To feel unfulfilled

[babybelsandbarbells]

Been with my husband 6 years, married for 2.
Teenage kids from both our previous relationships.
Stable jobs, house and finances and health, a little work related stress but nothing huge.
Just feel like I want more romance wise,
my husband had a vasectomy 2 years ago and since then I came off hormonal contraception and feel horny for the first time in a long time! But feel like I have to beg for it! I see all these men pestering their wives for intimacy and I’m out here the opposite.
Am I alone? Are there other women with higher sex drives than their partner?
I know we’ve been together 6 years, am I unreasonable to be expecting a bit of passion?

Is it more ‘romance’ or more sex you’re after?

A bit of both would be good!

Well I’ve got the romance part, but my sex drive is high, his isn’t and it’s beginning to become a thing for me, if I instigate it , it happens, but I’ve purposely not for two weeks to see what if anything he did and nothing, keeps asking if everything’s ok, want to say no it’s not I want someone who wants sex more, but I cba with it, I’m just going to see how long it is before he does , game playing I know , but surely he’s not that stupid, going to give it until the end of next weekend. Men hey

Have you actually spoken about it? He won't be able to mind read.

Ive had times with the higher sex drive in my marriage. Usually illness exhaustion depression stress can be a likely cause for mis matching sex drives.

Has it always been higher for you or is this a new thing? Has his always been low?

It does take its toll doesn’t it, I worry that if I initiate and he turns me down then I’ll end up feeling worse.
I feel like I’ve hinted before and he’s not picked up on it, so maybe I just need to be more obvious 😂

You’re not unreasonable to want sex and romance. 6 years is not a long time! How frequent was the sex before it died down. I have a higher sex drive than my partner ( we’ve been together 5 years) … sex usually happens 4 times a week ( in a good week). We don’t live together , have our own houses but stay over at least 3 times a week. Not sure if it’s that, we have our fair share of domestic life together. We do “date “ each other though, just got back from a week in the sun together with no dc in tow!

I see you said you're now feeling more desire since coming off contraception. Perhaps he has just gotten used to less sex over the years and now doesn't know how to proceed with the new dynamic? It really all is a guessing game unless you have a conversation with him.

It was on a level with mine for a long time, but it’s been like this for maybe two years, when I’ve brought it up I get a mix of answers that range from tired to feeling rubbish that he’s got more of a belly than he used to.
When we are away on holiday he’s all over me so I think once life distractions are gone then it becomes more natural to him.
honestly I feel like people are going to think this is one of those gender reverse posts but it’s definitely not lol

@babybelsandbarbells tbh when sex was a bit dry I stopped initiating it and then he started to. It made me feel better tbh as being turned down kindly is still upsetting ( at least for me).

Do you romance him-book a babysitter, night out, candlelit drinks, massage etc and see where it goes!

Before we lived together we would have sex multiple times we saw each other, since we moved in together it gradually trailed off. I definitely think he’s not used to my increased desire after coming off contraception, he’s a few years older. I’m 36, he’s 40 so I don’t know if that have an effect

I feel like he will laugh me off if I do this 😂 but maybe that’s more my insecurity than him, maybe I’ll give it a go!

@babybelsandbarbells have you ever spoken to him about how you feel about your sex life? I did as once I got upset at being what I perceived as being rejected. We talked about it out on a walk. It really helped. It’s good he’s all over you when he’s away - he’s attracted to you. Do you think it’s the stresses of life? Or the kids being home that he might not want to ( my partner can be like this at times or other times he initiates a quickie during the day).

I did have a chat and he was reassuring that nothing was wrong as such. I think you’re right that general life stresses plays a part. Frol what he said I think he’s the type of person that if there’s outside factors like a busy day at work or the kids being home then he isn’t in that frame of mind, whereas I would definitely enjoy the distraction if I’d had a busy day lol.