To think dd dad is a man child !

[littleweedandherflowers]

Sadly our little bunny passed away Friday evening, dd ( 7 ) was the one who found her peacefully sleeping all incredibly sad especially when your kid is so upset, I’m due to give birth any time now so digging a hole for her to go in whilst comforting dd wasn’t an option anyhow partner dug the hole whilst my mum came round to deal with our bunny ( was mums bunny too but lived here ) she’s great with explaining to kids about losing pets etc anyway all dealt with but dd sobbed most of the evening !

then next morning I heard partner ( her dad ) say to her “ oh I can’t do that I’ve got a back ache after last night )
I asked him what he meant and he said “ well after digging the hole for the rabbit to go in “ AIBU to think you don’t say that to a child ? He said it in a manner like because I had to dig the grave I’ve now got a bad back ! He has a habit of poor me type of thing !

I don't really see anything wrong with saying you have a bad back, presumably he is just being factual. I suspect though that he might be irritating you in other ways as well to prompt you being so annoyed by this?

Good grief. Of course you don’t say that to a child. Or anyone for that matter.

I don’t understand what he said wrong.

@KnickerlessParsons he basically said he’s back was hurting from digging a hole for her bunny to go in I think he could have just said his back hurts she didn’t need to know that we’d put him out because he had to dig a hole ( it wasn’t even a big hole ) x

He sounds pathetic to be honest.

What an arse

He’d probably be happy if you dug the hole while about to give birth. Chivalry is dead

Where does DD think you’ve put the body?
Surely at 7 she’s aware of graveyards and what happens to bodies of people and animals when they die.

I can't speak to whether your husband is a malingering flake or not - you'd know better than anyone on here. But I doubt what he said would have bothered me as a 7 yo. At that age, I thought my parents sole purpose in life was to serve my needs and if his back got put out burying my bunny in the garden, then that's simply an occupational hazard of attending to his duties. 🤷‍♀️

Do you feel your daughter was upset by what he said?

I also don't see anything wrong with.what he said really

I don’t understand. He did just say he has a bad back, then according to your OP you asked him what he meant. Then he mentioned digging the hole.

Your question prompted the extra detail that you’re now complaining about. Seems a bit unfair.

I can’t see the issue. The rabbit died, he dug a grave, strained his back and mentioned why. A ‘man child’ would have refused to do it at all and chucked the rabbit in the bin, or even refused to touch the corpse.

If that’s true why didn’t op dig the hole?
She didn’t dig the hole because her partner did so she didn’t have to whilst heavily pregnant and also comforting her child.

I wouldn’t say he’s a man child OP, he was careless with his words.
Actually after re reading you were also, he only said he had a bad back you asked him what he meant which prompted him to give the detail of why. Surely you could of figured out it’s because he dug the hole?

I don't think it's a big deal. He didn't actually say it and for you to be policing the subtext of his casual chat with DD is a bit much. As is jumping to 'man child' accusations. He dug the hole and it gave him a bad back. You didn't dig the hole because you're pregnant. I'd drop this one and try to enjoy the long weekend.

it wasn’t even a big hole

Well now you're digging a bigger hole, because if it was such a minor matter to dig it, perhaps you could've done it after all.

No I didn’t say about the him digging a hole for the rabbit infront of dd! I heard him say he’s got a bad back because of yday so I asked him when little ears weren’t listening xx

How big a hole did he dig? He sounds utterly pathetic. I’ve spent the last three days in the garden; lots of digging. I’m not walking around moaning about a bad back.

I’d find it very unattractive if a man dug a bunny sized hole and the complained the next day about a bad back. Something just so wimpy about it.

Wait, so he didn’t say it in front of your daughter? He just said, “I’ve got a bad back from yesterday?”
Then he didn’t talk about the bunny so why are you annoyed about him as if he brought up the bunny in front of her? She’s a kid; she probably didn’t even make that connection further than “dad hurt his back yesterday.”

I’d still think he was pathetic. But wouldn’t be annoyed as he didn’t say anything inappropriate in front of her.

So he's got a weak back - is that really so bad? If you're contemptuous of him just for mentioning it, then your marriage really does have problems. Contempt is the worst relationship-killer of all, they say.

If you want a He-Man for a partner, who can do anything physical you ask him to and never complain, then go out and find one. But it's not fair to look down on your husband because he's not that guy

Edit: I'm sorry about your bunny!

Dd defo knew what he was getting at! If he does anything for us it’s a huge deal ! Says he does so much for us all the time ! Doesn’t think about what we do for him it’s just poor him has so much to do! And that’s exactly how it is ! I can clean the house top to bottom but because he’s hoovered he’s done the lot if that makes sense ?

Sorry to hear about your bunny.
context is important. Is he a moaner generally? Do you think he’s making up the bad back?
my DH is a hard worker but suffers with a bad back. Some days he could garden for 12 hours and be fine. Other days he could do one simple task, twist funny and put his back out. Digging a hole might be simple, but could be the thing that triggered it. Before Christmas he had spent time decorating, been up and down in the loft several times and was fine. Then he sneezed and put his back out, backs can be delicate things.

This isn't really about the bunny, is it ... have you talked to him about how his moaning is disproportionate?

Nice drip feed. If he’s so bad, what possessed you to have another child with him?

Well I didn't like to say as know you get jumped on on MN for it, but also couldn't help thinking it's strange if she feels this way but chose to procreate so recently. Does feel like a classic Judge Judy "you picked him!".