Partner shows no empathy

[TheMintFox]

We have been together 8 years and have a toddler.
Our toddler has been unwell recently and, we have practical steps to go through and I know that we will find out what’s wrong through this (follow up appts and tests etc) but obviously I am still so worried.

During this time I haven’t got upset and have been brave for our child but today (when our toddler was napping) I burst into tears and explained I was so worried.

I just wanted some reassurance and tbh just a flipping hug but instead was told to get a grip and that we have appts coming up to find out what’s wrong so just why am I upset. i know this. But im still worried and just wanted some comfort.

Aibu for feeling upset with this response?

Sorry to hear this. Your partner should absolutely want to comfort you or at least try if it doesn't come naturally. I hope your baby is OK.

My ex and dad of my two kids was a bit like this but I think to an extent he felt that openly empathising with me would encourage my worry and acting like nothing was wrong would make me feel better because I would see he wasn’t worried.

Likely he’s worried too but trying to be rational and he is struggling to empathise for that reason

@TheMintFox Sorry you’re going through this with your child and hope all will be well.

Is your OH otherwise empathetic or is it just on this occasion?

What a twat 🙄 of course he should have given you a hug and reassurance. I would tell him that for future reference, when his wife is upset and crying, the correct response is to be a loving husband and not a know it all nobhead! I hope your little one is ok and that your appointments go well 💐

This is so spot on. It’s definitely a default response to my discomfort or anxiety for my partner. After 20 years he has learnt that sometimes we just want a cry and a cuddle and I dont need him to ‘fix’ it or minimise it.

Try to just tell him what you need in those moments.

I think you want not him to mentalize not empathise.