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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner wants space… does that just mean we’re over?

7 replies

Rubylu · 26/05/2025 17:08

Long story short me and my partner have not been getting on for a few weeks now, lack of intimacy which leads to less intimacy in the bedroom, we both have our faults and can both be abit snappy at times. He likes to game which is fine we all have hobbies but at one point it was 7 nights a week and I was coming to bed on my own, I told him this isn’t ok and he has stopped as much, now 2 nights a week and I go and have some time to myself once LO has gone to bed.

I recently found out I’m pregnant with baby number 2 unexpectedly and it’s not what either of us want right now, we accepted it but haven’t really spoke about it.

Today we had a massive blow up. Over him telling me to shut up (he was stressed doing some flat pack and my toddler was jumping on him) it’s ended up in a massive row and we’ve essentially said we’re done. We’ve cooled down and had a chat and he said he just needs some space so he’s going to his moms until the end of the week but he loves me and he doesn’t want to split up.

I can’t help but feel he just wants to go to his moms to be waited on and play on his Xbox without any backlash, and I’m just here holding down the fort working full time caring for our toddler and running the house.

OP posts:
Hatty65 · 26/05/2025 17:09

Yep, that sounds about right. When he gets back tell him you need a break too, and book yourself into a hotel for as long as he was gone for. He can do the childcare.

RaininSummer · 26/05/2025 17:10

Not getting on well for a few weeks shouldn't mean you break up a relationship with a baby on the way. You need to discuss the way forward.

Spinachpastapicker · 26/05/2025 17:14

Personally I wouldnt continue with a pregnancy if you may well be headed for a split and you say it’s not what you want anyway - every child should be wanted - and being a single parent of one and covering the costs of maternity with a second would be tough. I know MN is very pro-life but you do have choices here.

Rubylu · 26/05/2025 17:22

Spinachpastapicker · 26/05/2025 17:14

Personally I wouldnt continue with a pregnancy if you may well be headed for a split and you say it’s not what you want anyway - every child should be wanted - and being a single parent of one and covering the costs of maternity with a second would be tough. I know MN is very pro-life but you do have choices here.

This is something we have also discussed, we do want another baby at some point so it didn’t feel right not keeping it just because of the timing.

However now with all of this I have said he needs to make his mind up on what he wants because I ultimately can’t afford to pay a mortgage on maternity leave and run a house and I need to take appropriate steps asap.

OP posts:
goldtaps · 26/05/2025 17:42

How old is your little one? You don’t just get to tap out of being a parent to get some space when you have a child. It’s a selfish and childish response. This would be it for me.

Bex5490 · 26/05/2025 19:57

You give lots of reasons to justify his behaviour.

He was stressed so he told you to shut up…

We all have hobbies so he can game 2 nights a week and check out…

You’re pregnant @Rubylu . Emotional and vulnerable, this isn’t the time to run off to mummies. Or if it is, he should be taking your LO and giving you a break.

These aren’t necessary deal breakers and every relationship has struggles but don’t make excuses for him - you are justified in feeling that him prioritising his space over your needs at this time isn’t okay x

Missj25 · 26/05/2025 20:04

RaininSummer · 26/05/2025 17:10

Not getting on well for a few weeks shouldn't mean you break up a relationship with a baby on the way. You need to discuss the way forward.

Agreed ..
Hope ye sort things out OP x

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