To be salty… I know IAMBU

[13MAPARTHELL]

This is unreasonable but I cant help it 😂

my cousin lives next door, he has a child the same age as mine, the house is like walking into instagram, always pristine, with a tiny armchair pouf as a toy box, with 3 toys in.

they have alot of money, and rent the same as ours, and we are low wage. They do absolutely nothing with their child, and I mean nothing. They have never taken him anywhere, but my auntie has him every weekend and takes him everywhere, they use it as an excuse to not have to, we invite them everywhere, even my kids birthday parties, or events, they are always a no show, they flake when its child related, and then they post on facebook of them going to a fancy restaurant with their child sat watching the ipad, while we are at the farm, swimming etc.

they sometimes ask if i want to come over, but follow it with only me, not either of my kids, even though their kid is there, and the kids all love eachover when they see eachover in the street.

they work monday-friday full days, and even in half terms and summer, not one holiday day will be taken to do something with their little boy. It breaks my heart that they see him for an hour before bed & then ship him off EVERY weekend.

i cant stress enough, they earn around 150k together, we earn 40k together, and they have told me they do not have any credit etc.

i love their son so much, hes family, it makes me sad that they are not giving him the childhood he deserves with his parents, and they are constantly letting him miss out of stuff because they simply are selfish.

from now on, im going to ask to take him with our boys, im not sure what they will say but i feel a real connection to him as I grew up exactly the same way, and it resulted in basically no childhood at all.

am i out of line for offering to take him?

No you're not out of line OP you're very kind.

I have experience of something similar though and I'd say, if you start doing this you will go from doing something nice to, "what time are you collecting him at? Why are you late? Why didn't you feed him? What do you mean you can't have him this weekend, why can't you take him with you to your friends wedding in Italy?" very fast!

No good deed goes unpunished.

So think carefully, and decide if you are happy to have your nephew as a part of your family for every occasion. How will your own DC react? They might not want to have to share you with him every weekend.

If I were you I'd make it a thing to take him on eg the first weekend of every month. You do need to have your own family down time.

Good luck, that poor little boy. Some people don't deserve to have children.

OP YANBU to include him with your family

Take him with you, that’s very kind

You can offer, of course

Sorry - you can offer but only if you are offering with no hope of reciprocation.

They have made it clear they do not want or need playdates/family time with your child.

If you do offer, you may end up saltier and resentful. One, they may decline. More rejection for you. Two, they may take but you feel used, especially if they neither do something similar, pay for expenses or show any gratitude.

If your second cousin is with his grandma all the time, he will probably have an amazing relationship with her. That your aunt does that for him should not annoy you (unless your own mum is hands-off).

Ultimately though, their kid, their rules.

@SafeToUse I agree with this!
You might also end up with the aunty bring upset if you offer every weekend.
But I think your suggestion is kind, thoughtful and loving which is what this child needs. Poor kid, so glad the kids all live each other and this bit has a lovely extended family.

i don’t know why you keep mentioning their finances so much for?

Whilst you are being kind and lovely. You know deep down they will take advantage. You will become even more free childcare whilst they swan around using him as an accessory. You will be the one feeding him too. Plus they won't offer any money when you go off the the zoo, cinema etc.

If you are happy with that crack on.

What are you really hoping to achieve here? The child does go out if he’s with his grandparents every weekend and presumably in nursery during the week where he’ll have plenty of socialisation, play, stimulation, and outings. That sounds like a busy schedule for him already, without playdates added. If it’s time with his parents that you think he should have more of, you taking him out isn’t going to improve on that and is only going to lead to resentment on your part if you feel put upon or want them to contribute some way towards your costs.

Just shows you can't believe everything you see on SM. Sadly there's alot of people like this. More worried how life looks than it actually is not noticing that children only want your time, You can't get time back

Thank you, this is helpful!

My mum is completely hands off
my auntie is ill, and has voiced to me that she is bothered by it, but doesn’t want to impact her relationship with them, i didnt add that context.

but like others said, it might become a regular thing and i need to think about that

This is a really good point!

Finances are relevant , on a combined income of over £100k they should be able to do more things than the average family, take their child on holidays and fun days out ,but they seemingly choose not too and instead send him to a relatives every weekend, probably so they can spend money on themselves. Poor child, priorities sound wrong.

Because, they have the funds to take the time off, they have the funds to come to events, or take him with the rest of us to farms and days out etc, we invite them alot, and they say no and then take him to high end restaurants or designer outlets, and he is missing out as a result and thats what bothers me

On the same day as well, but they will invite me over for posh wine and cheese, so maybe they just dont like my kids? 😂

Hit the nail on the head, I think it frustrates me, because he is family and we manage to do these things, as we prioritise them for the kids as much as we can etc, and I hate seeing him miss out with all of us, when he don’t need to, like its just sad

yes he does things with his gran, but not always with all of us, and we have around 5 kids in the family the same age, but there was only 3 of us in the family and we have an opportunity to make a great close childhood, we live next door ffs

I mean, they openly told me they dont read books at bed time, everytime they do have him, they are trying to get him to nap and hes strapped in a pram wanting to get out, hes almost 4 years old.

and she takes ‘watch me pack my bag videos’ and is trying to be an influencer etc, which is fine but hes always just sat there and I just love him to death, and it bothers me so much, because I grew up the same way & I honestly struggle with it, i should just mind my own business

2 posts just now using the word "salty" , & they're not about food.
???

As in, aggy, holding something over someone 😂

Because you care, nothing wrong with that at all. Making him nap all the time It sounds like they liked the idea of having a child and not the reality. Poor kid

So, literally 40 minutes ago my kids were outside with me playing on scooters, and he was banging at the window crying to come out, they came outside and mum said hes just woke up from a nap, and I said can he come and play, and dad said no im going to put him to bed, like not even for 10 minutes, poor kids screaming to play & just woke up 😭

"aggy". Thank you, that doesn't explain it. 😀
Just Googled

They went mad at my mum once, because she gave him a bite of a cookie, they made on his birthday 😂 hes not allowed any treats what so ever, like absolutely nothing - but fair, thats not a bad thing tbh haha

I don't think you should get involved to be honest. He's 4, he has two parents. It's not neglectful not to take them to the zoo every week or whatever. I assume he goes to school/preschool and out with his Nan. You need to focus on your children, of course offer to take him if your going on a day out and it's convenient for you to take him but if they choose not to then that is their business.

My 3 year old nephew basically just stays in the house with the tv on 7 days a week, but that's not my business to tell other people what to do with their own child.

Sorry but you sound really judgy. Leave them to it, people have different lives and different priorities. Not saying what they are doing is great but you need to avert your eyes from their parenting and focus on your own kids and home life.