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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Keeping pictures from previous relationships

36 replies

OnePotatoTwoPotatoThree · 26/05/2025 05:15

Just as the title says. I just want to know what the norm/acceptable is in regard's to keeping pictures from previous relationships. He gave me his laptop to view some pictures we took today and a picture with his ex popped up. To be fair he quickly immediately closed it. It wasn’t a casual picture, it was one where they were showing affection on a holiday. This is the second time such picture will come up. It did make me feel some type of way as we were on holiday too. When i brought it up he said he doesn’t want to delete them as they were part of his experience in life and that he wants to be able to look look back at them when he’s old as part of his experience in life.
It honestly doesn't sit well with me, or maybe im just being silly. He’s definitely not getting back with her. I just dont want pictures of him being affectionate or romantic with another girl popping up randomly in my face.
I thought of suggesting he files them in a separate folder away from his main one or archive it somewhere instead, but i dont even think that’s right. Why keep them for God’s sake if the relationship has ended?

OP posts:
UneasyMe · 26/05/2025 05:34

Totally unreasonable to expect him to delete his photos.

If they’re popping up as ‘featured photos’ he can change the settings to not feature her.

PhiladelphiaEagles · 26/05/2025 05:36

I think it’s ok for him to keep them and I can understand that he wants to as they’re part of the life he has lived.

He should put them in a separate folder though and they shouldn’t be popping up for you to see.

daisychain01 · 26/05/2025 05:39

i wouldn't be concerned about images from past relationships, but that depends on how your relationship is in all other ways. If he can't stop talking about his ex, then the images just adds to the big picture that maybe he isn't over her. It also depends how long you've been dating this man.

in general terms there is no need to eradicate every trace of one's former life if the relationship is rock solid. I still have my wedding photos from DH1 who I lost before I met DH2 (I'm sure I've got group photos including a few people I've dated) but they aren't out on display - my DH2 wouldn't even consider telling me to get rid of them, it wouldn't enter his head, but we've always been close so there's confidence there that a few photos wont shake.

LHR2JFK · 26/05/2025 05:41

Why keep them for God’s sake if the relationship has ended?

He told you why. He wants to have them when he is older to look back on as part of life’s experience.

The problem is you think he needs your permission, or to offer a reason that you get to decide is acceptable.

You are being off the wall horrible, and super controlling.
If you think there is something in it, or you can’t cope with it, then do everyone a favour and end the relationship.

Rumplestrumpet · 26/05/2025 05:42

I think filing them away so they don't pop up randomly on the screen is fine. Asking him to delete them is not reasonable.

Original poster
OnePotatoTwoPotatoThree · 26/05/2025 05:45

Thanks very much for all the responses. I never suggested or said to him to delete them. I just said i didn't want to keep seeing them. I also didn't suggest anything about what to do with the pictures going forward. Perhaps i should go with what i was thinking - file them in a folder so that I dont keep accidentally clicking on them.

OP posts:
Danglinglights · 26/05/2025 06:14

I have some old pictures. They are just part of my life. I don’t know if it’s right or wrong but I’m not binning them (these are proper photos in a box as I’m old).

KitsyWitsy · 26/05/2025 06:27

OnePotatoTwoPotatoThree · 26/05/2025 05:45

Thanks very much for all the responses. I never suggested or said to him to delete them. I just said i didn't want to keep seeing them. I also didn't suggest anything about what to do with the pictures going forward. Perhaps i should go with what i was thinking - file them in a folder so that I dont keep accidentally clicking on them.

But you wondered why he wanted to keep them at all? I think that's why people are thinking you're suggesting he should delete them.

How often can these pics pop up? I wouldn't delete any of my pics and I wouldn't expect it of my bf either. Sometimes I see pics of his ex wife on his SM from memories or whatever. He's with me now, so who cares?

Missedthis · 26/05/2025 06:39

Listen to this:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HO-31CVnLes

TL:DL (too long don’t listen😂) : his past loved have made him who he is - be grateful they’ve done a good job, he’s with you now.

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music that you love, upload original content and share it all with friends, family and the world on YouTube.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HO-31CVnLes

Original poster
OnePotatoTwoPotatoThree · 26/05/2025 07:18

KitsyWitsy · 26/05/2025 06:27

But you wondered why he wanted to keep them at all? I think that's why people are thinking you're suggesting he should delete them.

How often can these pics pop up? I wouldn't delete any of my pics and I wouldn't expect it of my bf either. Sometimes I see pics of his ex wife on his SM from memories or whatever. He's with me now, so who cares?

