Feeling like a spare part at friends birthday get together night away

[user1495356865]

Not sure if I'm being sensitive or how I feel is valid...

My friend is celebrating a milestone birthday and planned a get together with family and friends for 2 nights away at a luxury hotel.

We've been friends along time amd I was really looking forward to going. Some other friends of hers are coming, whom I know but not very well. One of these friends in particular isn't keen on me and vice versa.
Friend has partnered me up with someone I don't really know to share a room with and I've been shifted about a few times without asking and seeing that I'm OK by it.

I've been getting sly comments and made to feel abit like a spare part throughout the weekend to the point I cut my stay short and came home saying I had a family emergency, truth is i was fighting back tears all weekend, it felt awkward and uncomfortable I couldn't stay any longer.

Now would I be unreasonable to confront my friend on how I was made to feel or feeling ? Should I just leave it? It's over now and I'm back home kind of thing.

Thoughts please?

That doesn’t sound nice at all. I think you may just have to leave it and not mix with that group again. Your friend may apologise?

What kind of comments? All sounds very mean girl and I’d have left too.

The only thing is I would have spoken up about the room arrangements but then I hate sharing a room - especially with a stranger. You were kind not to
make a fuss and this is how they repay you.

One of these friends in particular isn't keen on me and vice versa.

you can't really blame your friend for that, and it's mutual anyway?

I've been getting sly comments and made to feel abit like a spare part
by your friend?
If so, then YANBU to speak with your friend. You have nothing to lose frankly, she doesn't seem like a real friend.

Leave it but don’t go on similar trips in the future especially if you’re sharing with a random and you know that someone there doesn’t like you. Absolute recipe for disaster!

I certainly won't be going out again, in fact we have a trip booked (been booked a while) and I won't going. I won't mix in the dynamics of the friends again. I'll make excuses etc.

I adore my friend but feel she didn't help the situation. We've been friends a long time and it saddens me that this happened on a mile stone birthday that I really went to town on for her things like arranging for drinks and decorations on arrival to hotel and made a play list and speech for our night out.

Feel really low and just needed to come home to my family and be away from the nastiness of it all xx

Well, you chose to attend, knowing someone you don’t like and who doesn’t like you was going to be there, so that’s not on your friend. In this kind of situation I would always book my own separate room. No fun sharing with strangers, even if they’re perfectly nice and considerate. I assume the other friends you don’t really know didn’t necessarily want to share with a stranger?

Who made the ‘sly comments’?

Just snide comments about her being a better friend etc about being left out of photos posted and leaving me out of conversations xx

The only reason I'm not keen on the person I'm talking about is because from the moment we met she was rude to me for no reason...to the point my actual friend did call her out on it and that person in question did reach out via social media and apologised through a private message. I felt that was the end of it and we had gotten off to a bad start. End of. Not the case after the last few days.

No my friend didn't make comments but she also certainly didn't make her usual effort with me I'd say. The dynamics were off.

I wanted to ho to make the effort for my really good friend. I thought all being grown ups it would be OK. Won't make the same mistake again.

Who was making sly comments and what was said?

It's difficult to know whether this is people being actually malicious or whether you just don't quite fit in with this friend group and are reading into innocuous things because you feel sidelined a bit, which happens sometimes and isn't really anyone's fault.

I hate to be the person playing devil's advocate when you're obviously hurt and upset, but are you maybe a tiny bit pissed off that you weren't afforded some special treatment by your friend because you've known her longer and been very close? Maybe I'm just in the same mindset as the rest of her pals but I think making a speech at someone's birthday do is a lot. I'm just wondering if maybe you thought you'd be the Right Hand Lady and you weren't and that's what's left you feeling like a spare part?

Sly comments and stuff were mainly from the person who doesn't like me. I went along for my friend. I didn't expect to be treated like a spare part by them or my friend either. After all we are all adults who wanted to share a special birthday with our mutual friend no need for meanness

@JudgeBread yes, I thought this too and have really given it careful consideration to my own ways in which I may of thought things that were more innocent. It just felt off and the dynamics didn't feel right I can honestly say that was the case.

Some of the comments were things like move then when I was asked to be in a photo and then actually pushing me slightly

Everytime I spoke either speaking over me or something

I wrote a speech like she had for me but I didn't actually do it as it didn't feel right too, I didn't feel comfortable too

I think you should be upfront with your friend and say you won't meet up if X is there since X treats you like shit and noone stands up to her.

Did your friend not notice any of it? I'm sorry, that's horrible.

Sounds like new friend may be jealous of your friendship? I think you did the right thing by stepping away from a situation that made you feel uncomfortable. If you feel ok, then you could mention to your friend how you felt and that, in future, you’re putting a boundary in place for you and won’t be part of plans with the other friend in. Or, if you’re feeling really brave, confront the ‘other friend’ and ask her what her issue is with you?
And maybe try to see that it isn’t your problem - it’s the other friend’s problem. People are complicated, not everyone will like you, and all you can do is continue to be the best version of you.
I am so sorry you were made to feel like that.

I can't imagine sharing with someone I didn't know, that bit is unreasonable in itself. I'd rather pay extra and have my own room.

It can always be a mixed bag when friends of friend get together, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I went to a hen do of a very good friend once and a couple of the women on the groom's side were pretty unpleasant and chavvy. Lucky that I don't have to see them regularly- even my friend and her DH have moved well away from them I notice 😉

I'd say you found the atmosphere uncomfortable as you find X rather snide. I wouldn't blame your friend for 'not protecting you' given you are all grown ups. It's ok not to like or get on with someone and people can have different interpretations of the same situation.

Sounds a bit like you both trying to "out best friend" each other

Were you asked to arrange drinks etc?

Feels a bit like the film Bridesmaids

Just see your friend by herself and excuse yourself from larger gatherings.

Sometimes mixed groups of friends just do not work out. Sorry it was hard.

Sounds like friend of a friend is jealous of your friendship with your friend. You shouldn’t have been treated like that to make you leave early. Terrible behaviour.

Sounds like this girl is jealous of your friendship there's no reason to be rude or leave someone out. Whether she jels with you or not you just don't act that way.
I've been there and it's hurtful but your friend should be putting her in her place, I wouldn't let anyone feel left out just not my nature.

I think you should tell her how it made you feel and that you won't be going away with that person around again. It's then up to her what she does. I wish I spoke up more back then and i definitely do now.