to the acts performing etc.

Sue has asked Rita if she would consider changing her mind as she would love for them to all go together but that she understands if not. Rita has replied “Sorry Sue but I’ve just got be very firm on my boundaries right now. That doesn’t work for me”.

Sue has replied saying it’s no problem but that she will be going to the second day as it the ones that works for her the best. She wanted to run it by Rita first but she gets it and she’s sure there will be opportunities to do things together.

Rita is being off with Sue about her decision despite both of them “asserting their boundaries” and doing what they prefer.

who, if either, is BU?

Hate the word boundaries. They both have their preferences, for one that's the music for the other it's to stick to the initial plan. Can't Miss second day go to both or would that be upsetting her boundaries?

Rita is planning to buy a ticket for the first day and Sue was planning similar but now thinks she would prefer the second day due to the acts performing etc.
Did they plan to go to the first day together initially?

They didn’t explicitly say which day they wanted to go to! Also by “sauce for the goose” I didn’t mean it as a competition. More just I was trying to accommodate what others wanted but if someone else wanted to assert their boundaries then why shouldn’t I do the same.

Rita sounds nuts.

It just sounds a bit too intense already just with the planning, the actual event would probably be fraught with tension!

I mean surely this isn’t a boundaries thing on either side?

“I’m going to get the tickets to the festival tomorrow for the Saturday.”

“Oh yes the festival I can’t wait! But I’ve seen Harry Styles is playing Sunday so I’d rather go that day now. Do you want to come Sunday with me or would you rather stick with Saturday”

”Think I’d prefer to stay with Saturday thanks as I have work on Monday so don’t want to be tired! Have a great time Sunday!”

Surely that’s the conversation on both sides? No boundaries and no sauce for the goose anywhere to be seen. I also don’t really get what you mean about accommodating others? Aren’t you just accommodating yourself by going the day you want? (Nothing wrong with that at all by the way). But neither people are asserting any boundaries. They’re just going to watch bands they like on a day they want.

More just I was trying to accommodate what others wanted but if someone else wanted to assert their boundaries then why shouldn’t I do the same.

I don’t see where you were accommodating others, you prefer the line up for the second day, asked if your friend wanted to join you and she said no. No drama or hard feelings.

Storm in a tea cup

This. If you planned to go on the first day and then changed your mind because of other friends, that is shitty.

I think Rita has been reading too much mumsnet 😆

That's the first thing I thought too , now I'll be singing the song all day ... 🙄🤣

This isn't an issue about boundaries. Rita is not asserting a boundary she just wants to go on a different day, but doesn't seem to want to let Sue make the same decision for herself.
its possible Rita is using the language of therapy to disguise her controlling behaviour.

Neither is being U if they have picked separate days to go to a music festival and mutual friends are attending the full weekend.
It's a shame you couldn't all go together/be together but ime groups splinter according to who is on stage at a given time anyway.
YABU however, OP, if you had previously agreed to go with this mate on the Saturday and are now letting them down, albeit in advance, if they already have their ticket. The set lists are given in advance. It's unusual to say "Yes I want to see X too" then do a U-turn that you'd prefer y, unless you have only recently got into them.

Oh wow this has escalated!

We both agreed we’d do a day but hadn’t agreed on which one. Rita said she wanted to day 1 and I didn’t commit but said actually looking at the line ups, day 2 looks better! Can I persuade you? Anyway it’s not an issue 😂