Counselling, is it just not for me?

[Thepollonator]

Am IBU or have I not given it a chance?
I've just started counseling as I have intrusive thoughts and a bad childhood, I'm wondering what I can expect to get out of talking to someone. I've had 4 now and although I've done a lot of talking I don't really feel any benefit from it. Is it just not for me?

I think it may take more than 4 sessions to feel any benefit? And it may not be that counselling isn’t the issue but just that it’s not the right counsellor for you.

You don't just talk to someone
It's about recognising that what happened to you was not normal
That your thoughts and behaviours are driven by what you experienced as a child and that you have to reframing your thinking and assumptions
It's really not easy and it can be painful at times
It's not just a tick box exercise

Try & stick at it a bit longer. It works for some, but others can have it for years & it doesn’t work. Keep trying though.

I think counselling is one of them things that doesn't feel like it's working at the time but when you finish a few weeks later you notice your dealing with stuff better. It's like driving its only when you have passed your test you actually learn to drive

I had this experience OP, it was just me talking and getting upset each week. Whilst I know she wasn’t going to tell me what to do, I did expect some conversation/counselling about it. To be honest I got the feeling that she just thought my issues were minor, the week I was going to tell her that I was
going to stop was the week she suggested it. I guess she felt she could only take my money for so long. In the end I developed strategies myself through research and listening to podcasts. There was a very good one posted in here a couple of days ago about emotionally immature parents.

This was the second time I’ve had counselling, first time was for something completely different. I didn’t find that very good either, she just dismissed/minimised the issue and we didnt come away with any strategies.

I sometime think CBT would be good for me but to be honest I don’t want to waste any more money on counsellors.

@1apenny2apenny Yes, I personally think that a counsellor needs to suggest some strategies to help the patient deal with their situation-just listening isn’t enough.

OP, if you feel that your counsellor isn’t giving you any helpful feedback, can you switch to someone else?

I think it depends on a few things
-can you truly open up to your counsellor, is that connection theee where you feel safe to open up?

• are you just talking and sharing the whole time, or are you trying different tactics to support? I found it best to spend the first bit talking/offloading about what had come up that week. Then we worked on my goals for therapy and tactics were given with homework each week to attempt to see if the tactics worked for me, and to all implement them as part of my day to day (the bit I really struggled with)

-referring back to those goals is crucial but they may also need changed as bew things may come up during your sessions which are more meaningful or give a clearer understanding of what is causing concern.

I've done counselling where I did not connect to the person. I've done it where I just talked and offloaded. Both weren't so good and I didn't think it was for me. Last year I found a new counsellor and it was such a big change, now I would recommend it for everyone. I felt like I achieved a lot in 12 sessions, a lot of understanding about myself that I truly did not know before. But it was done to that connection, jt was the right time for me- not planned i just wasn't as guarded as before.

Thank you so much to all that have kindly responded, it's given me a lot to think about.

Hi OP. I do wonder if perhaps you're maybe not clicking with the therapist to the point of feeling safe and comfortable enough? I've seen a few therapists and have found counselling really beneficial except where I've felt the relationship isn't quite right.

If you have intrusive thoughts, I'd suggest CBT. I know it's frequently dissed on here, but it has by far the largest evidence base for this type of problem.

You just need to make sure you have a well qualified therapist AND feel you can trust them. Good luck.