Long term lurker I think maybe only my second time posting…
Married to my husband (43) I’m 40 we’ve got 2 kids (8 and 6) and we just never seem to get a good run at life. I know there’s lots of other people across the world in much much worse scenarios and I’m very lucky to just tuck my babies safely into their beds every night but things are really getting me down and most of it links back to my husband.
I am currently the only one working as husband got laid off just before Christmas - he’s had a few interviews since then but nothing has materialised. He did say he would look to get any job but every time I mention this I’m met with looks, ‘if that’s what you want me to do I’ll do it’ which I argue back with ‘It isn’t about what I want it’s about having income coming in for the family?!’ and the conversation is shut down. I’m feeling very resentful about this as a similar thing happened just after our second child was born and I had to go back to work earlier than planned as we couldn’t live off SMP.
This on top of 2 emotional affairs - which I’ve been told never went physical but who knows at this point? 🤷🏻♀️ I have zero trust left to be honest plus many many many episodes of him drinking excessively and way more than is considered ‘normal’ and I’m just done. I’m so resentful and I think even if things sorted themselves out I’m past the point of actually being able to feel our relationship is a true partnership. In my head and my heart I think I know I need to leave but at the moment this wouldn’t be possible as he has no income so literally can’t afford to pay for anything.
I guess I’m just looking for someone to talk to…there’s no one I can really speak to about this in real life as such and I feel like every day is wearing my down more and more. I try to be supportive but when the other person thinks they can do no wrong and lives in a dream world of everything being ‘fine’ it’s so hard.
Anyone else been through anything similar?