To ask about your sex life?

[Bluejay67]

Just that really. I’m 27 and my boyfriend is 30. We’ve been together for a year and see eachother 4/5 nights a week but don’t live together. We’ve gone from having sex every single day in the beginning to only having it once or twice every 2 weeks. I initiate most of the time. I’d like to have sex more and we’ve spoken about it but he’s happy with how things are. He says it’s normal for couples to have sex less when they’ve been together for longer. Is this true? I think I’d understand this after a few years or if we had kids/lived together but we don’t? We’ve only been together a year and it seems like his sex drive has completely gone.

How often do you have sex with DP and how long have you been together? Who initiated

Not normal for me, no tailing off in 30 years

Its not normal after a year. 20 years maybe.

This is his sex drive. He's happy, it's not going to change so you have a choice to make before you put anymore time in.

No, thanks 🤷‍♀️
I think I’ll reply whatever I want to.
You don’t need to “police” my replies.

Bit more info: we met June last year. He’s said he has performance anxiety which is part of it. In the beginning he could go for like 40 minutes non stop and was just all over me, we had sex at least once a night. I didn’t expect that to continue of course but it was nice to feel so wanted. By September last year his sex drive was dwindling and I didn’t feel as wanted so we spoke about it and he said he was feeling stressed about work. Understandable cause he got a new job and was suddenly in a much more senior position. This continued and in January he gave up porn altogether as he thought it might’ve been affecting his sex drive but since then all that’s happened is he can now only last about 5 mins max. This is an issue we both talk about and he’s paranoid about it. He says he wants to have sex but never thinks to initiate, but then when we’re doing it he’s really into it.

It does tail off a bit in my experience, because life is busy and relationships change and evolve but if you don't live together, and you have only dated for a year, I'd say twice a month doesn't seem enough to me personally. But it is subjective.

Porn has messed him up. It can take a year for things to go back to normal, because no-one is as tight as a man's fist. They should be teaching lads this during sex education. I wouldn't have coped with so little sex. You need to be affectionate and give it more time. If you TTC it might be a massive issue. If it drops even more as he ages etc. I'm nearly 60 and neither of us, would be happy with your rate.

At the end of the day, who cares if it is?
It’s not as though anyway knows who you are personally.
A typical droll comment.

Great, then you crack on with telling strangers how many times you get your knickers off.

Then you just have to accept things the way they are and accept you won't be having the level of sex you want. I don't really get why you're asking how often others have sex as it has no bearing on your relationship. There's no magic cure to make him be different.

With all due respect to OP, this is what I’m wondering as well! OP is only 27. No rush for an immediate commitment. She’s also aware of the issues causing low sex drive/reluctance. Surely doesn’t need a MN post asking how many times others do it and who initiates as not sure how that would help her.

OP has all the info from her OH she now just needs to decide if she can compromise with changed sex habits and keep the man she thinks is otherwise her best match yet or at the relatively young age of 27 not accept the incompatability and in the words of Ariana Grande say “thank you, next!”.

It's normal to have sex as much as you both want to.

If he's not interested in knocking the back out of you often enough for your liking maybe find another man?

I don’t have one. But I am single so….

He should talk to his doctor. A massive drop in libido could be a symptom of something else, especially in one so young.

It sounds like a lot of hard work for less than a year in ( if you met in June last year).

I thought the same but when it happens, it doesn’t feel very nice, even if it’s not outing. Same as it doesn’t feel good when you give a genuine response and you find out that the OPs trolling for any other reason really.

The more important point as PPs have said, is that other people’s experiences aren’t relevant here. If it’s not working for OP, it’s not working. Other people might be fine with it but that doesn’t change anything for her.

I have no desire to answer the question with anyone - the journalist side of things is irrelevant to me.

@Bluejay67 : I don't know whether you're still following this thread. Read some of the other threads and look for mentions of frequency of sex. I'll bet you notice something that I repeatedly notice: at least according to their own reports, couples who have a good sex life - minimum once a week, but ideally more - nearly always report happiness, in one way or another.

Chicken and the egg.
Are they happy because they have a regular sex life.

Or are they already happy with each other which encourages them to want to have sex with each other.