Show quote history

Yes you’re right. I see why people will think that. I just honestly wouldn’t want to see them every now and again. He’s a lovely man and i do love him so much.

OP posts:
Cupboardlovely · 26/05/2025 07:23

I’m not sure.
i have a lot of photos of exh on my google photos. Most of them are holding my children or in the background somehow. It would take me ages to go through and delete them.

LetMeGoogleThat · 26/05/2025 08:01

You can't ask him to edit his past just to make you happy. If you were a woman posting that your man had asked you to file (Hide) pictures from your past, we'd all be saying its a red flag and controlling.

Ablondiebutagoody · 26/05/2025 09:01

Don't use his laptop

OrlandointheWilderness · 26/05/2025 09:55

I’ve got photos of ex’s, I even have my wedding album from 20 years ago! I can barely remember the man, but they are a part of my history. Absolutely nothing wrong with keeping them and it has no reflection at all on my love for DP. Maybe don’t use his laptop!?!

Fuhjutvb · 26/05/2025 09:58

I would think it a major red flag if someone wanted me to delete my history.

maddening · 26/05/2025 10:05

Fuhjutvb · 26/05/2025 09:58

I would think it a major red flag if someone wanted me to delete my history.

But the op is not asking him to delete them

DildoSaggins · 26/05/2025 10:11

Definitely depends on the photos.

My DH and I have been married a long time and have a happy, loving marriage but we both still have a few 'holiday' photos with exes on. We kept them, not for the ex, but of the photos of holidays that we enjoyed and places we enjoyed visiting and because they were happy memories and experiences.

There is the odd photo of family occasions with all my family on that my ex is also on and I am so glad I have it as looking at the photo now, many of the people on it have passed away. So it reminds me of happy times.

Any other random photos of our exes we have both got rid of. Absolutely no need to keep those.

I know its weird, seeing photos of your partner with their ex, but they had a life before you and its unreasonable to expect them to destroy happy memories.

If you are secure in your relationship, this kind of thing honestly shouldn't matter.

TinyTempest · 26/05/2025 10:14

I thought of suggesting he files them in a separate folder away from his main one or archive it somewhere instead, but i dont even think that’s right. Why keep them for God’s sake if the relationship has ended?

Why is it not right? It sounds like the perfect solution.

She was a part of his life and as long as he's not staring at them everyday and pining after her, of course he should keep them.

As grown ups we have to accept that our partners had relationships before us.

I mean some even have kids. Would you expect those people to delete all photos of them involving the other parent?

TinyTempest · 26/05/2025 10:15

maddening · 26/05/2025 10:05

But the op is not asking him to delete them

Show quote history

She may not be asking him but she's made it clear to us that she wants them deleted.

StrawberryWater · 26/05/2025 10:16

I would expect sexy ones to go but rando holiday snaps? Eh keep them. Don't care.

Londonrach1 · 26/05/2025 10:17

I have old pictures of my ex's ..I never ever thought I'd have to get rid of them...they in storage in my inlaws house. It's part of the past and the past makes you.... Yabu.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 26/05/2025 10:19

You will ruin this relationship. If you really can't get over it, maybe he could create a separate folder.

Sassybooklover · 26/05/2025 10:21

I have kept photos from previous relationships. Mine are from an era when people took photos, had them developed and put them in albums!! Yes, I have kept the albums, and they are stored in a bookcase in my lounge. I'm married, have been for nearly 17 years and been with my husband 19. I don't sit and look at the albums, but they are part of my past, and I would be upset if he suggested I should destroy them. We all have a past, we can't change that past (although I'm sure some of us wish we could change some aspects!) and no one should ask us to erase it either. If I decided to destroy the photo albums, that's my choice, but it shouldn't be anyone else's. Your partner can put the pictures of his ex in a specific folder, if he wants to keep them, and change settings so they don't automatically appear. He shouldn't feel he must delete the pictures to please you, that decision should be his, and his only, based on his own choice.

iwanttobeapandamum · 26/05/2025 10:23

No one should have to delete old pictures and there is no issue with having them. They are part of your partner’s history. You are being very unreasonable and jealous.

howshouldibehave · 26/05/2025 10:24

I thought of suggesting he files them in a separate folder away from his main one or archive it somewhere instead, but i dont even think that’s right. Why keep them for God’s sake if the relationship has ended?

You are suggesting two options

-archive them
-keep them in a separate folder somewhere

both of which I would argue are unnecessary to be honest, but neither are what you actually want to happen, are they?! You don't even think that's right and don't understand why he should want to even keep them if the relationship has ended?! I think you need to reflect on how controlling that is.

Maybe just stop nosing through his laptop photos and get your own computer...